21 Signs You’re Dating the Wrong Person
Ah, dating. That delightful pastime where you take a stranger’s hand, peer into their soul, and hope they don’t end up shagging your best mate, swindling you out of thousands of pounds, or chewing so loudly that you genuinely think about throwing them out the window. It’s time, friends, to take a delve into the glaringly big signs you’re dating the wrong person… even if they’re not quite as glaring to you.
21 Signs You’re Dating the Wrong Person
Picture the scene: you’re sat at yet another dinner table, eating another takeout meal, making award conversation, then amidst the silence and awkwardness, it dawns on you: maybe they’re the wrong person for you?
Think of this as your emotional sat-nav, gently whispering, “Make a U-turn when possible.”
So, buckle up and grab a cuppa, because here are 21 tell-tale signs you’re dating the wrong person (and should probably end it.)
1: Differing life goals
If one of you wants a family but the other one doesn’t, one half of your relationship is going to end up broken-hearted, unless you can come to a compromise… which is virtually impossible in this specific scenario.
Marriage, starting a family, how close you both want to live to your parents, off-limits towns for living in – they’re all super important questions that have the potential to shatter your love story, further down the line.
Take me and my ex-husband as a classic example: he wanted kids, I didn’t, and we didn’t once think to have the conversation before we said, “I do.”
So, yeah. It’s probably best if you check those life goals, dreams, and aspirations before you go too far down the yellow brick road.
2: “All of my exes are crazy!”
Really? All of them? That’s a little crazy in itself, don’t you think?
Anyone that says that to you, can’t take accountability for their own actions, will more than likely blame you for everything that goes wrong in your relationship, and will turn you into the crazy ex when the inevitable breakup happens.
What people usually mean when they say things like this is, they weren’t able to control, manipulate, or otherwise dictate those exes. Rather than being sensible human beings who won’t put up with that shit, they are, of course, “crazy.”
Are you ready to be the crazy ex? You’re probably about to come their next one.
3: A sense of awkwardness at all times
Someone New was a fantastic man, with a good job, his own house, all his own teeth, and no glaring red flags… which is probably why he wasn’t the right guy for me. It took me a while to figure that out, but there was always a sense of awkwardness between us, even after several months of dating.
You know the feeling when you try to zip your jacket up, but the zipper hasn’t connected properly, so it’s just sliding up and down without closing? That’s what it felt like, and it’s how I knew that we weren’t right for each other. That feeling never went away, not even after nine or ten months.
Constant disconnection and awkwardness are surefire signs, in my humble (but experienced) opinion, that you’re dating the wrong person.
4: Zero support
A partner is meant to big you up, give you hope, and be your biggest supporter. Yeah, tough love is a thing, too – and honesty is always the best policy…
…but if they don’t support you, ever, in anything you do, you’ve found yourself a bad egg that is likely rooting for your demise than they are your success. That’s just gross.
Get rid of them. Once again, you deserve so much better. Everyone deserves to be and feel supported.
5: Different communication styles
If one of you wants a lot of digital communication but the other prefers less texting during the day, preferring to chat on the phone, at the end of the day, you’re both going to have to compromise.
If you don’t compromise, those differing communication styles will be the thing that rips you apart. Trust me on that; I’ve been there more times than I care to remember. (I’m the flaky, less-texting one in this scenario.)
As the online quote/saying says:
An overthinker must date a great communicator.
If you’re constantly battling for them to message more, or they’re constantly on your case to text more often, the whole situation will probably erupt at some point.
(Yep, I’m speaking from personal experience here, too.)
6: You feel like shit all the time
And by that, I mean: the person you’re dating makes you feel like shit all the time.
This isn’t normal. They shouldn’t make you feel like shit, and they certainly shouldn’t make you feel bad for being you. Constructive criticism is one thing; someone being an asshole is something else entirely.
Your partner should make you feel happy, elevated, and positive – not all the time, of course, but most of the time. They should be the one person you can turn to when everything else turns to shit. It’s you against the rest of the world, remember? You’re meant to be a team. If you’re not, your relationship aint it.
You deserve better.
Everyone deserves better than to be made to feel bad for simply existing.
7: They’re super destructive
Big Love had a drug habit that I couldn’t help him overcome. The same was said for a minimum of two women before me, three women after me, and a couple of kids along the way. He was a destructive force, spending money that we’d spent months saving on a drug that made him mean, angry, and, quite frankly, a cunt.
There comes a point where you must realise something: not only are they super destructive for their own lives, they’re also super destructive for yours, too.
You must pick yourself.
Not them.
You.
You’ll get dragged down with them, otherwise.
8: Emotional abuse
It’s not easy to see emotional (or even physical) abuse from the inside. Oftentimes, people in abusive relationships don’t realise they are, in fact, abusive until someone else tells them. And then someone else tells them. And then maybe a few more people after that.
Emotional abuse is covert. It’s not as easy to spot as physical abuse, which often leaves physical marks, such as scars or bruises. Emotional abuse can be as simple as a look, or a specific tone for coercive control, or a well-timed soul-crushing comment that means absolutely nothing to anyone except you.
9: They’ve lied more than once
I can forgive one lie. Why? Because people get nervous, speak without thinking, and make stupid mistakes. That’s the beauty of being human, I suppose.
Repeated lies are a serious no-no. They don’t care about your feelings, and they certainly don’t respect you, if they’re repeatedly lying to you. And, if you have taken them back/forgiven them repeatedly, you are, in essence, enabling that bed behaviour.
No, they shouldn’t treat you like that.
At the same time, though, you shouldn’t treat you like that!
There is someone out there that won’t lie to you, and they’ll be a much better partner than the one who’s lying so much that their pants are permanently on fire.
10: Stagnation
Stagnant relationships are ones that don’t go anywhere. There’s no progression or movement, and you’re just stuck in the same place. There’s no engagement or wedding bells, no mention of starting a family, and no talk about actually heading in those directions. (That was Jock for me.)
Some people don’t care about not moving. Right there is just fine.
Other people, though, want to move. They want the wedding and kids and happy family. If you’re one of those people, but your partner isn’t… where do you see this going? Surely, you’ll be stagnant until one of you eventually calls it off?!
11: You feel scared at times
Fear is your body’s way of telling you to get the fuck outta there, so I’d thoroughly recommend listening to it. You’re not meant to walk on eggshells to make your partner happy, and you should feel sad, fearful, or otherwise negative, more than you feel positive or happy.
Bad times will happen. Fights will start. At no point should you feel scared in your relationship, though… or scared of your partner. If you do, get out. Run. Let your body relax again.
Relationships that aren’t secure, steady, fulfilling, or healthy have been scientifically proven to screw with your mental health. Now, science says that unhealthy relationships can also play a serious impact on your physical health, too.
Dysfunctional romantic relationships can increase the risks of heart disease, according to Timothy Smith, PhD, and Brian R.W. Baucom, PhD from the University of Utah, speaking to American Psychological Association.
“Recent studies from Ireland and the USA have found that negative social interactions and relationships, especially with partners/spouses, increase the risk of depression, anxiety and suicidal thoughts. In contrast, positive interactions reduce the risk of these issues.” – Source: Mental Health Org UK
12: Actions don’t match words
Hypocrites are the worst, especially in a relationship. They’re telling you to do (or not do) one thing, whilst doing the exact same thing themselves. If they’re not doing that, they’re saying they’re going to do something, then don’t get around to actually doing it.
If the actions don’t match the words, what’s the point in staying? You’re dating someone who is always going to let you down. They’re always going to say one thing, then do the exact opposite. This is even more so the case if you repeatedly forgive and forget.
If you let them, they’ll take it as permission.
13: You’re carrying every conversation
If you find yourself taking charge of every conversation, always making the plans, or constantly having to bring up important topics, it could be the case that your partner simply isn’t interested.
First of all, this is disrespectful as fuck. If you’re listening to them talk about guitars for three hours, the least they could do is contribute to the conversation from time to time.
Alternatively, they’re super boring and have nothing interesting to say.
If you’ve noticed the convo-carrying now, though, it’s only going to become a bigger problem as the relationship runs its course.
14: One/both have gotten handsy…
Separate. Immediately.
There is no place for violence within a relationship, and it’ll escalate whether or not you choose to believe that. Again, I’m speaking from very painful, personal experience.
There’s no respect if either of you are throwing hands, and it’s better to separate before it escalates and one of you ends up dead, the kids see, or something else traumatic and terrible.
Everyone else around you are affected by domestic violence, too: neighbours, friends, family, work colleagues, the lot. They hear and see a lot more than you’d think, and your lies won’t fool anyone.
15: You can’t/don’t trust them
If you constantly feel like you can’t trust your partner, there’s either an issue with their behaviour… or yours – and you’ll need to figure out which one is at fault before making a decision.
Are you creating distrust because of past relationships or experiences? Or is your partner super shady and giving you a reason to be distrustful?
Either you need to work on you, or they need to work on them… and the latter is something that you can’t actually help with.
16: Nobody else likes them
It’s pretty common for a few people in your social circle to not like a partner of yours. As the old saying goes, you could be the juiciest peach in the world, and you’ll still find someone who just doesn’t like peaches.
I would expect the odd family member and/or friend to take issue with your partner, but if they’re all telling you, he’s bad news… well, it might just be time to listen.
If twenty people have a bad, bad feeling about someone, but one person doesn’t, who are you going to side with?
Sometimes, you need to step outside your relationship, to see what’s really happening – which is much, much easier said than done.
17: Your kinks don’t play well together
This isn’t always an issue, but, in my experience, the kinky one tends to get bored when the non-kinky (AKA vanilla) one doesn’t extend past their comfortable boundaries. Sexual compatibility is quite important in a relationship; although, it’s not the most important factor for many.
For me, personally, boredom would start interfering if I were to date someone that I was completely sexually incompatible with. I’m just saying.
18: Boundary disrespect
Speaking of boundaries, it is right and fair for all/both parties in a relationship to have boundaries – limits that they will and won’t allow. These boundaries are an extension of your values, needs, and sense of self. If your partner disregards them, it shows a lack of respect for who you are.
Constant overstepping of boundaries leads to trust erosion, a total imbalance of power, and, without a doubt, fights and disagreements. This is even more so the case when the victim of boundary disrespect is emotionally burnt out, leading to resentment.
Ultimately, a partner who disrespects your boundaries isn’t valuing your needs or the relationship’s emotional stability and safety.
19: They don’t care what you’re doing
They never ask where you’re going, nor do they seem to care much. There’s no asking about your day, who you’ve seen, or what you’ve talked about. In fact, there’s no asking about anything…
That, to me, would be a sign of disinterest and disrespect, and I would assume that my partner was on the verge of ending the relationship.
If someone really cares about you, they’ll be interested in your life – the day-to-day minute stuff alongside the big revelations and upsets. Not giving a shit is one of the biggest signs you’re dating the wrong person.
20: You’re not allowed to have your own life
Your partner might be doing it in a covert way, but if you find yourself spending less and less time doing the things that you’d normally do, and more and more time with your partner, you’re losing your own life. They’re not letting you have your own life.
It’s not cool to disregard your friends for a partner. They’re going to be there when/if it all goes wrong, aren’t they?
It’s also not cool to let go of your hobbies and activities. That kind of behaviour is expected during the “honeymoon stage,” when you’re happy and in the throes of passion. After a while, though, life should go return to “normal” – but a new normal. A type of normal that combines both your passions and theirs and allows for you both to have lives of your own.
21: You’ve got bugger all in common
Opposites attract… but not on a Thursday night, when two different movie styles are competing for prime time, also known as pizza delivery time. One wants action, the other wants comedy; it’s a battle, and it’s probably not the only battle you’ll have.
Music styles, hobbies, holidays in different countries…
What if you can’t agree on anything? Are you going to plan two different holidays, so you both get what you want? Or will one person have to compromise (sacrifice) over and over again?
You don’t need to have lots in common, but life is going to get rather difficult if you have absolutely nothing in common.
Signs You’re Dating the Wrong Person: Summary
I could probably have kept this list of signs you’re dating the wrong person going for a long while yet, but there are only so many hours in the day to read, am I right?
So, I shall close off instead. I hope you’ve found this lil’ dating & sex blog useful/interesting/spicy enough today!
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
If you liked this, I think you might also like these:
- The Smart & Safe Guide to Sending Nudes
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