Reminders of Why We Shouldn’t Be.

Awkward situation yesterday…

So, Jock’s brother messages me asking to sort him out a discount for some work-related stuff. I’d promised I would do this before we broke up but I didn’t think he’d actually turn around and ask me to sort it out for him now we weren’t together. Kinda cheeky, don’t you think? Turns out, he didn’t know we weren’t together anymore. Awkward.

I played it cool – Sorry, I’m not back at work yet and Jock and I are no longer together. He was sorry to hear that and wished me all the best. Surely the fact that we were no longer friends on Facebook would have given that game away? Maybe he just hadn’t realised?

I’ve been really good recently and I’ve barely thought about him. I haven’t let myself think about him. I’ve thrown myself into writing and sorting my life out. If I think about him for a split second, my heart sinks to my feet and I’m more sad than I can bear. So I don’t let it happen. However, I am going to obsess over this for just a moment if that’s OK?

Why wouldn’t he have told his brother that we broke up? This has been going on for months now, but we’ve been ‘officially’ broken up for long enough for him to add a bunch of new girls to his Facebook friend list, and be on POF practically every minute of every day. I can’t help but see him. Without us having a textual interchange, I can’t block him. And he’s a ‘top prospect’ for me… Wasn’t that he was meant to have been in the first place?

If his brother doesn’t know, does his mother know? Who else doesn’t know? Why hasn’t he told people that we aren’t together anymore? Why is it, once a-fucking-gain, down to me to sort everything out? He didn’t sort out the job reference because I’ve since had another letter, and he didn’t tell people that we had broken up leaving it down to me as per usual to break the news. Great, my heart’s breaking and I’ve got to tell his family why I can’t do for them what I promised I would do just a few months earlier? How is that fair?

On the plus side, it’s just proven the point that he won’t EVER change, hasn’t it? He’s still incapable of sorting his own life which is why I’m STILL doing it. I should have just ignored the message really, let his brother text him and find out why he is being ignored. Lesson learned – do that in future. Let him sort out his own godamn problems.

Or maybe he didn’t tell people because he wasn’t sure? Food for thought, right? I shan’t dwell. I’m sure it’s just because he’s a lazy fucker, incapable of being in charge of his own life.

Those little signs? I don’t think they are there to remind me we should be together. They are reminders of exactly why we shouldn’t be.

My first positive thought of 2015 🙂