I just got home from work and, annoyingly, I miss my boyfriend already. Sigh. It’s been less than 24 hours since I said goodbye to the guy and I’m just sat here, sad, missing him. I don’t miss him a little bit, either … I miss him a lot.
We’ve barely spoken today. Things were a bit weird when he dropped me home last night if I’m being honest about it. There were no long smooches before I got out, no holding hands, no telling each other that we couldn’t wait to see each other again. That’s what normally happens, but this time … well, he basically threw my bag at me via the open window on the passenger side in a bid to speed up my departure from his car.
It did NOT feel good.
It played on my mind for the whole of today, actually. I spoke to one of my co-workers about it and she tried to reason with me.
“Maybe he just really needed to go home and do a number two or something?” she suggested.
I just laughed. Inwardly, I felt like crying.
I’ve gone over our conversations last night so many times now, and I think I might’ve pinpointed the moment where things changed between us. He brought up a conversation we’d had previously; one where I asked him if he meant ‘love’ when he text me ‘L YOU’ that one time. I told him that I wasn’t accepting the real L-word via text message and he took that to mean that I wanted him to give me the world when he eventually does say it to me.
“If you want the full she-bang, you can have it. When I decide to say that word to you, I’ll come into your work with a barbershop quarter and sing it!” he said.
And I gulped.
Firstly, who said I wanted the full she-bang? I mean, I might’ve used those words, but did he really need to take them so literally? I just didn’t want to be told that he loves me the first time via digital message. Is wanting him to say it to my face really that much to ask for? Did it have to be blown into barbershop-quarter-sized proportions?
Secondly … WHEN he decides to say that word? Not if? Does that mean he loves me already? It’s just a case of when he says it? Not if? Because if he knows that he loves me already, he should just go ahead and say it and save us both this awful torturous bit.
And thirdly, I don’t want a bloody barbershop quartet. That’s just embarrassing and I would absolutely die of embarrassment if someone sent an actual barbershop quartet to my place of work.
At the same time … isn’t that quite a cute gesture, though? Don’t I want someone who would go out of their way to do things like that for me? Perhaps not the barbershop quartet, but something like it? Big and awesome and totally different from anything I’ve ever had before? Didn’t I say I wanted something new? A new adventure?
I just feel like whatever this is, is going to be crazy. It already is crazy. A whirlwind. And it feels like something big and crazy and even more whirlwind’y is coming. I don’t know how or why I think that, but I just do.
Bring it on, I guess … barbershop quartet and everything.
(Really tho, no barbershop quartets plz.)