*I should have posted this on Sunday 8th November but I’m a bad blogger…
It’s been such a long time since I blogged or at least it feels like that. It’s all been a bit nuts. I don’t even know where I should start. The Twirtation went and got all complicated and The Director and I broke up and made up again… Kinda. I’m currently sat on his couch with my feet up on his lap. Remembrance Day parade over, a spot of lunch done, we’ve retired to the couch so he could watch some shit on TV and I could catch up on my work… Or blog.
Last night was the second night we spent together despite saying a few days ago he should take a step back. It seemed he was starting fight after fight and I couldn’t work out why. I couldn’t work out how or why I kept managing to push his buttons and piss him off so much. I couldn’t figure out why he still wanted to see me if I continued to piss him off like I was either. That’s exactly what I said to him. I kept questioning things and none of it was making any sense. Plus that constant bickering was really pissing me off. I’ve never known a man to start so many fights!
The first night we spent together – Friday night, he started an argument (stupidly) whilst I was drunk. If it had been any other time I’d have argued right back but I just kinda lost it and broke down in tears. I couldn’t deal with it anymore. He’d been griping and sniping at me for what felt like the whole time we’d been together and all I’d wanted was some affection. Well, sex really but masked in affection.
I went to the bathroom to compose myself because I didn’t want him to see me cry but the damage had already been done. He heard the sniffle and he saw the tears. Mission unsuccessful. I’ve officially cried in front of him.
My tears surprised him and he stopped his bombardment of shitty one liners. He threw his arms around me and kissed my nose and forehead. That one moment alone made me melt. Men – kiss your women on the nose and forehead more. Please!
He took me to bed, we did what we do best and the weekend continued. Saturday was fireworks with Bestie, and The Director wanted me back Saturday night so he drove over to get me. I had the hump for no apparent reason and I started a fight the second I got in the car. I’d text him, he hadn’t got the text, wires were crossed… The usual. We continued through the evening, Netflix & Chillin’, until bedtime when he told me he was tired and I rolled over with a sigh. I stayed on the very edge of the bed refusing to give in to his advances right until the next morning where I shot out of bed to make tea, feed the cats, and busy myself before he’d even had the chance to wake up. We had the parade to get ready for and I was still irrationally angry at him for no reason. I couldn’t work out why. Maybe I was just in a bad mood?
I think maybe I’m just a little overemotional. It’s not like there hasn’t been a lot going on. He doesn’t help himself but I know I’ve been a grumpy, distant bitch. Not just to him either, to everyone. I think I was maybe looking for ways to start fights with him. Perhaps not intentionally but I’ve definitely been overly grumpy. Maybe I’ve been just as argumentative as I’m accusing him of being?
I’m now making a conscious effort to NOT be a bitch. Rather than getting annoyed because he didn’t send the ‘good morning’ message, I’ll send him one. Instead of getting pissed off because he hasn’t text me back in hours, I’ll text him and tell him I’m thinking of him. Maybe I should try to lead by example? At least then when he’s an argumentative fucker I’ll know it’s not because of me.
It’s so tough because we have the best time when we’re together. And it’s not just when we’re in bed before you suggest that too. I laugh so hard around him when he’s not starting fights. We have the best banter and we actually have a lot in common. Plus I think he’s hot. Like really hot.
Operation: Nice Girl commencing.
This should be fun… Trying to retrain myself not to be a bitch.