One Ball read my fucking blog. Because of course he wasn’t going to let our breakup go by easy. I can’t work out if this is going to be a big fuck-you blog post to him, or a big bye-bye blog post to you lot. I’m battling two very different sides of myself right now.
Let me tell you the story of what happened on my second date with Jock.
Jock and I went shopping for our second date, stopped to have some coffees, and then he dropped me home after some chatting and kissing at the end. Pretty standard stuff, really. It was all very respectful, just as the first date had been, but he has started to get a little more touchy-feely with me. There was some back-rubbing at one point, and he touched my face more this time, especially in the car. It freaked me out a bit at first because it was actually quite different from the first time we met (understandably). After a while, though, it became almost second nature for us to reach out and touch each other.
If nothing else, the sexual chemistry we have going on is incredible. You can see it a mile off, I’m sure.
Anyway, it was in the car, parked around the corner from my house, that it happened. I’m going to call it The Big Bomb. Jock and I were kissing, taking forever to say goodbye because we didn’t actually want to say goodbye, and my phone went off in my bag. Gathering together my things, I took a quick peek at it before opening the car door, and I noticed a text from One Ball.
“We have no reason to talk to each other. I’m going to remove you from Facebook. Hope you have fun, thank you for saving me from you.”
Ummm … what? I mean, obviously he’s very pissed off, but what??? Just an hour earlier we’d had a conversation about books. A regular, run-of-the-mill conversation about whose books belonged to whom. Things had actually been pretty civil for a few days post-breakup. Why the big turnaround all of a sudden?
I replied once I’d finally let myself into my house: “Huh?”
“That’s what you want, isn’t it? I’m breaking all ties so you can move on and not have me badgering you. I may love you but I finally got it that you don’t love me.”
How the fuckity-fuck does he know I’m trying to move on? This conversation came completely out of the blue, with no rhyme or reason behind it. It took me a while but I finally understood why and what he meant: he’d read my blog.
“What do you mean moving on?” I replied, hoping he’d tell me that he’d seen me out and about with Jock, or something similar.
“We both know what I mean when I say moving on,” he replied, which clarified my suspicions.
Just one week ago, the boy said this:
“I swear to God, and on the kids’ lives, I will not read your blog. Please write in it like normal because I know it means so much to you. I don’t want to be the reason all that’s ruined.”
And now he’s reading it? After SWEARING ON HIS KIDS’ LIVES?!
It’s the **only** way he could know that I was moving on. We don’t have mutual friends. I haven’t told anyone about Jock (except for Bestie but he would never tell on me). Jock and I even went out of town on our date, not to make sure that people didn’t see us but because it seemed like a good idea at the time. It was all rather spur-of-the-moment.
So what do I do now? I’ve just had this amazing second date with Jock that I really want to talk about but now I feel like I can’t because One Ball might be reading it. I don’t this to be the last ever post I share with you guys but I really don’t know how I feel about telling you all of my secrets when some douchebag ex-boyfriend is reading it. (Yes, One Ball, you’re that douchebag ex-boyfriend.)
I told Bestie all about the situation and he suggested starting a brand new blog that One Ball won’t find or read, but that’s hardly fair, is it? One Ball shouldn’t have gone looking for it the first time, and he definitely shouldn’t have gone looking for it again. What was he seriously expecting to find when he did read it? He must have known that I would move on eventually. I told him straight that we had no chance of working, and therefore no chance of getting back together … so what exactly was he looking for?? I know I met and started talking to Jock on the same day that I ended things with One Ball, but it’s not like I jumped straight from one bed into another. I haven’t jumped into bed with Jock yet. We’ve just kissed, and I want to tell you all about that kissing but WHAT IF ONE BALL IS READING THIS?
Can I really carry on writing in my blog when some dickhead I know is reading it and following along with my most innermost thoughts and secrets? What if I make him really angry one day and he decides to ‘out’ me, or share my blog with his friends and family, or tell people on Facebook about it? I trusted him to do things right a few times and he’s let me down. The guy lied about how many children he had, for fuck’s sake … I should’ve expected this bullshit, really.
Seeing me move on must really hurt One Ball’s feelings, I know and understand that … but is it really any of his business? Does he have a right to know? How long should I have waited after dumping him before moving on to talking to someone else?
What are the fucking rules??
Maybe I’ll tell you about mine and Jock’s fabulous second date tomorrow. Maybe you’ll never hear from me again.
Blame One Ball.