I’ve made plans to see One Ball this weekend, which means going on a journey that takes me two-to-three hours away from where I live. My plans include a whole load of nakedness, bucketloads of kinky fuckery, and that’s pretty much it. Snacks, a few drinks, but mostly kinky fuckery.
However, I think Mother Nature might have other plans for me because she’s a real bitch. I think she’s going to make me get my period. FFS.
I should’ve known it was coming soon, to be fair. I was an emotional wreck. I cried about Big Love for three days, for no reason. I had that dull ache in my abdomen for a couple of days, but I’ve recently changed my pill and I just kinda assumed that the random cramps, spotting, and weird mood swings were just a result of that. Being on the pill gives me the advantage of knowing just when my period is going to come … usually. But when I went to the bathroom this morning and spotted that telltale splash of red in my underwear, I was totally unprepared for it. It’s early, but that’s one of the joys (not) of this new pill: it’s making me bleed randomly, without warning, with two almost-full periods a month, in some cases.
Fuck you, Mother Nature.
So, I took a stand. I took two of my birth control pills today, I’ll take two tomorrow, and hopefully, by the time the weekend comes around, my period will have stopped, leaving me free to enjoy the kinky fuckery I’ve planned. My hormones might be totally up the creek, but at least I’ll still be getting laid.
If One Ball and I had been in a long-term relationship, I’d probably just have had sex with him on my period anyway. If he wanted to, obviously. But I don’t feel like it’s the kind of thing that I can do with someone I’ve only been dating for a few months. I honestly have absolutely no idea what his thoughts are on it, because we’ve never really discussed it before, but it kinda gives me the ick. It’s messy, I don’t think it’s particularly pleasant to see (I’m not great with blood generally), and although I’m horny as hell when I’m on my period, I don’t feel all that sexy. I feel bloated, achy, crampy, spotty, sweaty, and grumbly. Who would even want to fuck me?
But he’s not even seen me with my makeup properly off yet. And I haven’t let him feel me with stubbly legs yet. And we’ve not really crossed the boundary from newly-dating into coupledom just yet. I put period sex in the same bracket as those things – stubbly legs and no makeup. They’re reserved for boys that last a bit longer than just a couple of shags, you know? It’s a ‘me’ thing. Those things make me feel good and ready to battle the world. With stubbly legs, no makeup, and my period well and truly in process, I don’t feel like I can even make it out of bed, let alone anywhere else.
I almost can’t wait for the menopause, to be honest. I’m fairly certain I don’t want kids, and tampons/sanitary ‘equipment’ is just expensive after a while. I started my periods when I was 12 or 13. Do you know how much I’ve spent in tampons in that time? For a tiny piece of cotton wool, wrapped up into a fluffy little bullet, for me to shove right up inside my vagina because Mother Nature dictates I should have children one day. And Ibuprofen for the period pains? And the COUNTLESS hot water bottles I’ve had to buy? How are condoms free from family planning places but tampons and sanitary products are not? And how come men just have condoms but women have all these contraception options with a shit ton of side effects? It’s a joke … but not a funny one.
For now, I’ll still with my pill-plan to hopefully get the period stopped until a time that is more convenient for me. I’m not travelling all that way just for a fucking cuddle.
Wouldn’t it be great if having kids was like a check-box form that you filled in at the end of high school? Do you want children one day: yes/no? Tick yes and you’ll have a fist clenching your insides for one whole week of the month – and probably longer – while dispelling clumpy bloody from between your legs, until the day that you do actually get pregnant and then … well, that just all sound like a bunch of non-fun to me. If you tick no, though, you’ll be in for a life of fun, frivolity, and passionate sex with no worries of coming on your period halfway through, plus a much happier, less-hormonal disposition. It totally makes sense to me. Bring me that check-box form.
But anyway, what are your views on having sex on your period?
Yay or nay?