Slut: Analysed

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So the hangover seems to have subsided somewhat and I’ve had some time to focus myself. I’ve had some time to think back over the stuff that happened on my date. I am genuinely not impressed with my dumbass behaviour. I shouldn’t have slept with him. I shouldn’t have acted the way I did. He’s been regaling me with tales of our night all day and although he seems to fucking love it, I’m not sure where Little Miss Sassy pants came from. I’m going to put her back in the cage she clearly belongs in. Slut bag.

At one stage he said to me, “My favourite line of the entire night was when I told you to lay down and let me play with your ass. You just smiled at me and said okay!” 

Really? On a first date? Really?! I hang my head in shame. I really do. I actually debated whether or not I should tell the whole truth in this post for fear of being judged but what’s the point in not… It’s anonymous right?

Fuck it though. I had a lot of fun and wasn’t that my plan in the first place? I knew I’d be going home with him before I even left my house that night. I’m just saying if a girl wears matching underwear, it wasn’t the guy who decided to have sex that night. I may have gotten a second date out of him but it’s not enough to keep him off POF though. I don’t know how I felt about him being online earlier on. To be fair I was stupid enough to look. I don’t have a reason to go on the site anymore. I hid my profile a few days ago out of respect more than anything else and I was kinda hoping I wouldn’t need to unhide it again. You see, I thought he was worth giving all of my attention to. I guess it doesn’t work both ways. He wasn’t just online for a few minutes either. He was online for a while. Really? The guy that keeps telling me he doesn’t want to share…?

I don’t know whether I should be offended by this but I am. I am offended that he said goodnight to me and then spent an hour or so chatting up a bunch of other women online, less than 24 hours after he was hanging out the back of me. Does that mean he thinks I’m not worth putting his full attention into? Upon further inspection, it would appear he’s updated his photos too. Although to be fair that could have happened anytime. Although one of them was a photo that I’m pretty sure he took right before our date. Just saying. Ugh this is exactly why you shouldn’t sleep with a guy on the first date. Maybe if I hadn’t, he wouldn’t be trawling other women right now. I wouldn’t be questioning absolutely everything. It’s so frustrating when you consider we clicked so well. Did I fuck it up? What do I do now? Because I refuse to be his booty call despite my slutty behaviour.

Our next date is in 18 hours – Netflix and chill. He’ll cook dinner and “sex is optional”. He’s not the smallest guy. I’m not the biggest girl. My vagina needs some serious R&R but I’ll be honest, when he sent me a photo in his military get-up earlier on, I shit my pants with glee. I kinda wanna be able to say that’s my guy. I don’t want him to be talking to other women.

I’ve decided to give it to the second date, third date max. If the third date even happens. If he’s still online after that, we’ll be having the chat. It’ll go something like this:

“So I’m meant to be going on a date tonight but I don’t really know how I feel and whether or not I should. I don’t know the rules. What do you think…?” 

Obviously I’ll hope he tells me that he wants us to be exclusive and he doesn’t want to fuck other women. I’ll hope he tells me he’ll deactivate his profile. If he doesn’t though, if he says it’s okay for me to go on the date, I’m not so sure he’s the right kinda guy for me anyway… You know? At least then I’ll know one way or another. If you don’t know whether or not you want to date me after three dates, bearing in mind I put out on the first date, made it quite the performance and you’ve already seen me blind drunk, you definitely don’t want to date me. I’m like Marmite. You either love me or you hate me. That’s fine. It makes life simpler for me. But I don’t want to be the just-in-case girl. Or the put-out-on-a-first-date girl (even though I was).

I’m going to be a lady on the second date. I don’t suppose it matters whether we sleep together or not. But I will look pretty and I’ll act like a lady and I definitely won’t drink that much again. I might let myself have a glass of wine or two but I won’t be getting shitbagged. I can’t do that to myself again. I can’t handle the hangover and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t get a third date if I did that again. I want our second date to be the sultry, flirty first date we should have had…. And did have up until the point we fell into bed together.

Maybe I’m just thinking too much into it? After all hasn’t he already said that he hopes I want the second date and that there will be many more. Didn’t he say he was excited to see me again? Let’s re-evaluate things after the second date. Yes let’s do that.

I’m still cringing though honestly. Ah fuck it. Girls give themselves far too much of a hard time for the kind of things guys do every weekend.

Seriously though, if you want my advice – don’t put out on the first date. You’ll end up judging yourself a whole load more than he ever did. 

One thought on “Slut: Analysed

  1. Karen

    If I were you I wouldn’t use the ‘I’m meant to be going on a date tonight’ line, because that may bring up other thoughts in him than a pure ‘are we exclusive, I just want to know where we stand’ talk. For instance, he might think you are just signalling that you aren’t looking to be exclusive yet, if you have already arranged a date, and you are telling him nicely to let him know. In my experience, it is always better to be completely honest and open. Good luck!

    Reply

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