Smitten

I’m fucked. Proper fucked. I have definitely fallen for One Ball. Do you want to know when I first realised it? I was at work and I missed his call, and that was the moment. I’d missed him. Because of his military job and what he was doing (training exercise), there were only brief periods of the day where we were both free to talk, and I missed his call. I tried to call him back, but by the time I finally got a moment free at work, and he answered, we could only talk for a couple of minutes. It was most definitely not enough talking time.

By the time I get home from work, he’s been awake for so long that he’s thinking about tucking himself into his sleeping bag, and that’s when he’s not taking part in the actual exercise itself. He gets up so early in the morning, I’m barely even asleep.

I’m showing all the symptoms of falling for him. I’m checking my phone every five minutes, and when he was last online. I run straight to my phone when it beeps, hoping it’s his name I see and being sorely disappointed when it isn’t. I’ve started cancelling plans for around the time I know he’l be free to talk to me. I think I’ve got it bad. Baaaaaaad.

He’s off exercise and free next weekend, so we’ve made plans for me to go to his military base for the weekend. I begged, borrowed, and bribed my work colleagues to cover my shifts, and I can’t tell you how excited I am to see him and spend two whole days with him. I’m not looking forward to the journey, obviously. We all know that I’m going to get lost/have a panic attack/end up in the wrong place/some other travel-related drama, because that kinda shit always happens to me. But I’m hoping it’ll be worth it. I’m hoping so hard, I’m taking two lots of my birth control pill to make DAMN SURE that my period doesn’t come and ruin any plans for a full weekend of fucking. That’s a very long way to travel to NOT get laid, that’s all I’m saying.

I can barely contain myself, I’m so excited about my little weekend adventure. I haven’t gone travelling in such a long time, and it’s been so long since I had a little adventure. I’m also really looking forward to spending some time with him, and I don’t just mean between the sheets. I’ve basically packed my weekend bag already, new lingerie and toys purchased specifically for the occasion thrown in the bag, and I decided to pop in my love eggs before I leave the house … just to make the train journey that little bit more torturous. You know, because I’m a fucking masochist and all. (But not really, though.)

My personal wax has been booked. I’m usually an all-off kinda girl, but I think he likes a little landing strip so maybe I’ll give that a go. I must have it pretty bad if I’m considering having actual pubic hair for the first time in twelve years for him, right?

It’s been 71 days since our first date. We talked for a little while on the dating app, and then via text message, but we haven’t actually known each for a very long time. But I think I’m falling for him. In fact, I know I am. I’m not at the I-love-you stage yet, but we’re not far off, folks. I can’t stop thinking about him, and I’m pretty sure I have a goofy smile on my face when I do.

Two and a half months … is that too soon to be thinking about the L-word? Is it wrong for me to have these very real and serious feelings for him already? I was with The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of for five months or so and never felt like this, but that means this is definitely a real thing, right?

Answer me this, then: why does falling in love with him feel like a dangerous adventure? Why is my gut telling me to head into this with cautious footing? Why am I still not quite sure? What’s stopping me?

I’m in trouble again, I think.

𝕊𝕚𝕩𝕡𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕖 𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕖

🥞 D R I P P I N G 🥞 Started my Sunday off t

• A S H E S • I turned my Grandparents into a

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