Category: Baby

  Trigger Warning: Discussing self-harm.  If I could wish for anything in the world, it would probably be to rid my body of all the hair I didn’t want, permanently. I’m so over shaving my legs now. I’m dying for winter to come again, just so I don’t need to shave my legs as much. Hey, I’m in a long-term relationship now. It’s cool to let that slide. It’s one of the many reasons I love Bear and this relationship. He absolutely loves the fuzz. My summer dresses, on the…

Read More

  4 days late. 4 fucking days late. I still haven’t told Bear. I still haven’t picked up a pregnancy test. I still don’t know what’s going on. My period is 4 days late now. 3 days late is explainable. 4 days late? Well, that just sounds a little … something. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I’ve had no choice. My mind is totally and utterly consumed by all things baby right now. I might not be talking about it to anyone, but I’m certainly researching everything there…

Read More

  I still haven’t done a pregnancy test. I also haven’t alerted Bear as to the situation either. Why? Because he has been a knob the past few days. We’re still in the medication-figuring-out phase of life, which makes the timing of all this just fucking brilliant. But there lies the problem; the timing is never right. It will never be right. I’m waiting for this perfect moment that may or may not exist. A “Let’s have a baby!” moment that you’re meant to have with your significant other. Well,…

Read More

  “Don’t forget to log your cycle!”    My period tracking app nudged me this morning. How could I have forgotten? After the little flurry of excitement after the whole spotting incident, you’d think I’d be counting down the days until my period was due with a calendar and big red marker. Hilariously, I forgot. Until today. My period — late for 1 day. I had spotting, potentially explained by implantation bleeding, two weeks ago. Now, my period is 1 day late. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. “You wanted this,…

Read More

Part 1: Baby, Baby, Baby (Six Months Ago) Part 2: Baby, Baby, Baby (Four Months Ago) Part 3: Baby, Baby, Baby (One Month Ago)   Bear bought a lottery ticket today. He does that sometimes and I never know why. It just seems like a pointless waste of money to me. But, then again, I’m the kind of girl who gets an actual little flurry of excitement in the pit of her stomach when she buys a £1 scratch card, just because it’s so damn exciting. I should probably get a…

Read More

Part 1: Baby, Baby, Baby (Six Months Ago) Part 2: Baby, Baby, Baby (Four Months Ago)   Right, this is pissing me off now. I haven’t solved the baby problem by writing things down at all. In fact, I think I may have made the situation much worse, and much more complicated too. When we got the all-clear for dementia, we discussed things. We know that he has a mental health condition that affects our lives — his, mine, his son’s — but if it wasn’t dementia, it meant it…

Read More

Following on from Baby, Baby, Baby:   Four months ago: I’m not entirely sure I’ll ever be in the right kind of place to just say, “Let’s make a baby.” I know I want one. I think Bear will be a great father. In fact, I know he’s a great father because I see it every day. And he doesn’t just dote on his kids (the ones that do talk to him); he dotes on me too. There’s nothing he won’t do for me. Our problems aside, this is the…

Read More

  Do you remember the wedding I didn’t go to last year, because of the whole Bestie drama? Well, she’s pregnant. The Facebook announcement came and went, and so did the gender announcement too. I’m deliriously happy for them. I really am. I don’t like him, but I have nothing against her at all. She’s just not my kinda person, y’know? She’s a square and I’m a circle. We just don’t fit. They’re a decent couple though, something I can happily admit now I’m slightly over the hump of bitterness.…

Read More