Soundtrack: Beautiful Liar by Beyoncé and Shakira.
My birthday was coming up. That’s how my tale of birthdays, Buckfast, and blowjobs started. Bestie and I had planned the motherfucker of all parties in The Flat. That was what we did, what we were known for. As I’m pretty sure I’ve already said: our ‘gatherings’ were infamous. Talked about for weeks. Everyone wanted to come – and I mean everyone. Even my somewhat conservative family wanted to get in on the not-so-conservative action.
I was still mad at Whisky. The tale of His Best Mate’s Girl seemed too good to be true, and I wasn’t entirely convinced that he hadn’t cheated on me. A big part of me didn’t want to believe it. How could I? I was head-over-heels for him… and I thought he felt the same way about me, too.
I didn’t invite Whisky to my birthday party. Why would I? He probably cheated on me. We weren’t exactly ‘together’ now. Plus, it seemed the safer option for all involved. I wasn’t entirely convinced that Bestie would keep his fists to himself.
I did invite My Mr. Grey, though. We hadn’t spoken for a while, what with the whole Cyprus + girlfriend business… but I felt that it was probably time that I forgave him a bit. I always ran back to Grey when it didn’t work out with yet another guy, and I needed that comfort again. It was shitty of me, sure… but patterns be patterning.
Birthdays
My party was red devil themed, and I wore my red sluttiest dress, with my best push-up bra, and the hottest come-to-bed heels that I could lay my hands on. I completed the look with big, curly, bleach blonde hair and a red lipstick that, honestly, wasn’t the right shade for me. I didn’t know about such things back then. No one did. We were barely out of the blue eyeshadow and concealer-covered lips stage… and what a terrible, TERRIBLE stage that was.
Everything kicked off and everyone started drinking. Standard. And then, Grey turned up. Bestie rolled his eyes and tutted at me, but didn’t say anything. Grey was better than Whisky by a long shot, it seemed. The best of a bad bunch to him, you know?
Grey made a beeline for me, then didn’t leave my side for the rest of the night. If only he’d been so attentive before. I lapped it up, though. For once, he was acting like I’d wanted him to.
Guess who turned up, though?
Buckfast
Whisky appeared in my living room with two of his/our friends, and I went a little insane.
“You’ve got to hide in my bedroom,” I whispered to Grey, pushing him in the right direction.
“Why?”
“No time for that, just get in there!” I shoved him in, then slammed the door shut.
Phew.
I found Whisky next, armed with no fewer than three bottles of Buckfast. “Why are you here?”
“It’s your birthday!” he said, clearly already drunk, trying to kiss me on the lips.
I ducked out of the way. “I didn’t invite you. I don’t want you here.”
“Yeah, you do,” he said, making his way to the kitchen to find a glass.
I wanted to scream. Internally, I screamed louder than anyone had ever screamed before, but I held it together outwardly, at least. What was I going to do? I figured that it was best to explain things to Grey first, so I welcomed a few people to the party, then made my way to my bedroom.
“Am I trapped in here like some sort of sex slave now?” Grey laughed when I opened the door. “I don’t think I’d hate that, actually.”
“My ex-boyfriend, who probably cheated on me, turned up despite me not inviting him,” I explained.
“Hide in here with me, then. It’s your birthday party.”
I mean, Grey had a point. It was my birthday, and I could totally hide if I wanted to. So, I did. I’d had the good sense to take a bottle of red wine with me to talk to Grey, so I didn’t really need to go anywhere just yet.
Blowjobs
Because Grey and I are the most predictable friends-with-benefits ever, I was on my knees with his dick in my mouth in no more five minutes of being in there. He had his back to the door to stop anyone from coming in, and I entertained myself with one of my favourite dicks in the whole world. It wasn’t technically cheating; Whisky and I were no longer together. It felt so wrong, though… in the best ways.
Somewhere during my stolen blowjobs moment, a now very drunk Whisky took his bottles of Buckfast to the park. He drank them, passed out, and stayed there until one of his friends awoke him at 5:30 the next morning.
Somehow, I’d survived what I thought was going to be a very difficult night.
Skillz, I guess.
The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: The Kidney Infection.
Thank you so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
Would you like to read all about The Ex-Husband’s story, right from the very beginning? You’ll find that right here.
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here: