7+ years of my life in very graphic detail. Dating | sex | mental health | life blog. Frequently #NSFW 18+
Starting from the beginning:
[Oldest Posts First]
I was sat in front of my window, sun beaming in on me, blue skies ahead, writing away… Something struck me – as I gazed out the window, lost in my own little world, my mind had drifted to that day Jock and I spent in the sun on the beach. We were hungover as hell, and I’m pretty sure we’d had a fairly big drunken fight the night before, and we went to the store, grabbed picnic food, and headed to the beach. It was lovely and warm, almost…
Read MoreI can’t believe that was a year ago. My relationship with him feels like a lifetime away now – before I got super sick and met Someone New. Isn’t it funny how much can change in just twelve months?
Read MoreWhat the fuck is the universe’s problem right now? Why is it making it so much harder to get over this guy? Why, every time I think I’m finally getting somewhere, does he pop right back into my head? Why? Whhhhhhhyyyyyy?
Read MoreAnd I’m so scared. I wish you were there to hold my hand. In fact, I wish you’d been there to hold my hand through a lot of what I’ve been through over the last few months. But you weren’t. I’ll get over that one day.
Read MoreJust ignore me. I’m having a little moment to myself. Guess what, it’s Jock related again. He’s not even in my life and he’s still haunting me. Pffft. My Bestie updated my Papa’s sat-nav and he needed a bigger memory card. I had an old memory card; a bigger one, so I plugged it into my Mac and sat down to go through and clear it. I realised something. It was the memory card from my old phone. It had every photo I’d ever taken of Jock, or that he’d…
Read MoreI’m pretty sure today would have been the anniversary of Jock and I. The anniversary of when we first met on POF. The day I broke up with One Ball, and met the new love of my life, all on the same day. I didn’t realise until my TimeHop showed me the picture I’d put up on Facebook last year. I swear social media is the devil when it comes to reliving past relationships. We’d have been together two years, I think. It’s funny because I always thought we were…
Read MoreI love him. And I’m starting to wonder if this heartache will ever go away. Because right now, as pissed off and sad as he made me sometimes, it still wasn’t halfway near as bad as the pain I feel when I realise we aren’t together anymore. Like this morning when I woke up to that godamn photo that broke my heart all over again. I love him and I miss him. And I really want him back.
Read MoreI walked over to my desk, cup of tea in hand, flipped open my Mac, and typed in my password. Giving the laptop a moment to wake up, I grabbed my iPhone, unlocking it, going through the applications with notifications… We could be here for a while. Emails, Whatsapp, Facebook Messenger, Facebook, TimeHop. Fuck. It was the picture that started a world of shit last year. We went to a local historic town, walked around all day, and went for a coffee and a piece of cake in one of…
Read MoreI stalked Jock in the middle of the night and I learned something new. Did I mention I had unblocked him? Well, I did. And no, I don’t regret doing it. He’s added a few new friends recently, and there’s been a few friends we’ve had in common too. No mutual friends, but he has mutual friends with some of my friends now, and I think he may have moved closer to where I live. He may even have gotten that job he went for – the job I helped…
Read More9/10/2015: Operation Blog Catch-Up I had a dream about Jock last night. We had a baby. We were in the hospital and he was sat on the side of my bed and he had a baby in his arms – our baby. I couldn’t work out if it was a boy or a girl or anything else, I don’t remember anything else. I just remember us being sat on that bed looking down at our make-believe baby. When I woke up, all I wanted was just that. I messaged the…
Read More
