Over the years I’ve come to realise some stuff. Firstly, I’m a real judgemental bitch and secondly, I’m shallower than I thought I was. Let me explain.
I decided to download Tinder again because I want to find myself a boyfriend, a real one, a sensible one who doesn’t have issues. OK that’s probably asking for a lot but I’d settle for someone who had a few issues which didn’t disrupt our relationship too much. Surely that’s not asking too much? But I downloaded the app again and prepared to start swiping. It wasn’t long before I had some matches, a few actually messaged me, none I liked enough to message first, but then up popped a man who caught my eye and message first he did!
Just my type – older (45), greying, not too thin and not too fat, tall, funny, probably a sociopath, never married, no kids, looks super cute in a tux. Well mister, you’re off to a flying start. Chit-chat, a little bit of gentle flirting then boom. What do you do for a living?
“I’m a courier.”
Ugh. Really? A courier? At 45 years old?
Wait for it, before you start ranting, let me explain. Read the whole blog post before you start keyboard-warrioring on about how much of a superficial and shallow bitch I am.
This man has no kids, no ex-wife and seemingly, no responsibilities. How can he be just a courier? Surly at his age, middle-aged almost, he’d have his life sorted a little more than that? And if he hasn’t, my alarm bells are already ringing. Why hasn’t he got his life a little more sorted than that?
Let’s go from some past experience. Jock was older. He was just a recovery truck driver. I say just, I know experience is necessary for that kinda work but for him, it was just another job he fell into by mistake. He had no plan, no life goals, he didn’t even really know what he wanted to do with his life. That meant he lived pay check to pay check, never really staying in one place long enough to progress any further, even quitting the military lifestyle when shit got a little tough. He was an adult man-child. He had no kids (apart from the one step-kid but I would hardly call her his responsibility), and no ex-wife. Just a life filled with bad choices. Bad choices it would appear he’s still making. But I’ll talk about that later.
I might not have my life in check but I can tell you this, I know I wasn’t going to be happy as just another sales girl. I left that life behind. A sexist life where men really do get promoted over women every time, and I was constantly overlooked for everything. That’s not an exaggeration, it was admitted to me by managers. Plural. But I wanted more from my life, more than being told what to do by some shitty little boss who fell into his job by mistake and definitely didn’t have the skills or experience required for the position. The guy could barely tell his ass from his elbow. So what did I do? I took a leap of faith. I quit. I made the decision to do the job I always wanted and you know what? I’ve got it. I’m doing the job I always wanted. I have drive. I have goals. I’m ticking off those boxes, I’m watching myself do it. How can you be happy to just be a courier? At 45 years old? I’m not even thirty yet and I couldn’t still live that life. I didn’t enjoy it.
As we talked, he didn’t talk about being a courier in a way that I talk about the job I do. I talk about my job with passion, like I love it, because I do. He didn’t. He’s “just” a courier. That’s it, nothing fancy, nothing exciting, he’s just a courier.
I’m not really the kind of girl who gives a shit about what her fella does for a living. As long as he’s not a benefit bum, I couldn’t give two hoots what he does. He could be a bin-man for all I cared, apparently they earn loads of money. But if you’re 16 years older than I am and you have zero responsibilities, no kids, nothing to take care of, why are you just a courier? Are you happy just plodding along? Because if that’s the case, we’re not compatible. I’m not really the kind of girl who just plods along. I’ll always want more and normally, when I set out to get it, I get it. I get what I want but not because a man can provide it for me, because I can provide it for myself. If I want nice shoes, I’ll buy them. If I want a nice dress, I’ll buy it. If I want a nice pair of earrings, yep, I’ll buy those too. I don’t have kids or responsibilities but I’m not just a courier. I didn’t find my job because I fell into it by accident, I made it happen. Could I really be with someone who didn’t have the same drive? Or understanding of that drive?
Brown Eyes always told me he loved the passion I had for my job but when it came down to it and my deadlines, he just couldn’t handle his shit. Fights erupted. Jock was the same – he loved the way I was passionate about what I wanted to do but when I was late because of a deadline or rearranged our time together, he also lost his shit. Big Love was the same too. He loved the money I brought to the table but hated the hours I needed to put in to get it. We argued for hours on end, night after night after night because of the hours I had to work. He never once moaned about the money though. He was quick enough taking that from me.
I guess I have learned something over the years. I’m not just superficial and judgemental but somewhat smarter too. Somewhat wiser. I know I couldn’t be with a man who was just a courier at the age of 45 and happy about it. I couldn’t be with someone who just wanted to plod along, happy to earn whatever it was he earned and never strive for anything more. I want to have a family someday, and a nice house with nice cars and nice holidays. That stuff doesn’t happen when you just plod along, you need to make it happen. I find a man who doesn’t want the same thing very off-putting. It’s a turn-off.
Hey, I guess #TurnoffTuesday is back!