Hey, that rhymed.
I posted on his Facebook page: “I miss your face.”
He text me right back just moments later: “I miss so much more than your face”
We talked for a bit. Then he told me. He’s moving to the other side of the world. He’s moving to the side of the world I used to live in. Something has happened that he doesn’t want to talk about and he’s got his Visa sorted. He’s considering selling his apartment to pay for his travel etc. to the other side of the world for a while to build cars. After a while he’ll travel further. Down Under.
I’m numb. He’ll be so far away. We don’t see each other now anyway and we’ve barely spoken in months but still; he’ll be so far away.
I want to see him to say goodbye before he goes but is that really such a good idea? We’ll fuck. We always fuck. Do I have enough will power to not fuck him? I love Jock so much and I would never, ever dream of doing anything to hurt him but this is My Mr. Grey. We’ve been doing our thing for ten years. Jock and I have been together six months. Fuck. Fuck fucking fuck.
I told the Bestie I’ve Never Had a Dalliance With. He said what I expected him to say – “If he was meant to be with you, his timing would have been better. He wasn’t right for you. you need to let him go.”
I know. He’s right. He’s always right. But this is My Mr. Grey. It’s My Mr. Grey. Really? He’s going to the other side of the world?
Not long after we met he moved away. Then I got married. I couldn’t be with My Mr. Grey because we would be in a long distance relationship and neither of us wanted that. We both then promptly fell in love with people that we ended up having basically long distance relationships with. Go figure. Why is it affecting me so much that he is moving away?
Is it because I know the girls on the other side of the world will love him? He won’t be single for very long. In fact I reckon he’ll be engaged, if not married to a Canadian girl. I know that will happen. Does it bug me that he’s not going to be my back-up anymore? As much as we all know that I’m probably going to end up married and having kids with the Bestie I’ve Never Had a Dalliance with, My Mr. Grey was always my back-up plan. Do I need him anymore? Do I have enough faith in what Jock and I have that I can let My Mr. Grey go from my life completely? All of a sudden I am very agitated. I’m anxious. I’m fidgety. Things had been sailing along so smoothly… something was bound to go wrong sooner or later. Is it gonna be me that fucks things up this time? Is this what happens? If I don’t see My Mr. Grey I know I will regret it for the rest of my life. Because once he goes over there that’s it; I’ve lost him. Forever. If I do see My Mr. Grey I’ll probably sleep with him. Won’t I? I couldn’t keep that kind of thing a secret from Jock. It would eat me up inside and I know it will. That’s not the sort of person I am anymore. Once upon a time, perhaps; but not know. I’d need to tell him and he would never, ever forgive me. I could never forgive myself. Do I really think I have enough will power to refrain from jumping on the bones of My Mr. Grey for the sake of my beautiful Jock? Do I?
Fuck. Why does this happen? My Mr. Grey has a funny fucking way of throwing a spanner in the works when things are going really well for me.
Oh and the Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of is back in touch again… It was kinda my own fault really. It was early in the morning and I saw something on Facebook about a TV show that we used to watch together high. I shared it with him and of course, this started a conversation. He was questioning whether or not I had lost the junk in my trunk with my recent weight loss. I sent him a picture. Remember the picture I shared of the outfit I was planning on wearing to the party (7:56am). I sent him that picture. He made me very aware that he was thinking about the junk in my trunk. He made me very aware what he did while he was reminiscing about his massive cock, balls deep in my ass. Ooops. Pretty sure I just accidentally initiated phone sex. I’ve steered the conversation to a cleaner level for now but I’m pretty sure I’m just gonna have to ignore his messages soon.
Oh and on top of this ladies and gentlemen, I appear to have found myself a stalker.
I was sorting some stuff out at work for him and gave him my number so I could help him. I made him very aware that I was happily dating someone and had no interest in him in anything other than a professional manner. He doesn’t appear to have taken my not-so-subtle hints. He keeps coming up with problems which I’m sure are just an excuse to see me. I’m managing to keep him at arms bay for just now but I don’t think I’ve seen the last of him despite the fact that I’ve managed to sort out hi plentiful problems.
Oh and the icing on the cake is that I have no time to do anything and I’m nowhere near ready for it to be Christmas. No fucking way. Not a chance in hell. I’m skint too. Things are not going well for me right now.