Comparing Lovers…?
I came across an interesting post by Life of a Lover Girl [no longer available] that discussed the idea of comparing lovers. Do we do it? All of us? Do you? Or do you try not to?
I think the answer is, yes. Deep down, I think we’re all comparing our lovers. The ones in our past, the ones in our present, and the ones that might come up in our future. I’m terrible for it while I’m going through a breakup. I will compare every new lover I have to the one I left behind, such as with Big Love. I’m still comparing people to how he was in bed. As yet, I don’t think anyone stands out. Maybe he set an unattainably high goal for me?
I wouldn’t admit to any of the men I’m sleeping with [/slept with] that I’m comparing them, though. I definitely agree with Life of a Lover Girl in that respect. I recently had to tell The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of that I was dating someone new – One Ball. We didn’t exactly part on the best of terms, so I didn’t actually think he had a right to know that, but he was starting to text me stuff like, “I really miss you”. I figured it was something I should nip in the bud nice n’ early. You know, before he gets too invested and then I can’t get rid of him again.
At first, he took it quite well. But then he started asking me all of these really weird questions:
Is he as good as me in bed?
Have you told him to say ‘stop’ yet?
I bet his cock isn’t as big as mine.
Does he know how much you love your neck being kissed?
I bet you’re bored in bed with him already. Don’t forget, I know what you like. I know not that many men will give it to you.
It would have been so easy for me to tell him that One Ball was actually dynamite in bed and I was loving every minute of it, but I didn’t want to participate in the dick-swinging game. I don’t want The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of to know anything about my sex life with my new man, let alone whether I’m satisfied. He doesn’t have a right to that kinda information, and part of me would only be saying that out of anger. I think One Ball is decent in bed, yes, but he’s not my perfect lover. I don’t think I’ve found that person yet, but whether or not it is One Ball, it certainly *isn’t* The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of.
The next day, when he was still texting me and asking me inappropriate questions about my new relationship, I thought about telling him – honestly – what I really thought about his kissing technique … and exactly how much I hated it. I thought about sending him text after text after text about how he just couldn’t compare to some of my other lovers: My Mr. Grey, Big Love, even One Ball. That his dick wasn’t actually as big as he thought it was, and that I’d had bigger [The Fireman]. It took everything in me not to react to his messages. That’s what he wants, isn’t it? A reaction? Well, fuck him, he ain’t getting it. No way. I’m too classy to openly admit to comparing my conquests to some guy I USED TO fuck.
It did make me wonder a bit, though … How would I be judged in bed? How would my lovers compare me to their exes? Favourably? I like to think that I’m the girl who gives amazing blowjobs, as that’s what a few of them have told me, but I still can’t make One Ball come in my mouth. I can’t tell you how defeated it makes me feel. That’s one of my favourite things to do and I can’t do it … Waaaah.
But am I the girl who gives amazing blowjobs? Can I kiss? Or are mine just as bad as what I think The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of’s are? I used to think that I was the girl who did things that the “nice girls” wouldn’t in bed, but after starting this blog and reading a few others, I’m starting to realise that we’re all probably a bit kinky in our own ways. I am self-conscious in bed, but less so than I used to be when I was a bigger size. I struggle on top sometimes, but that’s because I get really carried away and then my legs start hurting or I worry about what I look like and lose rhythm or whatever … but I’m sure I make up for that in other ways, and it’s not like I don’t do it at all. It’s just not a long-time position for me, you know?
Anyway, I’m going to trap my paranoid self away before she wrecks my life.
What do you think? Do you compare lovers?
How do you think *you* compare??
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Hahahaha…. I’m sure I’ve told more than one guy that they were the “best ever”, but in my defense it FELT like it at the time or I wouldn’t have said so. 😉 I’ve had guys tell me I’m great in bed too but I sometimes wonder WHY. I mean, I’m really pretty submissive in the sack so I don’t DO a whole lot.
Still the Professor says the chemistry is some of the best he’s ever had (which is how I feel about him as well) and the Married Guy that was the best sex of my life acted pretty impressed with me too. Granted, if a guy is doing a really good job on ME, I want to make him super happy and will give my best blow jobs. Ditto if I just really like him a lot. When its a guy I just met and he’s NOT so hot in the sack I don’t have the same motivation to please.
Everyone has a different idea what they like in bed too. Its not just women that are complicated. I’ve found men to have totally different wants regarding blow jobs. One of mine, for example, won’t let me near his balls and jumps if my tongue even touches them and another wants me to be kind of rough and put a whole ball in my mouth and suck and pull on it, lol.
I heard a woman once say that she puts a condom on with her mouth!! I don’t know any tricks like that, haha. I honestly wonder what makes some men think I’m so great, but I’m glad they do. Since I’ve found that I orgasm a lot more easier when I don’t try to focus so much on pleasing HIM, then I feel I’ve become a bit more selfish in bed, but it helps me orgasm more and guys LOVE that, so IDK.
I guess it’s each man, or woman, for themselves Hahaha! I’ve been known to lie and say they were the best even though they aren’t…. It’s a heat of the moment thing. You can hardly turn around and say they were shite although I’ve wanted to on more than one occasion lol!
I always assume all lovers compare all lovers to all lovers. As soon as my wife said she slept with someone else, my first question was ‘How big was he’? I figured she only wanted someone else because I wasn’t good enough/long enough/hard enough.
Sex comes with some amount of stress. I feel like Woody Allen in bed. ‘Does she really like this or is she screaming her head off just to be polite?” “Has she cum yet? Can I cum yet? If she already came and I haven’t cum yet…is she expecting to cum again?” “Why is she stimulating herself during sex?” “Is she having trouble getting there? Am I hitting the wrong spots?”
I also think you should tell Guy you can’t get rid of ‘it’s none of your business, it’s better simply because it’s NOT with you’, and then STOP talking to someone so co-dependent, needy, and spiteful. You don’t need more toxic people in your life!
I always love your comments. Wow! I guess I never really thought about it from the guys perspective. You guys have it rough too eh? I told the guy I couldn’t get rid of that I had no place for him in my life. I’m hoping he’ll take the Damn hint this time…..
How you’re compared depends partly on how the previous relationship ended and, how satisfied your previous lover was. I’ve had very few bad lovers so I consider myself lucky. Whether or not you’re a bad partner remains to be seen so, come by and we’ll compare notes. Haha
Hahaha sounds like a good deal! I’ve had my fair share of bad lovers so you’d best be good 😉