My Dating Life My Mr. Grey The Guy I Couldn't Get Rid Of The Lapdog 

Biting Me in the Ass!

Today, all the man-juggling I’d been doing recently turned around and bit me right on the ass. We all knew it was going to happen eventually, right? I’m still up in the air with the whole My Mr. Grey thing, but since he couldn’t make up his mind what was going on and left me dangling, I figured I’d get on with life.

Not in a deliberate I’m-going-to-find-someone-new way, but in a carry-on-like-before way. But it’s all gotten a little bit … complicated.



[Number 43 – The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of]

Well, we’ve come to yet another abrupt end, but I’m fairly certain that this one is the actual end. There’s only so long I could’ve put up with the compulsive liar tendencies and the total asshole exterior, and it was definitely time that we stopped everything. Meeting up, screwing, talking to each other … the lot.

It had been a couple of days since we last interacted with each other after I turned him down, but then today, completely out of the blue, he decided to text me:

“Hey babe, I just wanted you to know that I got laid last night and it was so very vanilla. She had nothing on you!”


What. The. Fuck.

Exclamation point.

Question mark.

First of all, who the fuck says that to someone? Why would any man in his right mind send that to his ex-girlfriend, in the hope that he’ll get her back?

As if, mate. Now that I know you’re dicking around, I’m not going to touch you with a ten-foot barge pole. But cheers for letting me know instead of leaving me to find out for myself.

Secondly, did he seriously think that was going to work? Did he expect me to get jealous? Angry? Overwhelmed with love for him? Like, WHAT THE FUCK? Angry is probably the right word, to be honest. That *is* how I feel, but it’s not jealous-anger. Oh no, it’s a different type of angry.

I’m angry for me, yes, but I’m also really angry for HER. That girl he took to his bed, fucked, and then fucked over as he shared intimate details of their encounter with me. Who does he think he is? Why would he do that? I mean, we all know why he would do that (because he’s a cunt), but SERIOUSLY, WHY?

I would hate to be that girl right now. And it’s not like he really has a leg to stand on. As I’ve discussed before, he’s not all that great in the bedroom department. But if she hasn’t noticed that he has a limited amount of knowledge on just how to get a woman going in the bedroom, or that he kisses like a trout, she probably thinks this tall, handsome (ish), generous, courteous guy is everything she’s looking for. And while she’s out telling her gal pals that she’s met this guy who rocks her world, he’s busy sending texts to his ex about how boring and vanilla she is in the sack.


He’s using this girl to make me jealous. To get one-up on me in the who-has-sex-with-someone-else race that isn’t actually a race at all. He’s expecting me to realise that I’ve made a big mistake and go running back to him with my tail between my legs, but he’s clearly underestimated me — and overestimated just how much I actually like him. But even if I was jealous and I did like him, why – oh fucking why – would he think that slagging another girl off would be the way to win my heart? Or shagging another girl and telling me all about it?

A little while later, I realised something. Something that I probably shouldn’t have realised, given the situation. I’m either good in bed, or he’s had a series of bad shags. We didn’t exactly go all-out in the kink department, but he was forever telling me how “awesome” I was … and he’s clearly missing me now. Ego nicely fluffed up, I put those thoughts to the side and then concentrated my thoughts back on what a prick he was/is.

A few hours later, he text me again and apologised for his bad behaviour. I told him that we had no reason to keep talking and that I didn’t want to talk to him anymore. Or see him. Or hear from him in any way. He’s trashy. I didn’t tell him that because there’s no need for me to be mean (or stoop to his low levels), but I did unfriend him on Facebook to get my point across.

We’re done, pal.


I first introduced The Lapdog, Number 19, to you in WHY DO I WANT WHAT I CAN’T HAVE?. We’ve got a long and very complicated history, but he recently went and got himself a new girlfriend. Well, she tried to add me as a friend on Facebook … which is weird. Why is she adding me as a friend? We’re not friends. We’ve spoken to each other a handful of times, if that, and we have one or two mutuals that I’m not all that close to. So … what’s this all about? What does she want? What has she heard about me? Oh fuck … what has he said about me?

I hate that she’s made me feel all paranoid and weird. Like, I left him alone. I didn’t chase him or make things weird. It feels like I’m waiting to get a bollocking, but I’m not actually sure what I’ve done wrong.

But then it got worse. At 4 in the fucking morning, The Lapdog started calling me.


What. The. Fuck.

Exclamation point.

Question mark.

He didn’t just call once, or one phone. I have two phones and he text them both, called them both, and left messages on both when I didn’t answer. He copied my answering machine greeting in his message:

“Hi, you’ve reached [redacted]. She might grow up and talk to you when she’s done with all of her other fucking crap, but probably not.”


UGH!!! I thought we were done here. Apparently not. But this isn’t my doing. They’re meant to be all happily coupled-up, so there’s no need for either him or his girlfriend to be contacting me out of the blue, but here we are. Complicated, as always.

I need to start dating new, uncomplicated men rather than constantly recycling the old ones from my history.

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