In the search for my ‘perfect man’, if ever such a unicorn were to exist, I’ve learned a few things. I don’t really know what I’m looking for as such, but there are some definite things I’m NOT looking for. Number one on that list of things I’m NOT looking for – really miserable, whiny men.
And thus a new list was born…
Things That Turn Me Off #1: Really Whiny Men
I know that men have just as many things to moan about as women do but seriously, put a lid on it. Recently I’ve attracted a string of men who seem intent on telling me all about their life and dating fails. New friends, lovers, men I maybe want to date (at first)…
Why are they all in such a hurry to tell me all about their love-life fuck-ups?
Why do they want to tell me any of that shit at all?
There was the cute skater guy on POF who told me all about his last failed relationship with some woman who wouldn’t have kids with him, fucked him over, took his money and then had a baby within three months of dating the next man who came along.
Right, okay, I can deal with that. We’ve all got skeletons in the closet; men and women we hate because of the things they did to us in our relationships and subsequent breakups. But if I were to tell a potential datee stuff like that before we’ve even met up, within the first two days of messaging in fact, I would be branded a whiny bitch.
But then there have been many men who were so in love with someone else, no other woman would ever have got a look-in. These were men I possibly would have wanted to date if they’d not been so melodramatic, and when I told one as such, tough-love and all that, I was accused of being jealous of his non-starting relationship with someone else and sent abusive messages well into the night.
What the fuck?
I’m trying to be a positive person and I cannot deal with this negative bullshit. If we haven’t even met yet and I know more about your woes than I know about YOU, you’ve probably already lost my interest.
Why are men doing this? Why are men not men any more? I know women want their lovers to be more sensitive, more ‘in-tune’ with their emotions and other such bullshit, but I don’t. I still want a man to be a man. I don’t always want to know what he’s thinking or how much he still hates his last girlfriend. I don’t want him to be over-emotional and break-down every five minutes. No, I don’t want any of that. If he’s still thinking about that other woman, he shouldn’t be dating me. I want a man to be a man – distant, aloof and unreachable at times, and then I want him to take me to bed and objectify me. I will be your best friend, your soul mate, your guidance counsellor and your “sex object”.
I’m a lady and you will treat me as such but when we’re feeling frisky… Hell, you can treat me as a sex object all you like. I plan on doing the same to you. Or am I not meant to say that?
But before we even get to any hint of nakedness, I’m forced to listen to drivel from guy after guy moaning about money problems, kid problems, ex-girlfriend problems, work problems, kitchen-ceiling problems, man-friend problems, blah…
I’m not dumb. I know we all have problems. I know these are problems we are ALL faced with every day, relatives getting sick or a friend needing a shoulder to cry on, but when did it become so necessary to talk about it on a date? Or worse than that… BEFORE the first date!
I’ve had men tell me about their ex-girlfriends and how much they still hate them. To me that says unfinished business. I’m bored now. Next.
I’ve had men tell me about their money woes and how they’re struggling to ‘adult’. What the fuck? How is that attractive to women? To anyone? If I were to turn up on a first date (or before) and start talking about all my money problems, I would come across as a money-grabber, a gold-digger, just interested in his wonga. I’m pretty sure I’d get called that name, if not to my face, in a drunken conversation in the pub with his mates afterwards.
“I bought her a drink and all she did was talk about how she couldn’t make her mortgage payment that month!”
“Money-grabber mate, she’s after your money. Dodged a bullet there.”
I always believed exes, finances and politics (mostly because I don’t follow the topic at all) were bad things to bring up when you first start dating someone. Why has it become the new trend?
I’m sick of it. I’m sick of listening to men and their woes. I’m tired of hearing about other women and how much unrequited love sucks, and how soul-destroying it is to not have enough money at the end of the month, or how gutted you are that you can’t afford V-Fest this year… Or whatever it’s called. I’m so out the loop.
But I’m bored of listening to all these problems, pretending to be interested, already mentally moving onto the next hottie that comes along.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not a cold-hearted bitch. When I’m in a relationship with someone, or if I consider someone to be a friend, I’ll help that person out all I can. They can have all my money if it helps them. We’ve already established I’m a mug like that, something I’m trying to work on by the way.
*Must remember not to be so generous!*
But seriously, when I’m yours and you’re mine and we’re ‘together’, I’ll be everything you need. I’ll listen to you moan about friends-of-friends, or provide a supportive shoulder to cry on when you need it, but on a first date and before that, stop boring me with all your hogwash. Why are you telling virtual strangers your life problems? I’m so over hearing it. I want you to want to get to know me, not project your misery on every aspect of our dalliance. I want to make you laugh and forget about your worries, not be the counsellor who guides you through them. Dammit, you should look forward to our dates not be exhausted by them. Yawn.
I am not free therapy.
So men, I know you have problems and I will be there to support you through every single one of them if we end up together or as friends, but if we’ve only just started dating or worse, just started talking, keep your problems to yourself. I’m not interested. I don’t care. If I were to behave the way you’re behaving right now, I’d never get a date ever again.
You’re turning me off.