I can’t stop thinking about him, you know. Grey, I mean. Like, literally cannot stop. He’s on my mind, morning, noon, and night, and I can’t shake him out of it. I’m not normally quite so… consumed by him after our encounters, so this has come quite out of the blue – but I really fucking miss him.
You could say, I’ve got it bad.
I Can’t Stop Thinking About You
I’m an adult, right? So, why couldn’t I just do the adult thing and tell Grey how I felt?
“I can’t stop thinking about you. I miss you… but more this time. Does that make sense?” I text him, first thing in the morning when I’m feeling my bravest and most combative.
“I feel the same,” he text back. “Proper lost without you.”
My next text to him turned out to be so long, it needed to be an email instead. It went something along the lines of: I love you. I could spend the rest of my life with you, quite happily. Do you feel the same? Why aren’t we in a proper relationship? Let’s make it a proper relationship.
It ended up being a long-ass day. I sent Grey the email at 9:30/10am, and he didn’t reply until gone 11 that night.
Mama to the Rescue
I waited, paced, sent some texts, then called my mother. I was restless and completely unable to concentrate on work, housework, or anything else. Why hadn’t Grey replied yet? Was he ignoring the email? Had I sent it to the wrong email address? Let’s double check. Yep, that’s the right email address. So, now what? What’s taking so long? If he wants me as much as I want him, it shouldn’t take so long for him to respond.
I spiralled. Big time. Totally lost the plot.
“Mama, I can’t stop thinking about him, so I told him, then he didn’t reply,” I said, making us both a cup of tea in her kitchen – one of the unspoken rules for asking her advice.
“I always thought you two would end up together forever,” she replied.
It made my heart skip a beat. I’d always thought that, too.
For the rest of the day, I tried my best to focus on the things I needed to get done, and my mother sent hourly messages to check up on the situation.
“Nope, nothing yet,” I kept telling her, my heart sinking into my feet a little more each time.
I’d scared him away. I was sure of it. We were friends-with-benefits, not marriage material. What the fuck was I thinking? I’d ruined everything. Fuck.
11PM
At 11pm, just as I prepared to tuck myself into bed, Grey finally replied with a text message. The notification almost made me throw my phone across the room, then I stared at the screen for a while, too afraid to read what was inside.
“Hey, gorgeous! I’m smiling, and you know what? It’s you. I just read your email, and I feel the same. I’m just sitting eating beans on toast with grilled cheese on top. Oh, and thinking of you.”
Oh, my god.
Oh, my fucking god.
He feels the same.
HE FEELS THE FUCKING SAME!
I Wasn't Thinking About Him...
See, I wasn’t climbing into bed alone when I received Grey’s response. I wasn’t thinking about him then. I’d booty-called Guy, desperate for any kind of distraction and landing on free-and-easy sex. I’d convinced myself that Grey would say no… and now that he’d replied with a yes, my interest in Guy had completely disappeared.
I faked a headache, and Guy cuddled me to sleep instead… but the guilt engulfed me when I woke up the next morning. What was I doing? If I wanted Grey so damn much, why did I convinced myself that he’d say no, then jump into bed with a man I’m not all that interested in?
Plus, what does Grey’s response actually mean? Are we together now? Are we FWBs with a little more commitment? What’s the deal? Should I act exclusively? I think we need to talk about this a little more, Grey and I. There are so, so many things that we’ll need to figure out if we’re going to give a real relationship a shot. We live at other ends of the “kingdom,” in different countries – what we will do about that? How will we organise seeing each other?
Where do we go from here?
I guess we will see.
I had to at least try though, right?
The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: That Time I Buzzed Across a Bench.
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
Want to read all about My Mr. Grey’s story, right from the very beginning? You’ll find that right here.
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here:
Congratulations! I think this will be a very exciting time for you. (and lots of hot sexy posts for us. YAY!) Ask him about the monogamy. You aren’t going to ruin anything by asking, I hope you two are very happy together,
Thank you! It has been a very long time coming. And here’s to hot sexy fun!!! 😀