I’ve finally figured out the answer to that age-old question – What do you need to get a hot date?
The answer? Another hot date.
And then another one thrown in on top of that for good measure.
I don’t even know where to start. It’s only been like three days…
Slightly stung from The Gemini’s rejection, I decided to take it like a man and jump right back on the internet dating horse. I wasn’t going to give up that easily. I’m on the hunt for a man and I WILL find one. Plus I hadn’t met him. He might have been a Grade A dick for all I know.
It wasn’t long before another hottie popped up. May I introduce to you… (thinking of a super cool nickname) The Director. He lied on his internet dating profile to say he was 37 but he’s actually 41. That bugged me a little. That means there is 12 years between us and he’s in the over 40 bracket. Technically that put him in the same bracket as my mother and father. That’s not right… Right?
Age aside, I don’t even know where to start. He’s an ex solider boy (military pattern continues) with no kids. I don’t think he has ever been married. He’s the director of some company. Oh and he likes rimming.
He’s a total sex pest but one of those really cheeky chappy ones that totally gets away with it. He does it so well too – he’s so smooth, so charming with his cute up-north accent and hilarious witty banter. He comes out with the most outrageous of lines and he’s so honest and upfront, I can’t believe some of the things he says to me.
He was in his past relationship for six years. They had sex about 20 times in total during that time apparently. He couldn’t live in a sexless relationship like that any longer (as he is a total sex pest) and isn’t a fan of cheating so he left her instead. It’s nice to know he has some morals.
He has been very direct with his views on sex – it’s important to him, he’s an adult, he doesn’t want to beat around the bush, he doesn’t like vanilla sex… He’s made his stance on sex very clear. He wants me to pop things up his pooper and he loves rimming – both giving and receiving.
I have never met a man that has been so open about this stuff before. I’m trying to work out if he’s one of those weirdos I should probably be avoiding but I don’t think he is. I think he’s just a cheeky chappy trying to find someone on the same wavelength as he is. He’s an arrogant son of a bitch but he doesn’t strike me as a total asshole. Although let’s face it, I have been wrong about this on many occasions before.
He’s left handed (I’ve always been strangely attracted to left handed men) and has a fucking killer body. For an old guy, he certainly keeps himself in shape. He has that lean, slender, totally ripped martial arts look about him and with his brown and grey spattered hair and tattoos, he’s totally on my radar. All those things I figured I wanted (after Jock) – older, slightly greying, tattoos, etc., he’s got ‘em. I’ve never really been a girl for six-pack abs but this guy – he’s hot. I’m not ashamed to admit that the only reason we got talking originally was because I’d quite like to fuck him and now we seem to have this crazy sexual openness going on, I want to fuck him even more. And why not? I’m a single pringle. I’m still under 30. I can still get away with a one-night stand… Right? Except I don’t think it’s going to be a one night stand.
A few days of non-stop chatting (standard) and I can’t think of anything more exciting than the prospect of taking this guy to bed and if he walks the walk like he talks the talk, I’m not gonna wanna do it just the once. We have exchanged numbers and I have RARELY seen him online on the dating site since! He’s filthy and respectful and thinks I could be a “keeper”. He likes me, he likes my direct and honest approach, and he thinks I’m worth a shot.
Fuck off. Could I finally have found a man that is actually on the same wavelength as me? Surely not…
The whole shoving-things-up-his-ass / rimming thing is something I’m clearly going to need to talk about another time. That’s a whole can of worms I guess I’m now going to need to explore. I’m not really sure when I should bring up the whole undiagnosed bowel condition and cervical issues but I figured I could at least have sex with him before I go chucking in all the serious stuff. I’ll be honest, at this point, I’m looking to have fun. I want to have frivolous sex with a man that makes me feel good about myself. Safe sex obviously – I’m not a total div. But I do – I want the thrill of the chase of a new man. I want to take a new man to bed for the first time. I want someone brand new to explore and have fun with.
Splitting with Someone New has awoken a side of me I probably should have showed him – the fun side of me. If he’d have seen more of that side of me, maybe things would have gone slightly differently. The side where I don’t want to write / work all the time and I have an overwhelming urge to go out and get drunk, perhaps ending up having badass great sex with someone to put the cherry on the top. The fun me – the one who actually know how to have a good time and isn’t worried about what she’s eating, whether or not that glass of wine will give me crippling stomach pains tomorrow, that kind of thing. I’ve been that uptight, miserable bitch for too long. I need a play-guy. Maybe The Director could be that guy?
Not that it matters because apparently, I have backup…