The Tweets I Didn’t Send [2020 Edition]
This post contains a lot of opinions, a sprinkling of sarcasm, and some serious bitchiness ~ it’s time for the Tweets I didn’t send 2020 edition …
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I Was Bullied Because …
I came across something on Twitter, started tapping out a note so I could tweet about it later, and then couldn’t stop tapping … so I did the sensible thing and turned it into a blog post! Source: this tweet from @aquabeings I was bullied because … ▪️ I got an A in my exam. ▪️ I got a C in my exam. ▪️ I didn’t have a Morgan De Toi schoolbag. ▪️ I did have a “lame” Walkers Ready Salted rucksack that my mum and dad got free with a 32-box. ▪️ I…
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When I Was 20…
“Your 20-year-old pic is so cute,” I told him. “I have a pic of you from when you were 20, you know. I found it when I moved a little while back,” he replied. “You do? How? I don’t even have that many pics from when I was 20,” I laughed. “I have a few pics of you from back then, but I doubt many of them are social media-suitable ?,” he said, right as he sent the first one. It was my goth phase, and the time I…
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Today I Miss …
It suddenly struck me today just how much I missed my vibrators. Well, one specifically: the Rampant Rabbit. I’ve talked about the toy a lot before, and I’ll probably talk about it a lot more in the future even though there are new toys to tell you about, but my Rampant Rabbit is the toy I’m missing the most right now. I’m missing it so fucking much. I’ve wanked a lot during lockdown, but they’ve been secret, silent, stolen wanks in the shower, or really quietly at my desk when…
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Hot Right Now [Previously Unseen]
Fun fact about this post: It’s been sat in my drafts for over two years. I didn’t know whether or not I wanted to publish something that featured a Class A drug so heavily and positively. But we’re all adults here, right? I did it, lived it, wrote about it … now I’m sharing it. Consider this your second content warning: this post goes into great detail about an NSFW night on MDMA (ecstasy), talking about it in a positive way. As a side note: I’ve been clean from all…
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You Can Only Have One Position … [Curious Cat]
Anon asked: You can only have sex in one position for the rest of your life: which is it and why? I know I’m going to sound SUPER boring when I say this, but I’m a big fan of the missionary position — and there are many, many reasons why I like it so much. Firstly, it’s so “tweakable”. With a simple shift of a limb, the missionary position goes from being boring to … well, definitely not boring. I can throw one of my legs over his shoulder to…
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Wandering Hands
I have a question: If my boyfriend is that disinterested in sex that we’re not having any of it [again], how come I keep waking up in the middle of the night with his hands down my pants? Last night, for example. This morning, actually. 4:38 am, according to the clock. I found myself risen from my slumber, still in the dark, roused by something that was nice and annoying all at once. It took me a few moments to work out what it was: Bear’s hands. Bear’s hands rubbing…
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You’ve Missed Her
You kiss her like you mean it; like you’re hungry for her lips to press and caress and move against yours. Your hands can’t help but roam as you do, stroking up and down her arms at first, but they soon move – as though they have a life of their own – to trail a finger against her cheek, to grapple and grab and yank her hair, to lightly-but-firmly grasp around her neck … You’ve missed her. You want her to look at you in that way she always…
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The Day My Moisturiser Tried to Kill Me
Let’s talk about bees. The black and yellow fuzzy kind. The ones that are lovely and need to be protected at all costs and definitely not killed because there will be no coffee and chocolate without them. (Or so I read.) – ??? – I’m deathly afraid of bees. And wasps. And anything that looks remotely like it could be a bee or a wasp. (I panic about regular flies an embarrassing amount.) I’ve jumped off balconies to get away from bees and wasps, ran into walls trying to flee…
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