I keep reading all these posts on the internet, in particular places such as Cosmo, telling men “how to give the perfect cunnilingus” and other such bollocks. Admittedly I have learned a few tips and tricks from articles like these in magazines and on websites, but for the most part, I find myself giggling at the ridiculous things I’m reading.
I don’t know how to make the ‘average’ woman come to orgasm via cunnilingus, therefore I feel that the title “How to Give Your Girlfriend the Best Head of Her Life” would probably be bordering on false advertising, so I’m going to take a different approach instead.
This is How to Give Your Girlfriend the Best Head of Her Life
… according to me. So, essentially, how to give me the best head of my life.
What’s the point in this, I hear you ask? Well, a while back, a few of the other bloggers and I were doing what we do best – taking the piss out of yet another poorly-written Cosmopolitan article, and I came up with an idea. Cosmopolitan should let ACTUAL sex bloggers have control of the sex pieces in their magazine just once. Well, all the time actually, but I’d settle for just once. Do you know why I think this? Because then the stuff you read would be REAL. None of this “anal sex is bad” bullshit that I keep coming across.
*Because anal sex is not bad. I could probably find a hundred and one blog posts explaining why this is most definitely not the case. I’ll probably just start with this one by Exhibit A though:
In the spirit of being all talk AND all walk, I’m now writing the piece that I would probably submit to Cosmopolitan. Well, if I were ever asked to write a guide on how to give your girlfriend the best head of her life.
Getting head, receiving oral, laying back and thinking of England while your date performs cunnilingus … There are a hundred and one things you could call it. So many women complain that so many men just don’t know how to do it, so either I’ve been been super lucky with the men I’ve chosen to let down my pants for, or I have some sort of radar that ensures I only go to bed with men who have great oral skills. Because, let me tell you, I have had many, many orgasms from a good ol’ session of oral sex. I figured that would give me plenty of experience when it comes to conveying what I like …
When you give me head, it needs to be about the entire experience. You can’t just dive south, head for my pussy, and hope everything works as it should do. My body works pretty well because I know what to do with it, but not even I can muster up an orgasm when the captain of the ship doesn’t have the right technique.
At the same time, I don’t need a technique as such. Just like most women (I would imagine), a steady, lapping rhythm will often get me there eventually, and so will small circles made with the tip of your tongue around my clit, but a combination of these, mixed in with some clever finger-action, and you’ll turn things from an orgasm to an O-O-O-O-ORGASM! And isn’t that just what you want to do?
Start with my nipples. In fact, scrap that, start much higher up still. Kissing my neck in just the right spot will cause goosebumps to erupt all over my body, as will the feeling of your breath on my skin of my neck as you whisper the naughty little things you want to do me into my ear. Now place your hand on the base of my back and lead me to the bedroom, being dominant and gentle all in one.
When we get there, undress me slowly. Kiss me as you do so, taking a moment to twirl your tongue around the nipple you just playfully released from my bra. Leave my bra on, take it off, I don’t really care as long as you play with my nipples. Not enough men play with them for my liking, and the right touches can make me wet without the need for anything else.
Lay me back on the bed, kiss down my now-bare stomach, and then use your hands to grasp and grab the skin and flesh on my hips and my thighs. Bite them, my hip bones, I mean, and really grab them – be a man, I want to know that all you want to do is devour me, every single little part of me, all of the womanly flesh I have around the sexiest parts of me. Bite me, nibble at my skin, lick my flesh, kiss the parts of me most men would ignore … Enjoy it – it’s all yours.
As you slide down my jeans, or whatever I’m wearing, pull at my legs to bring my pussy closer to you as you kneel at the bottom of the bed. Look at my pussy, marvel at it, glide your hands all over my body, remembering that my nipples still have that same pussy-moistening effect when you play with them whilst going down on me as they do when you randomly twiddle them to get me going in the kitchen. Reach up from your spot and twist them a little, tug them, turn them, give them a flick before painfully pinching them. These are all the things I long for you to do to me, all the things that help to build me up before you’ve even started to get to work on my pussy.
Take your time when you get there. Don’t touch my sex, ignore my clit, don’t give me those touches I’m desperately starting to crave. Make me work for it. Tease me. Play with me. Kiss and bite at my stomach, nibble and lick at my thighs, caress around my outer lips, maybe give them a little cheeky little nibble or a suck while you’re there. They’re more sensitive than most people give them credit for, and a slightly painful tug can leave me flooding all over your hand. If you bite and suck on them before, during, and after, I’ll love you forever for it. That’s the thing I never say to you when you ask me what I want. I want you to play with the entirety of me more often. All the time, in fact. Please just play with me. I won’t leave out your balls if you don’t leave out my lips. Both sets of them. Did I mention the kissing? Plenty of kissing should go without saying. I want to be kissed more. Everywhere.
Your oral technique isn’t as important as you may have first thought, and getting that rhythm right might seem like a big deal, but it’s not. My moans and groans will let you know when you’re doing things right, and if I’m not squirming or squiggling because of your capable hands, try something else – switch it up. But that’s the trick – experiment, try different things, don’t stick to what you know, because if that didn’t work before, trying even longer at it probably won’t work either. And sometimes, she’s just not going to get there. You definitely shouldn’t make her feel bad for that. You just need more practice which she probably won’t complain about.
Use your fingers at the same time as your tongue when you’re weaving your magic on me. You can even just use one finger, arching it up towards the top of my pelvis from within, and stroking that little fleshy section that you know will bring good things if you keep it up. If you do that and draw circles around my clit with your tongue, I’ll cum in no time at all, especially if you’ll allow me to play with my own nipples. And if you don’t get the hint, I’ll reach my hand down and show you the circles around my clit that always work. Learn from me, watch me, do as I do and you’ll soon get it right. Encourage me to play with myself, and you’ll soon become the best lover I ever had. I’ll show you how to get the sparks flying.
It’s not all about the circles though. Dragging your tongue up one side of my clit, and then down the other also feels amazing, as does light strokes directly over it. Not too much pressure – I don’t like that. Kissing, sucking, groaning a little … that all feels so amazing though, I wish I could tell you how much. Instead, you should just listen for those appreciative moans and groans, and watch for the signs that show I’m getting close – that my orgasm is starting to build up.
If you’re doing it right, you’ll start to notice a change in my breathing. It’ll get louder, and more ragged as that oh-so-fabulous O gets closer, and my hands will start to grasp at the sheets, at your hair, at everything and anything within reach. My hips will start to move, swaying and bucking, trying to match the motion of your relentless tongue that, every now and again, will take a break from its torment of my clitoris, and will change to lapping up the mess your deft fingers will have created instead. While you’re there, feed me my own fluids from your fingers. Just reach up from your spot at the foot of the bed and let me taste myself. I love that.
Use your tongue and drag it up and down the entirety of my sex. Lick my ass too, if you like that kind of thing. Later on, when we’ve played around a little more, I’ll even let you use a well-lubricated finger. I know you’ll love it as feel my ass grip tight around it, the waves of orgasm surging through my pussy at the same time.
Just play with me. I can’t express that enough. Just please play with me. Play with all of me. Use your hands to explore, squeeze and grab my body, and feel free to let your mouth go wild too. Leave little bite marks on the insides of my thighs from where you get a little too carried away, and little bruises from grasping too hard. I want to know that you want me, that you really want me, that my pussy is the only thing you want to be eating. I want to know that I’m being, I’ve been, devoured by you.
When you think I’m getting close, be prepared to hold on. If you continue to use your fingers inside me, maybe even adding a second to the mix, you’ll probably make me gush as you keep lapping at my clit. And you’ll know when it’s coming because my back will arch. All of a sudden, I won’t be able to breathe. My legs will start to shake. You’ll feel a flooding in your mouth, a very positive sign that you have done a very good job. And I don’t want you to stop there either.
The bucking motion of my hips will start to slow down, and as this happens, I want you to slowly lick me clean. All the mess you just made – I want you to clean it up, softly, deliberately, carefully. I want you to enjoy it, to ensure every last drop has gone, and I want you to do it with a big beaming smile on your face. You just did that to me – the leg shaking and the hand-grasping and everything else that comes with making me cum, so you should be smiling. You have done a great job, well done!
You need to be careful though – careful and gentle. I’ll be super sensitive afterwards, and too much pressure anywhere near my pussy, but especially my clit, will drive me insane. It’ll become too much, and the only thing I can think to compare it to, is when a girl continues to suck on your cock after you’ve cum. It’s almost too much, you know?
But then I want you to hold me. I know you want to pull your pants down and get your dick sucked, but just for a moment I want you to wrap your big manly arms around me and hold me close. Because right there, in that moment, I bared my heart and soul to you. You had everything I had to offer. You had my entire body in your hands, doing the most intimate thing you can do to me, and I let you have it, all of it – the big bang. I don’t let just anyone go down there. I don’t let just anyone do that.
But yeah, that’s how you give me the best head of my life. I just hope I’ve given you enough tricks and tips that you can use to blow your partner’s mind too. Don’t forget to come back and let me know either way! 😉
Oh, and if you loved How to Give Your Girlfriend the Best Head of Her Life, you’ll probably love these too:
- Giving Better Blowjobs Version 2.0
- It’s Not That I Don’t Like Oral Sex…
- #FingerBangMe – What Happened to Fingering Anyway?