Grrrr. That's My Angry Noise.My Dating Life 

Grrrr. That’s My Angry Noise.

Grrrr. That's My Angry Noise.

I’ve been super busy recently, and a very bad blogger! I guess I’ve had nothing interesting to say, that and the fact that I’ve literally been up to my eyeballs with work. Makin’ paper, as the cool kids would say.

I’d like to take some time out of my busy work schedule to talk about a man. Not a man I’m dating, not even a man I’ve dated in the past – one of Bestie’s ‘friends’. You know – one of those people you knew and once drank with like a hundred years ago, but probably wouldn’t even like if you met them now. Anyway, after not speaking for probably about three years, and not even being that close in the first place, he decided to pop up on Facebook and comment on a new profile picture I had uploaded. Now, before I begin my tale and share with you the delightful words this trampy little chav decided to send me via private message, I would just like to re-make my point – we’ve never had a remotely sexual relationship, we’ve never kissed, he’s been with the same girl the entire time I’ve known him (10 years or so), and they have recently had a baby boy together. I don’t even think the kid is a year old yet. Him and the Baby Momma are engaged, although I’m almost one hundred percent sure he’s cheated on her multiple times, and I’m one hundred and ten percent sure she knows about a few of them, if not all of them.

Trampy Little Chav: “Holy fuckin shit!!! Now your profile picture is HOT AS FUCK!!!”

Me: “Erm, thanks.” 

TLC: “No, thank you. You’re in the wank bank!” 

Me: “You’re not meant to tell me that.” 

TLC: “It’s your fault, you shouldn’t look that hot.” 

Me: “Okay, I take all the blame.”

TLC: “It’s okay. You can make it up to me by coming round dressed like that and pushing me on the bed … ;)”

Me: “Mmhmm, I’m sure your fiancee would love that.”

TLC: “If she did, I wouldn’t be asking you… You know I’m joking right?” 

Grrrr. That's My Angry Noise.

Yeah, sure you’re joking mate. This is me again, by the way, transcript over. Can you believe it? Seriously … can you fucking believe it? This guy is ENGAGED, that means he’s getting MARRIED to that girl – the dumb girl who forgives and forgets all his little (or not so) infidelities and still chooses to marry him and spawn his sproglets. They have a fucking child together. I don’t doubt she’s already planning the next one. You see, she’s quite a little hottie but I don’t think she believes she deserves anything more than him. He’s the hottest thing in the world to her. Not to me, I think he’s a creep. One of those chavvy little creeps who wears football shirts and track pants and has bad tattoos. A little Ross Geller-like with too much try-hard product in his hair. There’s a reason we’ve never had any kind of sexual / romantic relationship … it’s because I’m not into him in the slightest.

That message exchange though … that made me really mad. Who does he think he is, talking to me like that? We haven’t said a peep to each other in almost three years and the first words you think it’s appropriate to say to me are “You’re hot as fuck,” “You’re in my wank bank,” and “I want you to walk in and push me down on the bed.” I wouldn’t mind but my profile picture wasn’t even overtly sexual. I mean I’m dressed a little cosplay-like (those who have known me for a while on Twitter probably know what I’m talking about), but I’m not baring any flesh. No cleavage on show. No legs out. It’s a hot picture, but definitely not one that warranted that kind of lecherous response from some cretin who should be paying more attention at home. Seriously. What the fuck is wrong with these men?

The conversation went on …

“You should know me by now. I love a bit of bants!

You’ve gone quiet … ? 

Do you think I’m being serious about meeting up?”

In the end, I figured I’d just tell him straight seeing as ignoring his lecherous “joking” come-on wasn’t working:

Me: “Nope. It’s just inappropriate “bants” so I’m ignoring it.” 

TLC: “Oh, sorry hun. I didn’t mean to be inappropriate. I thought you’d have known I was joking with you. I’ll watch I don’t do that again.”

And then I lost my shit a little…

“You shouldn’t be talking like this with any chick at all, let alone me, someone you haven’t even spoken a word to for three years. I know this much, if I were to spot messages like this on my significant other’s phone, I’d lose my shit.” 

Another apology received, another “I didn’t mean it”. Yeah, I’m sure you’re back-tracking now dickhead, you’re worried I’ll tell the Baby Momma. And you know what? For a split second, I genuinely considered messaging her. I’m friends with them both on Facebook, and although I don’t want to break up a home, I’m getting real pissed off with people thinking they can talk to me like that. Not even a hello, hi, how you doing? Nope, none of that. Just “You’re hot as fuck, I’m putting you in my wank-bank.” It reminds me of when that married guy I once went to high school with started hitting on me, except his wife was pregnant at the time. He didn’t even have the post-baby slump to blame.

The thing that makes it worse is that these guys don’t ruin marriage or relationships for the women that they’re with. Or maybe they do? But they’re still married up and apparently living their “happy ever after” with kids, a nice home, and a couple of cars in tow while I’m cynical, bitter, and hating on most men, distrusting because so many of my married male friends have hit on me, or I’ve seen them hit on other women. Even the most well-behaved of men have been a tiny bit tempted by the sniff of skirt …

It just pisses me off. I’m sat here angry, shocked and mortified that a guy would think it’s okay to talk to me like that, a guy I haven’t spoken to for years, and he’s still married, not getting his karma comeback at all. He’s got the hottie of a wife sat at home, and the beautiful, bouncing baby boy too. And I’m just the single 30-something who married men hit on when they’re feeling brave, lonely, or frisky. It’s so demoralising.

Maybe I should feel flattered, but I don’t. I just feel creeped out, and I genuinely considered changing my profile picture to prevent any further offensive messages. But then I realised that’s just dumb and I can’t not do things in case some guy finds it sexual. So I unfriended him, and if his fiancee notices and asks why, I shall tell her the truth. Not that I imagine she’ll notice, or ask me for that matter. As I’ve said, I’m pretty sure she knows about his past infidelities anyway.

Grrrr. That's My Angry Noise.

Grrrr. That’s my angry noise. 

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