The [Fri]end.

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This isn’t the blog post I was going to post today. I was having an awesome day, being super-productive, getting shit done, formatting all those other posts I’ve got stashed away … and then BOOM. A cheeky little message to make me cry. Awesome. 

To be honest, I don’t even know why it made me start crying. Fucking outrage than anything else, I think, because I was expecting the scenario at some point. I actually thought it might have happened by now, and there were times when I thought about doing something similar, but I didn’t. I was trying to be the bigger, better person, not letting things get to me, marching on through with a stiff upper lip and other such bullshit. So much for all of that. 

“Hey, hope you’re ok. I’m about to have a Facebook friend clear out and wanted to shoot you a message before I did anything.”

Well, we already know where this is going, don’t we? Although why you’d need to send someone a message before you unfriend them is beyond me. Just get on with it. What do you want me to do, argue against it? As if. 

I’m being officially unfriended by Bestie — the BFF of 15 years plus that I led on but didn’t. This post and this post will help to clear things up, in case you’re a newbie to my car crash life. 

“Things broke down with my last GF because of my friendship with you. I didn’t exactly tell her the truth, and I wasn’t honest with my current GF about our friendship either, but now she’s found out and things have kicked off.” 

Riiiiiiight, so, let me get this straight: you LIED to your ex-girlfriend (the one that our friend already warned me was “crazy“) and your current girlfriend about your friendship with me, they found out because they went looking for more information, and now what? You’re messaging me to blame me for it and ruin my day?

Get the actual FUCK outta here.

I wasn’t even around when you broke up with your old girlfriend. I never met her, talked to her, interacted with her in any way. Or the new/current one. I didn’t even know she existed. You’re muted, so I don’t see any part of your life. Anything that happened, that was down to you and them. Not me. I kept my distance just like everyone wanted, thank you very fucking much. 

“It’s been three years and our friendship is still causing me problems and I can totally understand why all of your boyfriends had such a problem with me and our closeness.” 

Firstly, don’t bring my fucking boyfriends into this, mate. You were trying to get rid of them every single time, just waiting for your moment with me. You even admitted as such in one of our last proper conversations. I stood up for you, even when I probably shouldn’t have done, and even when it was my FAMILY talking shit about you. You were my best friend — the guy who was ALWAYS there for me without wanting anything back. That’s what I thought, and that’s why I had your back. 

But thanks for dealing with the tiniest fraction of the shit I had to deal with before throwing in the Facebook-friend-towel. 

No, seriously, thanks. You saved me a job. We both know it’s been a long time coming.

“My GF saw you on Facebook and had a look. She couldn’t see much, but what she could see was a whole load of me and you together. Obviously, it hurt her.” 

Hold up a minute here. Three and a half years ago, when you said to me, “What do I do when someone asks why I’ve never had a girlfriend and all my pics are of you?”, I told you to do what you felt was right. Delete the tags from my photos. Delete my tags from yours. I don’t care. Whatever makes your life easier … They’re just Facebook photos. It’s not like I don’t have a cloud-full of pictures of us anyway. The fact that your ex and current girlfriends are seeing old pics of you and other people [/me] on the timelines they choose to go hunting through, is literally your problem – and theirs. It sure as fuck ain’t mine. 

What’s she doing stalking my profile for anyway? And what can she possibly be upset at? I haven’t tagged you in anything, commented on anything, liked anything, or even messaged you in close to three years. We haven’t interacted with each other at all. Anything she can see on my profile is from at least three and a half years ago, and it’s not like we’re fucking snogging in those shots. We were friends. FRIENDS. We never went any further than friends, apart from a couple of times we accidentally snogged (that’s it) when we were totally jolly-rogered, and there are definitely no photos of that. What the fucking fuck is she doing getting upset about something – anything – on MY profile, from THREE+ YEARS AGO? 

Get over yourself, silly woman. I don’t want yo’ man. I never did 🙄

Unless that’s not it at all, which means whatever you did say to her was a bunch of lies. Again, that’s not exactly my problem, is it? The truth of this situation is, quite simply, this: we were great friends, you fell in love with me, I didn’t realise, we parted ways. A classic tale of unrequited love.

Why couldn’t you have just told her/them that? And what did you tell them instead for them to get SO upset about it??

“This isn’t what I wanted but I think it will work out better. You don’t seem use to FB so much these days anyway, but I didn’t want you to go looking for me and realise I’m no longer there. I’m sorry.”

Go.

Fuck. 

Yourself. 

Why — seriously, WHY — would I want to go looking for you? I haven’t been looking for you in three whole years, matey … you were muted and I don’t use Facebook, lolz. 

I did exactly what everyone wanted: I left you the fuck alone. I didn’t text you. I didn’t call you. I didn’t expect pity, sympathy, nothing. I didn’t do anything. I just left you to get on with it. You told me I was stalling your [love] life and leading you on, so I took a huge step back, moved county, and let you do your thing. What right do you seriously think you have to pop up completely out of the blue, three years later, and tell me I’m still wrecking it up for you?

I shouldn’t still be that important. 

What a passive-aggressive message, though? Literally haven’t spoken in almost three years, but sure, blow up my phone to tell me I’m ruining your relationships and you fancy culling me from your life. What’s the point in that? Seriously? Out of respect for me? I’d honestly have preferred it if you hadn’t bothered. Or was it because your girlfriend told you to? Did she read it before you sent it? Actually, don’t tell me. It doesn’t impact my life at all. Just like simply unfriending me wouldn’t have impacted my life at all. You were muted, I probably wouldn’t have even realised. And even if I had, I’d have just shrugged it off. I wouldn’t have messaged and asked you about it. Maybe I’d have cried a tear or two for the friendship that I once loved, because I did love it. There were some great times in there; I can’t just shrug those off because we hurt each other at the end. I’m not that bitter that I don’t realise it was just another phase in my life that’s over. Another finished chapter. Just like another ill-suited boyfriend. Except yours hurt me more, because you weren’t just another ill-suited boyfriend. 

But your message? Yeah, that impacted me. Well done. That passive-aggressive go-fuck-yourself-but-not-really-though message successfully passed over whatever animosity was clearly still left over from your fight with your girlfriend. Thanks for that. 

Three sodding years of no contact later and I’m STILL getting blamed for your failing love life. Pfffft.

****

In case you’re wondering how I responded to his wanky, passive-aggressive message, I said this: 

“No worries! Hope it all works out!” 

And then I rushed over to his Facebook page to unfriend him first, and the rest of his crew. Why? Because I’m petty as fuck and I felt attacked, okay? I wanted to block him, but he’s not that important now. He hasn’t been for a long time. I certainly don’t want him (or her/them) thinking that he is. 

For the record, if anyone ever fancies unfriending or unfollowing me in the future, please just do it. Don’t tell me about it. There’s no need to make a big song and dance about it, or message me first. I really, truly, honestly don’t give that much of a shit. Ta! 

xo

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