Casually, out of nowhere, on our last date, Jock dropped something quite huge into the conversation.
“I think I need to tell my ex that I’m with you.”
We’ve known each other for eight weeks. That’s it. It feels like everything is now moving at warped speed. We’re already throwing the L-word around like it’s a game of ping pong, now we’re rushing into telling the ex. Why? Why’s he gotta tell her already? Why does he need to tell her at all?
He continued …
“Next weekend, depending on what days you have off, do you want to meet my step-daughter? I need to go and see her and if you have the right days off, I’d like you to see and meet her too.”
Lolz, again, wot?
How is this happening already? It’s been eight weeks, for fuck’s sake. Like, can’t we just date, him and I, no one else for a bit longer? We’re still feeling out how we feel for each other, and about each other, so why are we rushing into shouting about it from the rooftops already? Don’t get me wrong, I’m totally flattered (and a bit over the moon) that he wants to tell the whole world that I’m his gal, but still, not yet. Can’t we have just a little bit longer, please?
I responded in the only way I knew how to respond: honestly.
“No, I don’t want to do that.”
He looked shocked when I told him. Proper taken aback. But it’s not like I haven’t warned him how I feel about kids. I’m not interested in them. I don’t date men with kids because I’m not interested in having a relationship with someone who has them, and I don’t even think I want my own kids.
He went on to explain things to me, telling me about how only now – a year and a half after they broke up – will his ex-girlfriend let him spend proper time with her daughter, his step-daughter. It’s taken him this long to get the ex to agree to let him have the kid for a sleepover or for prolonged periods of time, so he doesn’t want to risk it all and fuck things up by not telling the ex about someone new on the scene. And it’s not because she’ll want him back or anything like that as she’s already seeing someone else, he just doesn’t want someone else to tell her and for her to take it negatively.
I mean, this is some bullshit, isn’t it?
Okay, maybe it isn’t, but I feel like it is a little bit. I have absolutely no intentions of meeting the kid just yet, or at least I didn’t until he brought it up. I like the little bubble we’ve got going on, just me and him. It’s sexy and a bit secretive and it’s nice not having other people throwing a bunch of drama into the mix. Can’t we leave it like that for a bit longer? Maybe we should wait and get past the first trimester of our relationship before we start telling people about it? Wait 12 weeks and then spread the news?
This isn’t the first time we’ve had to walk on eggshells because of that woman. Do you remember I’m Fucking Falling For You? Why does it feel like I’m competing with this woman already, barely two months into a new relationship? And I’ve seen what she looks like … like, I reckon she could hold her own in a catfight, physical, verbal or otherwise. I don’t want to get on the wrong side of her, but he’s mine for right now, you know? She gave him up.
And then we have the kid factor, just as with One Ball. I hate dating men with kids, but when you get to my age – the 25 to 35 box – virtually every guy I meet has at least one in tow. No one is brand spanking new, child-free … not even the ones who ARE child-free. (Kudos to Jock for taking on a step-kid even after he broke up with the kid’s mother!)
How is he seriously expecting this to go? He’s already told me that the ex has stopped him seeing the kid for stupidly small reasons before. In fact, his exact words were: “She gets a bit funny sometimes, tries to stop me from seeing my step-daughter, that kind of thing. Maybe she’ll do that again after seeing me with you.” Am I seriously expected to be enthusiastic about this meeting?
Thankfully, I think I’ve managed to put off this big meeting for at least another week. I lied and told him I was working when I wasn’t, but I felt pressured. He was talking all this big talk about how I was special to him and he wanted everyone to know … PRESSURE.
I couldn’t just be left to live in my happy little bubble for a few weeks longer, could I?