The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of
Number: 43
Length: 5 months
If I had to describe this relationship in three words, I would say: smoky, stupid, and shitty.
What Makes Great Sex Great?
You know it’s fairly serious when I’m happy for my family and friends to be able to locate him and potentially stalk him on social media. He’s great and all, but I need to talk about a couple of things. So, let’s start with a question: what makes great sex great… and what doesn’t?
Anal Sex Fail: That Time I Pooped on His Knee
I woke up today, said “Good morning” to Guy, who was lying beside me, then got up to put the kettle on. It was just a regular day that started like any other… until I walked back upstairs, two teas in hand, and saw something. It would appear, folks, that we’d had a little bit of an anal sex fail.
Anal Sex: What’s the Deal?
What’s the obsession with anal sex lately? Or just generally? Don’t get me wrong, I don’t hate it. I’ll order anal from time to time if it’s on the menu, but to be honest, I don’t really get all that much from anal play/sex. It's not something that I'd actively seek out, and it certainly wouldn't be my first choice of filthy things to do....
I Think We Need To Break Up
So, at the worst possible time, I realised that it’s time for me and Guy to break up. He’s not the right guy for me, for so many reasons. So, so, so many. I actually think we’d be here for an eternity if I were to list them all, but I’ll give you a handful of reasons that I’m sure you’ll agree with.Are you ready? (Sigh.)…
Dilemma
I genuinely meant to break up with Guy. I did. I promise you, I did. When I invited him over, I planned to sit him down, hand over the stuff that he’d left at my house, then tell him it was over. I almost did it, too. Almost being the important word. I think I’ve got myself a little dilemma, peeps.
I Finally Did It
I finally invited The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of (Guy) to mine, to do the dreaded deed… AKA break up with him. And yes, I finally did it. I broke up with him. I actually did it this time... I think?
Text Sex Crazy
So, I’ve been single for a little while, but you wouldn’t think it from the way I’ve been acting. Do you remember The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of, also known as Guy? Well, he’s turned into a post-relationship, text sex crazy sorta thing… and we definitely shouldn’t be doing it.
I Did a Bad, Bad Thing
Okay, so, last night I made a dumb decision. I did a bad thing. A bad, bad thing. I decided to meet Guy for a drink, taking the Bestie along with me, in a bar that I used to work in that would be filled with people I knew. You’d think that would be protection enough against any bad decisions, but no, my vagina had other…
Biting Me in the Ass!
You guys, I need to admit something. In case you’re not aware, I accidentally invited The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of (Guy) to mine after sending a nerve-wracking email to My Mr. Grey that bares my soul and asked him to love me forever. That decision is now biting me in the ass.
The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of (Literally)
I cannot believe I’m saying this, but The Guy I Couldn’t Get Rid Of is proving difficult to get rid of… again. He’s a lunatic. A crazy fucking lunatic. And he will not leave me alone right now.I think I’ve got myself a little stalker. Texts, Texts, Texts Yesterday I woke up to a barrage of text messages from Guy, all proclaiming his love to…