Should I Give a Second Chance to Someone Who Ghosted Me?
Iβve been ghosted. Itβs quite unpleasant, deeply confusing, and a proper shitty moveβ¦ but I think Iβve been the perpetrator of ghosting as well as the victim. Accidentally, deliberately, and coincidentallyβ¦ In some cases, ghosting is necessary, but does that mean, ghosting is acceptable on some occasions, but not others? And if thatβs the case, what are the rules? Should I give a second chance to someone who ghosted me?
As a professional ex-slut and the victim of more difficult breakups than Iβd like to remember, I like to think that Iβve learned a thing or two in the years Iβve been dating, so please, allow me to share my opinions on this topic.
Should I give a second chance to someone who ghosted me?
If you arenβt sure what ghosting is, Iβve written a little guide to it, which you can find right here.
Moving on, letβs get to the heart of the problem: Do you give that bastard another chance, or not?
Iβm sure so, so many people will disagree with me, but Iβm a huge fan of second chances.
People make mistakes. We are human, and to human is to err. I make mistakes, and I also change my mind all the time. I want pizza. No, Iβve changed my mind: I want lasagna now. People are allowed to change their minds, admit that theyβve made the wrong decision, and ask for forgiveness and/or another chance.
Maybe thereβs still some optimism left in me, but I think second chances are important. Not always, of course; some people donβt deserve them. But, well, yβknow, imagine a moment in your life where you were forgiven for something, and what might have happened if you hadnβt been. Would life be different? Would your relationship be different?
Now, letβs switch to the person who ghosted you. Do you like them enough to forgive them? Was the chemistry there to begin with, or were you just pissed off that you got ghosted when you kinda liked them? Thatβs the key factor here. Itβs got nothing to do with them, and everything to do with you.
Do you want to forgive them and give them another chance? Is it worth it for you? What are you going to get out of it? If itβs not worth saving, donβt try to save it β thatβs all Iβm saying.
What if they didnβt ghost you?
Listen, I know itβs a thing that rarely actually happens in a ghosting situation, but I wrote three whole ranting blog posts about Simon, a chap who ghosted me, but didnβt actually ghost me, then actually ghosted me. Technology issues actually were the problem (the first time,) and Simon had wanted to talk to me all along.
Well, until he actually ghosted me, obviously.
Tech problems do happen.
Cars do breakdown in low-signal areas.
Kids do run off with phones and then hide them in random places.
I mean, yeah, they might be lying⦠but they might also not be lying.
Trust your gut; thatβs what I always say. Mine is rarely wrong. But you might want to give them the chance to explain themselvesβ¦ just in case things arenβt quite as clear cut as they seem.
Giving ghosters another chance: How to do it properly
You donβt need to forget in order to forgive. In fact, itβs almost impossible to forget things that have hurt or irritated you in some way, so let yourself remember it.
What you do need to do, however, is forgive β and that means, letting it go.
You canβt bring it up at every available opportunity. Thatβs just beating them with the same stick that you said youβd forgive them with.
You need to talk about it, get it out, then move on. If you canβt forgive, let them go. If you can forgive, let it go.
Secondary to that, only give the ghoster one more chance. Fool me once, and all that. Once is a mistake, but twice? Thatβs just plain disrespect. Second chances are called second chances for a reason. Remember that.
Thirdly, you must communicate with the ghoster. Tell them how shitty it felt to be ghosted. Make them understand how little you appreciated it. Make sure the ghoster knows, in no uncertain terms, that it will not be tolerated again.
If you have laid your boundaries and thoughts down clearly enough, the other person has no choice but to understand it. If they go ahead and make the same mistake again, theyβre doing it deliberately, by choice, with clear understanding of exactly what you want and donβt want.
It is not better to ask for forgiveness, than for permission.
Summary: Should I give a second chance to someone who ghosted me?
Should you give them a second chance? Well, that oneβs on you, Iβm afraid. I can give you advice, but I canβt tell you what to do.
Can you give them a second chance? Thatβs the question you should ask yourself. Thereβs nothing wrong with saying no. You didnβt deserve to be ghosted. Is there any point in fanning the flames of something that has already been a disappointment? The ghoster would need to be someone special to encourage me to do that.
On the other hand, if youΒ do want to give them a second chance, youβll only wonder what-if until you actually do it. So, do it. Get it out of the way. We all know that youβre probably going to do it, anyway, so own your shit and just. do. it.Β
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! π€
If youβve enjoyed reading this, Iβd like to recommend these:
- 21 Signs Youβre Dating the Wrong Person
- The Safe & Smart Guide to Sending Nudes
- I Dare You to Get Naked [spicy]
