I think I may be in trouble. I think I might care for One Ball more than I thought I did. Or my feelings have grown for him, I’m not sure. He’s gone back to where he normally works, a few hours drive from where I live, and he’s literally the only thing I can think about. He came to my work yesterday to say goodbye and it was almost too painful to bear. Okay, that might be a bit dramatic, but that’s how it felt. It suddenly felt very real that we would be in a long distance relationship. Well, ish. It’s only going to be a couple of weeks until I see him next, and we won’t be able to talk that much, and if I miss him already, I can only imagine how much more I’m going to miss him. It’s barely been 24 hours and I’ve got it bad. Maybe he’s stealing my heart? Perhaps I didn’t make a big mistake when I gave him another chance after all the lies? Let’s just hope I’m not wearing rose-tinted glasses.
He sent me a funny little picture that he’d drawn. He originally saw something on Pinterest, but he didn’t want to send the original because it contained the word ‘love’. So instead he drew me a new one, replacing the bad word with ‘like’, and sent me a photo of it.
And then he told me he was hooked.
What does this mean? How has this happened? How have I gone from being fifty-fifty about him, to not being able to stop thinking about him. We’ve only been dating for a couple of months … and it’s not like those couple of months have been all that easy. Am I finally opening my heart after the torture that was Big Love? I didn’t feel this way about The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of (hence the name), so is this it? Am I moving on?
Everything is natural and effortless around him. We have similar temperaments and senses of humour, and we’re definitely well-matched in the bedroom. Who knows what’s happening here, but I think it could be a real feeling. I’m not sure I even want to say this out loud but I think I’m finally ready to fall in love again. He’s the confidence boost I desperately needed, and I’m just going to roll with it. What’s the worst that can happen? I’ll get my heart broken again? It’s not as if I haven’t been through that a bunch of times before — but I always lived to tell the tale.
How much can it hurt, anyway?