Bear Mental Health My Dating Life 

ZZZap!

“Oh my God, Zzzap! Do you remember that TV show?”  That’s what I asked Bear today after seeing something pop up on Facebook. I was sat kinda hugging him, half sat on one of his legs, his laptop delicately balanced on the other. We were laughing at funny cat videos. Well, one funny cat video. The one where the baby tiger jumps out at the adult tiger and scares the shit out of it. Then some meme thing popped up, talking about Zzzap! and various other old-school TV shows.  “I’ve…

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Bear My Dating Life NSFW / Sex 

Abstinence

Right, quit fucking about now. Fuck me. Or let me fuck you. I don’t care which way around it is, I just need to feel your dick inside me and your hands on my naked body and your lips … don’t even get me started on just how much I’ve been thinking about your lips. We’re on eight months-ish of abstinence now. Whatever strength I had before is fading away. I’m no longer calm. I don’t want to be patient or understanding. I’m not in the mood to make jokes…

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Bear Mental Health My Dating Life 

Six Months

  I haven’t had sex with my boyfriend for over six months. (It’s still Bear, by the way.)  Fuck me (literally). I said it. I actually said it. That’s the first time I’ve actually acknowledged it. Sat down, worked it out, jotted it down.  Six months. I bet you’re wondering what the fuck happened? Yes, well, so am I.  It started with me …  I was depressed. Very depressed. Couldn’t even get in the shower, brush my hair, or clean my teeth-depressed. But we’ll talk about that another time. Getting back…

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Baby Bear My Dating Life 

Baby, Baby, Baby: Testing, Testing

  Trigger Warning: Discussing self-harm.  If I could wish for anything in the world, it would probably be to rid my body of all the hair I didn’t want, permanently. I’m so over shaving my legs now. I’m dying for winter to come again, just so I don’t need to shave my legs as much. Hey, I’m in a long-term relationship now. It’s cool to let that slide. It’s one of the many reasons I love Bear and this relationship. He absolutely loves the fuzz. My summer dresses, on the…

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Baby Bear My Dating Life 

Baby, Baby, Baby (Feb 24th: 4 Days Late)

  4 days late. 4 fucking days late. I still haven’t told Bear. I still haven’t picked up a pregnancy test. I still don’t know what’s going on. My period is 4 days late now. 3 days late is explainable. 4 days late? Well, that just sounds a little … something. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I’ve had no choice. My mind is totally and utterly consumed by all things baby right now. I might not be talking about it to anyone, but I’m certainly researching everything there…

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Baby Bear My Dating Life 

Baby, Baby, Baby (Feb 23rd: 3 Days Late)

  I still haven’t done a pregnancy test. I also haven’t alerted Bear as to the situation either. Why? Because he has been a knob the past few days. We’re still in the medication-figuring-out phase of life, which makes the timing of all this just fucking brilliant. But there lies the problem; the timing is never right. It will never be right. I’m waiting for this perfect moment that may or may not exist. A “Let’s have a baby!” moment that you’re meant to have with your significant other. Well,…

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Baby Bear My Dating Life 

Baby, Baby, Baby (Feb 21st: 1 Day Late)

  “Don’t forget to log your cycle!”    My period tracking app nudged me this morning. How could I have forgotten? After the little flurry of excitement after the whole spotting incident, you’d think I’d be counting down the days until my period was due with a calendar and big red marker. Hilariously, I forgot. Until today. My period — late for 1 day. I had spotting, potentially explained by implantation bleeding, two weeks ago. Now, my period is 1 day late. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. “You wanted this,…

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Baby Bear My Dating Life 

Baby, Baby, Baby (Feb 10th)

Part 1: Baby, Baby, Baby (Six Months Ago) Part 2: Baby, Baby, Baby (Four Months Ago) Part 3: Baby, Baby, Baby (One Month Ago)   Bear bought a lottery ticket today. He does that sometimes and I never know why. It just seems like a pointless waste of money to me. But, then again, I’m the kind of girl who gets an actual little flurry of excitement in the pit of her stomach when she buys a £1 scratch card, just because it’s so damn exciting. I should probably get a…

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Baby Bear My Dating Life 

Baby, Baby, Baby (One Month Ago) 

Part 1: Baby, Baby, Baby (Six Months Ago) Part 2: Baby, Baby, Baby (Four Months Ago)   Right, this is pissing me off now. I haven’t solved the baby problem by writing things down at all. In fact, I think I may have made the situation much worse, and much more complicated too. When we got the all-clear for dementia, we discussed things. We know that he has a mental health condition that affects our lives — his, mine, his son’s — but if it wasn’t dementia, it meant it…

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Baby Bear My Dating Life 

Baby, Baby, Baby (Four Months Ago)

Following on from Baby, Baby, Baby:   Four months ago: I’m not entirely sure I’ll ever be in the right kind of place to just say, “Let’s make a baby.” I know I want one. I think Bear will be a great father. In fact, I know he’s a great father because I see it every day. And he doesn’t just dote on his kids (the ones that do talk to him); he dotes on me too. There’s nothing he won’t do for me. Our problems aside, this is the…

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