Dating Advice 

Don’t Be A Crazy Girl

There’s a crazy girl in my house. I’m sure of it. And for once, no it’s not me.

Remember I spoke AGES ago about The Lethario I live with? He always had a string of ladies around and I wasn’t entirely sure how he managed it? Well for the last few months, things have been pretty quiet. He’s found a girl who he quite likes, and since she’s been around, there’s been fewer ‘other women.’ For once, this guy might just be keeping it in his pants.

Karma doing it’s thing as it always does, this girl won’t commit to him. He can ‘do whatever he likes’, while she does the same thing, and while he’s panting for the boyfriend/girlfriend status, she’s keeping it breezy, not wanting to brand them a couple.


He was at work the other day, and Bestie and I were chilling, playing Xbox and getting high like all good stoners do on their days off. Someone knocked on the door. We ignored it – we always do. No one comes to the door for us anyway, and we’re getting a little tired of letting in other people’s girlfriends / boyfriends / drug dealers. It was a persistent knock – for about ten minutes or so, I would say. Peeking as carefully as I could, I saw The Lethario’s girlfriend head back down our front steps and run down the road.

Half an hour or so later, Bestie went to the shop for munch food (standard), and on his return, the girlfriend ran up the road and slipped in the front door behind him. “Sorry, just me,” she smiled, pottering up the stairs. Assuming she had a key to The Lethario’s room, Bestie left her to it.

Well, she didn’t have a key. She sat outside his door for probably around twenty to thirty minutes before leaving. How bizarre? Cornering The Lethario when he got home from work, I asked him about the incident, and asked what we should do in future. We all know how complicated he likes to keep his love life, and I’ve already covered for him once when the ex-girlfriend found another girl’s underwear in his room. Yes, of course they were mine, three sizes too small. Silly woman. She learned her lesson and left him in the end. I guess we women do learn eventually. I didn’t want to let a girlfriend in that shouldn’t have been there, and risk starting a fight though. We’ve heard them fighting enough over the last few weeks. That’s all they seem to do. Young love. Pffft.

The next day, I woke up and went to open the back door. The key had gone…. And the door had been left unlocked. What the fuck? I asked Bestie if he’d taken it. Nope. What about the other guy we live with, or his girlfriend? Nope. I asked The Lethario. He hadn’t taken it either. Well, that just left one person, didn’t it? His girlfriend.

He refused to believe it, of course. He called her in front of me, she said no, and he believed her. I guess guys really can be as dumb as girls. She’d already sneakily gained access to the house without his knowledge, using my Bestie as a get-in. What about that nuts behaviour made him think she WOULDN’T steal a key to get back in? Or even make a copy? He’s agreed to pay for half of the cost of a new lock, cheeky fuck. His crazy girlfriend is the reason we need to change the locks in the first place. Yet she’s still protesting she didn’t take that key.

You see ladies, even if you don’t think your boyfriend is judging you for your crazy behaviour, even when you think you might have just gotten away with it, you haven’t. There will always be someone judging what you do, or the actions you take, even if you don’t think there are. I will never trust that girl now. I know what crazy girls are like. I was one of them for long enough. But you need to learn to mellow that shit out – all those crazy thoughts you have in your head. The crazy thoughts of stealing someone’s back door key. It doesn’t make sense to me why she would do that, especially seeing as we all have locks on our bedroom doors too, but there is no other rational explanation for where that key has gone. It’s ridiculous. A year, that key has been in exactly the same place. They start arguing, she starts sneaking in, and shit goes missing.


Listen – don’t be a crazy girl. We older crazy girls – we see you with your young crazy girl behaviour. There’s no need for it. I can give you all the information you need to know right here – he’s not going to change yet. He can barely cook himself dinner, what makes you think he’s capable, or even trainable, of / for a full-time, grown up relationship? Not committing to him is a good idea. Running a hundred miles away from him is even better. He’s still sleeping with other women. He’s still flirting with other women. You wanted a bad guy so you got yourself one. Why are you confused he’s behaving the way he is? You’ve put him in that bracket. You wanted him to act like that, that’s why he’s doing it.

Crazy girl behaviour isn’t attractive, even when you think you have a viable reason for it. And even you were right – if that hunch or rumour were true, there’s a good chance that a man like The Lethario is going to be one step ahead of you anyway. Cheating scumbags like him always are, and I can never quite work out how or why. But he’ll make you believe this was all in your head, that you made all these suspicions up, and before you know it, two years down the line, you’re walking in on him balls deep in a other chick.

So there’s two pieces of advice for you – don’t be a crazy girl, and always trust your female intuition. Just don’t trust it enough to steal his back door key.

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