The Fifth Day

Okay, I didn’t message him yesterday and I’m sorry to talk about it again. I’m so agitated these days. I can’t sit still. I didn’t sleep well last night. I’m off work today and I can’t stay anywhere for five minutes to get a task completed. My attention span has gone down to about 3 seconds. I’m annoyed.

I was going to text him when I woke up simply saying “I’m assuming we’re done here?”

I didn’t send it. I didn’t send anything.

Now my feelings are most definitely hurt. I told him last week that I had so much stuff I wanted to tell him. It seemed that so much exciting stuff had happened and we barely got the chance to talk about it. Then we stopped talking. I still haven’t told him my news. It’s not really anything that exciting – I created a website with a colleague at work and it’s starting to make us money. I got a couple of really good projects in my freelance writing work. I lost five stone. I haven’t seen him in two weeks now and I now he’ll be able to see how much weight I’ve lost. A lot of people have commented on the last couple of days so I know I’m looking good. I want him to see that. I bought the cutest red spotted apron to wear in the kitchen while I made his dinner teamed with just a pair of shoes and nothing else. I didn’t get the chance to show him that. I also got the cutest knee high white sports socks and some white boy-shorts to wear underneath his football jersey. I didn’t get the chance to show him that either. He keeps saying he wants me to dance for him while I take my clothes off. I wanted to do that for him. I would have needed to smoke a joint or had a glass of wine or something beforehand but I wanted to give it a shot.

I talked to the Bestie I’ve Never Had a Dalliance With and he’s annoyed at Jock for doing this. He knows how much Jock means to me and although I’m playing things cool and not really letting on that it’s bothering me, he knows I’m upset.

I wanted to show Jock the little booties that I had gotten a female friend for when her baby comes. They are the cutest little blue converse-style sneakers with stars on them. They are possibly the cutest things I’ve ever seen and I’m genuinely considering getting a pair just to add in with my shoe collection. For real.

Five days… I get the feeling that we may have left things go too far now. This guy was REALLY into me. Either that or he was a great actor. How has it happened that he has gone from missing me more than he could say, being so in love with me that he would do anything for me, and worshipping the ground I walk on to not talking to me for almost an entire week?!? How has that happened? What has happened? What did I do?

Don’t get me wrong – everything was totally reciprocated. We were so in love together. One fight over one night out and we’re at this point?! I don’t know if we’re together or apart. I don’t know if he’s acting single or not. It’s been five days. I know that’s not really that long in the grand scheme of things but for us, five hours is a long time. Five days is a fucking joke.