The Answer Is Go Fuck Yourself

My love life is going great. I’m happily coupled up with Brown Eyes who’s come along and swept me off my feet just like I’d always asked for, hoped for, wished for. We all know what’s going to happen next don’t we? It just has to go wrong. Of course it does. That’s how life goes.

There’s nothing wrong with us, of course. We’re sailing along just fine. He loves me, I’m still figuring the L-word out, nothing to worry about. But the other night, sat in my bed chatting away to my adorable Brown Eyes and who should text me? The Director. Oh yes, that prick. And just in case you weren’t up to date with The Director Saga, let me fill you in.

We dated, I slept with him on the first date, always great sex but I felt like there were other women in his life, he said there wasn’t and then demanded exclusivity. He starts to become distant again and I call it off. He changes my mind, we sleep together, decide we were too hot-headed and start again. I still feel like I’m a second option, and I also start to feel he’s taking the piss out of my business assistance. I call it off again, he gets pissed off because he has “genuine feelings” for me, I ignore him. A few weeks later, he messages me for more work assistance, I go to his, we get drunk and sleep together. I ask him for a third crack at us, he ignores the question (still trying to sleep with me) and then changes his profile picture to one of him and a hottie, got matching tattoos with her, and confirmed my concerns – I was never the only girl in his life.

Got that? 

That’s the back story and now he’s sending me Whatsapp messages at midnight on a Tuesday night. Why? What does he want? I know I’m overreacting here but seriously, what does he want?

He can’t be stupid enough to ask for more business assistance surely? Not even he could be that dumb. I ignored the last three messages he sent about work, and I told him I had no time for him or his business. I made that very clear. I couldn’t separate business and pleasure as far as he was concerned so he’d have it all or nothing, he chose nothing. That was his call.

Moving on from that, I thought I’d blocked him. I should have. I decided to stalk him after his message so in full-blown crazy-girl mode, I signed out of my Facebook account because he’s definitely blocked on that, and signed in with my grandfather’s account instead. What’s the point in being his ‘technology girl’ if I can’t abuse the special privileges of using his social accounts to stalk the people I’ve blocked?

The Director’s profile picture still shows him and his hottie so they can’t have broken up.  He’s still liking her pictures and she’s still liking his, up until 21 hours ago. Her profile picture is no longer the two of them (or that poxy matching tattoo), it’s now just her on her own. But they’re probably still together. I stalk his business page. That’s when I get really mad. Really super duper mad. Hopping mad.

All the ideas I’d presented to him, all the things I’d hastily scribbled down, the recommendations I gave for his business, the ones he’d laughed at and told me would never work… Well he’s used them. Almost every single one of them. I scrolled through the page and saw graphics I’d pencil-drawn a rough mockup of on his note pad, as well as sideline business ideas that he’d totally disregarded before. New launch of this… My idea. New launch of that… My idea. That design, that wording, that layout… All my fucking idea. Ideas he told me wouldn’t work. He made me feel stupid. He never ever took me seriously. And now he’s using all of my fucking ideas.

What an absolute fucking cunt.

This pisses me off more than learning he was dicking around, I’ll be honest. I KNEW my ideas were good ideas and that’s half the reason why I also knew it would never work out with us. He never took me seriously. I was just the little colourful chick who ate his ass and sucked his dick. Just a pretty fucking flower.

He hasn’t been online since. He hasn’t read my response, he hasn’t even been on Whatsapp at all. Why did I message him back? Why? Whyyyyyy? Why do I even care? He’s an asshole. He’s just an asshole I should have ignored. Grrrrrrr! Plus I have Brown Eyes and he always takes me seriously. ALWAYS!

It’s so fucking typical isn’t it? I find happiness with someone pretty fucking fabulous and all the assholes I thought I gave a shit about come crawling out from under their dirty little rocks. Well, you can just crawl right back under your rock, Director. I’m not falling for your bullshit again.

Whatever it is you want, the answer is no.

In fact, the answer is go fuck yourself.