The Fireman
Number: 2
Length: 2 years
If I had to describe this relationship in three (ish) words, I would say: kinky, shocking, and serious.
Number 5: The Fireman
I was young and dumb when I met Number 5, The Fireman. He was young and dumb too, but somehow, I always looked even younger and dumber compared to him. He both intrigued and intimidated me from the first moment we met, full of ideas and plans to “take over the world.”
Fuck Me on The Pool Table
An idea lit up in my head like the metaphorical lightbulb moment, and I think it entered his head at exactly the same time. Slowly, almost in slow motion, we turned to look at each other. “Fuck me on the pool table,” I whispered. “Then fuck me on the fire engine.” He willingly obliged. Well, half of it, anyway.
That Grey Tie
The Fireman and I had been to a themed party, dressed in our fanciest gear. I’d worn the prettiest, floatiest dress and the highest espadrilles I owned. He’d worn a very smart suit with that grey tie that I couldn’t take my eyes off – long before Christian Grey made it a thing.
That Time I Cheated
I try not to have regrets, but one of the biggest regrets of my life is that time I cheated on The Fireman. It was a terrible move, done for reasons I can’t explain, and it started the downfall of a relationship that I actually wanted to last forever. Soundtrack: Poison - Alice Cooper. How It Started Fireman and I been together for around eight…
I Just Took It
A few nights after The Fireman found out that I’d cheated on him with Goth Boy, he arrived on my doorstep in the middle of the night, drunk out of his mind. He almost woke up the whole street as he banged on the door and yelled at the top of his lungs. One of the neighbours called the police on him, and he eventually…
That Time His Mum Walked In
The Fireman and I had planned a naughty night in. We were going to have the house to ourselves for the first time in a while, you see, and we wanted to make the absolute most of it. We thought we had everything covered… and we did… until his mum walked in.
Little Lace Thong
Relaxing back into the bed I pondered the new sensation. The more he stuffed inside me, the more aroused I became, and I almost lost my mind when he gently sucked my clit into his mouth. It was almost too multi-sensory – his mouth on my clit, my lace thong inside me, his hands gripping my thighs so hard that I was sure I’d find…
Sex Fail: That Time I Tried to Pee on My Boyfriend
“How are we going to do this? Shall I… squat on you?” I could barely get the words out; I was laughing so hard. As kinks go, it was proving to be more fucking hilarious than sexy, but we hadn’t gotten to the main attraction yet. It’s time for us to talk about that time I tried to pee on my boyfriend…
That White Corset
I slipped behind the curtain of the changing room, holding the white corset like it was the most precious thing in the world. It took me a while to get to grips with the hook-and-eye fastenings that ran down the front, and once I’d done it up, I could barely breathe, but… wow. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and barely recognised…
That Fucking Pager
I think that fucking pager was a novelty at first. Look at my boyfriend, he’s such an important man – a HERO! My heart would race whenever it went off, and I’d do the jobs that he’d reserved for me: trainers by the front door, keys on the couch, can of Red Bull next to them. It was a ritual that we become accustomed to,…
The Foursome That Wasn’t (Numbers 6 & 7)
Once upon a time, The Fireman and I went through a period of constant arguments and breaking ups, so we decided, in true sensible style, to solve that problem by… having the foursome that wasn’t. I mean, it wasn’t a planned thing or anything like that, and, technically, it never actually happened. Maybe I should start at the beginning?
Midnight Picnic
I didn’t know it then, but it was the beginning of the long, argumentative, and nasty end. Silly little me, though? I was convinced that we could be saved. So, I invited The Fireman on a midnight picnic, packed with all of his favourite snacks, with the intention of straightening everything out.
A Breakup/A Make Up
The moment it was all over between Sailor Boy and I, was when he was lying in my bed, during a weekend off, properly hungover, and groaning like he was dying. It was a complete bolt out of the blue. Suddenly, I just wasn’t attracted to him. It was time for a breakup… again.
Running Back
Of course I was going to run back to him. For years to come, I would ran back to him many, many times over. We fucked and loved just as hard as we hated… and we hated horribly...
A Disastrous Introduction
Things were utterly glorious between The Fireman and I once we’d reconciled. We both made such an effort. It was the best our relationship had been since the start. I was so damn happy. But then, there was a disastrous introduction…
Halloween Erotica: Slutty Vampire
This Halloween erotica story is a true one, featuring a slutty vampire, an ex-boyfriend, a potential new lover, and a bathroom window – not necessarily in that order. Shall I get right to it...?