Do you want to know something that really annoys me? I’m gonna tell you anyway.
Men who talk to me on POF (yes that’s right, it’s another internet dating rant), who then go on to exchange numbers with me, spend all day and night talking to me via WhatsApp or iMessage, but are still online on POF every time I have a cheeky look.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not nuts. I know that just exchanging numbers with someone doesn’t make you ‘exclusive’. But is it really so wrong to have a guy’s full attention for just like ten minutes? Does he really need to be chatting to a whole bunch of other women? What was the point in taking my number? If we have such good chemistry and he’s so determined to meet me, why would he keep chatting to other women at the same time? Surely he knows I can see that?
Am I being nuts? I’m talking about a new guy by the way. We’ve been talking for about a week and we exchanged phone numbers a couple of nights ago. We’re planning our first date for late into next week. I think he works pretty shitty hours in ‘security’ and I’ve not been well this week. I’ve had lots of tests and I’ve been very under the weather. Plus I keep planning dates with ex-boyfriends. You know how it is.
When we exchanged numbers, I took that as a positive sign. I had passed the first test, as had he, and we were moving on. Very soon it would be a voice call, maybe even a video chat, and then we would meet – maybe an early-afternoon coffee or lunch date. Something to give us the rest of the day free if we enjoy each other’s company, but still have enough time to make up that fake appointment if we need to – “Sorry, I’d love to stay longer but I’ve got to go and feed my cat / wash my hair / take out the garbage / whatever…” AKA – thanks but no thanks, I’m outta here.
When I take a guy’s phone number, I don’t do it light-heartedly. I don’t give my phone number out to just anyone. I wait for a man to ask me for my number and if I don’t think he’ll treat it with the respect it deserves, I won’t give it to him. I have plenty of friends, I don’t need any more. If I don’t think you’re dating material, I won’t waste your time or mine. But if I give that number out, you have my full attention. I will put all my hard work into just you until I have a reason to think you might not be dating material. What would be the point in going into it half-heartedly? I don’t have time for multiple men in my life and I’m too shit at lying to consider taking a whole bunch of guys out on dates. I would go through them one at a time instead. I’d only forget what I’ve said to who otherwise.
It kinda bugs me when I take a guy’s number, we’re messaging full stop and I see him back online on POF. Its even worse when they’re online all the time. It’s very unattractive and I wonder if he’s saying the same things to everyone else that he’s saying to me. Is he calling someone else ‘smurf’ (like Someone New did too bizarrely) and ‘muffin’ like he keeps calling me?
Is it wrong of me to find this a tad disrespectful? Is it so wrong of me to want his full attention like I’m giving to him? My profile has been hidden since we exchanged numbers and it will stay that way until I decide he’s not the guy for me. Or he decides I’m not the girl for him. Then I’ll go back onto the dating site and go fishing for someone new. I thought that was how everyone did it? Apparently not.
I just don’t see the point in trying to get something off the ground with this new fella if I’m still out on the prowl for the next big thing that comes along. What happens if two guys come along at the same time? (Ha! I wish!) Why I would make life that much harder for myself?
…. Says the girl who’s going out on a fake-date with her ex-boyfriend from ten years ago…
But seriously though, here’s some internet dating advice – if you’re going to take my number, at least give me your full attention for a little while. What’s the point otherwise? We may as well have stayed chatting on POF.