Jock My Dating Life 

Beautiful Penis, Complicated Relationship Status.

Weird things are happening and I don’t like it at all. I want my Jock back. My Beautiful Tattooed Jock. I need him back. I want my silverback gorilla! 🙁

Geek Boy… Well. I’m not really sure where to start. Things started to get very hot despite the fact I was trying to make the conversation somewhat platonic as I’m still mourning for my last relationship. He sent me a penis picture. In fact, he’s now sent me two penis pictures. Holy fucking shit. He’s the biggest thing I’ve ever seen. I actually think he might have the biggest dick I’ve ever physically seen in my life!

Tall, thick and proud. Three words that I would use to describe this penis. It was over double the height of his hands which I already know are big enough as it is. It’s got some fucking girth to it as well – he could barely close his hands around it. May I just reinstate the fact that he has MASSIVE hands! I’m not entirely sure where he thinks he’s going to be putting it. I don’t have much to offer that will accommodate that beast. I like to think of myself as a champion fucker but even I know that, that thing is a little out of my league. In fact, not even a little – a lot out of my league. One hell of a fucking lot.

Now, he had told me that he ‘wasn’t entirely’ with his girlfriend anymore, and that his relationship of two years with the girl I thought he was still with had run its course. It’s funny because he only changed his profile picture tonight (from one of them together to one of him from about eight years ago) and when he did, the supposed ex-girlfriend commented on it with a big red love heart and six cute little kisses. Broken up? Bollocks! I’m getting played for a fucking fool here. Now I know that I didn’t have intentions of meeting him anyway but that’s not the point. I was willing to play along. He pissed me off too much two years ago when he literally blew me out of his life without so much as a good bye for me to just prance back into my life and pick up where he left off. Fuck that. Plus, I’m still in mourning. I’ve not heard from Jock for a week now. I know the last message I sent to him was telling him to stop messaging me but this is taking the piss. Clearly giving him the boot was a good idea. It’s not like he’s that bothered anyway.

Anyway, back to Geek Boy. I sent him a screenshot of the profile picture with her comment and a single question mark.


“I should probably do some unfriending”

“That’s annoyed me lol. Why have you shown me this hahaha!”

“She’s deleted it…”

“You didn’t answer my question :(“

The question he’d asked was when he could see me. He’s been telling me for the past two days about how beautiful his cock is and all the things he wants to do to me. I’ve half-heartedly played along… Something to help get me through the most brutal of break-up days. You know how it is, right? Light-hearted fun…?

I responded with dignity, I feel, plus I wanted her to realise I was on her team if she ever got hold of his phone and read our messages…

“No and I’m not going to answer the question. I’m not getting involved with this. The comment has been put back on the photo. I think maybe you need to resolve that issue. Enjoy your evening.”

She won’t like what we’ve said if she ever reads them. She most certainly won’t like the filth that he has been sending to me. And filth is an understatement. He’s beyond filth. He has absolutely no respect for women. None at all. He’s going to tie me up and blindfold me so that I was entirely at his mercy. He wanted me to be his ‘plaything’. He wanted to have all the power – he was a dominant looking for his sub.

It really irritated me because as annoyed as I was that he thought it was OK to treat and talk to women the way he was talking about what he wanted to do to me, it was also insanely hot. Like I had to get myself off as we were messaging each other hot. It fucking annoyed me. I hated the blatant disrespect he had for me and the way he was talking about me. But at the same time, he kinda intrigued me. I wanted to find out more. I was curious to see if he could walk the walk as much as he could talk the talk. And was there really something so bad about a mid-breakup fling…? Plus, the shit he was saying to me was really hot. Candle wax, ice cubes, pain… Christ. It’s like he pretty much had an instruction manual to understand all the things I want to do in bed but never have the balls to ask for. Or just gave up asking for. I’m wondering if it would be like My Mr. Grey and I when we get together…? Speaking of which, things have calmed down on that front. I’ve barely heard from him over the last few days. It’s happened again. We see each and text and call furiously over the following weeks and then it dwindles off again as if it never happened. It’s a pattern I’ve learned to recognise and love.

I’ve digressed again… Going back to the story. I decided to stalk the so-called ex-girlfriend. She’s still in a relationship with him on her page. He’s removed his relationship status but if he had removed her, wouldn’t his name had been removed from her status? I know when Jock removed me from his relationship status, mine simply said ‘in a relationship” not “in a relationship with Jock’… Plus she put the comment back up. I’m assuming he had deleted it ‘by accident’ to her, but told me that she had deleted it. What a cock. What a fucking cock. Their relationship clearly isn’t over by any sense of the word. Just last weekend they were tagged in a coffee place together with a big red fucking love heart. I can’t quite believe that my so-called friend of over ten years would treat me like the other fucking woman. I mean who the fucking fuck does he think he is??

I’m something fucking special these days. I keep myself looking goof and I work damn hard to make sure I’m groomed at (almost) all times. I am not the other fucking woman. I’m the only fucking woman. Plus I’ve had enough psychotic ex-issues with Jock already. I ain’t willing to put up with another batshit crazy ex.

This is why I hate being single. I really miss my fat, grey, lazy old man 🙁

Beautiful Penis, Complicated Relationship Status.

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2 Thoughts to “Beautiful Penis, Complicated Relationship Status.”

  1. Guys only do this if they don’t respect you…know you are down…and can exploit the situation to get their ego’s rocks off. It just fantasy mostly, not that he might not fuck you of course…but relationship, no. Sure, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone, but look for the real deal out there…. it isn’t easy… you have to compromise, you have to be choosy… I never get the sense you don’t compromise in a relationship…you seem pretty willing to do that. You seem like you can commit… You just seem like one of those gals that picks a lot a losers when it comes to real relationships…some women are afraid of real hurt so they pick easy marks…who don’t challenge them? where you are always superior in a way? Maybe, that’s you? Anyway, you seem like a nice chick with plenty of pleasure to offer for a nice guy, and if you are indeed hot… well, anyway, don’t be afraid of mediocre dude out there… after three months, it is the grown up skills and what’s inside that counts… You will know you have succeeded when your blog is about a bunch of boring shit like diaper genies, dry cleaning, breast pumps, retirement plans…. 😉

  2. I’m watching Jeremy Kyle so I’ going to practice some Kyle-isms on you! Just what is it about Jock that you miss? Is it the no-flowers? Is it being left alone when you go to a posh ‘do’? Is it not going to a theme park on your birthday, only to be invited to go with the ex to be triangulated? Is it the no sex? Sorry, I’ll get my coat.

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