#OnlineDating: A Reality Check.
So, I got a comment on one of my last blog posts that actually made me sit and think. Actually, this seems to be happening a lot recently. Quit making me think guys! (But thanks for the inspiration obviously!)
I came across this blog post and it was interesting to read and I thought I’d put my 2 pence worth.
If you say you’re not having much luck, how about guys like me who are ignored 99.9% of the time? I’ve never asked for a picture over Whatsapp (or any other medium for that matter). Hell, I have yet to meet anyone in person from any online dating facilities, let alone asking about what turns them on or even tell them if I’m horny.
You might be a one-on-one girl but how many other girls are? I’ve been texting a girl for the past week (she’s from that 0.1% who even gave me her number) but I’m convinced she’s chatting to other guys as well, that or she has loss interests in talking to me.
I’d like to think I am one of the nice guys with no skeletons hidden anywhere but does any girl give me her time and attention? No. Does your post make me feel any better? No, if anything your posts makes it worse!
The guys you’ve met so far have been somewhat of a dick but at least it was them who fucked it up. There are guys out there who respect women, have no hidden skeletons and wants a relationship, unfortunately 99.99% of the time they get ignored. Online dating do suck but some a lot more than others. Compare to me, you’ve had more luck than I have.
Firstly CT123, whoever you are, thank you very much for your comment. As always, it was most appreciated – put your two pence in wherever you like! Well, within reason of course.
Secondly…. I was going to put this as a reply but I have a feeling it’s going to get pretty long so I’ll post it instead. I hope you read it. Let me know if you do.
I’d love to see your profile. I’d love to take a peek at what you have to say, and have a good root through your pictures. I want to know why you’re ignored. You can spell which automatically puts you two steps ahead of the rest. I just block anyone that sends me a really bad message. And before you say anything at all, I know some people have dyslexia. I’m talking to a guy right now that has dyslexia and he at least makes an effort. He didn’t tell me until two days after we started talking either.
Why do you think you are ignored? Have you filled your profile out properly? Girls look for that. What are your intentions? “Looking for a relationship?” or “Casual / No commitment?”. I think I can already probably guess the answer to that. Just make sure it doesn’t say “Looking for someone to marry” because that’s kinda off putting. It looks like you just want to get married to someone, anyone. Pick one and that one will do.
Do you have pictures up? Are they all in the same pose? Doing the same thing? Are you in the pub getting trashed in every single one of them? Do you think your photos are a true reflection of who you are? Every guy I seem to find these days is obsessed with the gym, going to Miami, and house music and every single one of their photos is either of them taking a selfie in the gym mirror, or getting trashed in a field somewhere, covered in day-glo paint. I know this isn’t life every day for these guys, but it sure doesn’t like they have anything else going on. I don’t drink so clearly I’m not going to want to go for one of these guys. Nor do I appreciate the fine delights that house music has to offer. I’m not that bothered about the gym either. I like my guy with a little bit of a gut if I’m honest.
Moving on…
The girl you’re talking to now; what makes you think she’s lost interest or is chatting to other guys? Is she online all the time? Perhaps she’s not messaging back quite so fast?
I’m going to set a little scenario here for you. I’m talking to two guys right now. This isn’t really a habit I get into. I don’t normally find that many people I like online at all, let alone two guys at the same time. I’ve been talking to them both for about three days so we’re not at the number swapping point yet. One is kinda dwindling because I think we’ve both realised it’s not going anywhere but the other… Well, he’s something. His profile made me laugh. He’s not the usual kinda guy I would go for looks-wise but despite that, there is an attraction. In fact, I’m pretty sure I even messaged him first. He has tattoos and a beard. We’re off to a winning start. He’s the one with dyslexia, in case you were wondering.
He’s polite. He’s respectful. He has no intentions of sending me a penis pic and we have great conversation. He comes across as a “good guy”. Not the kind of guy I would go for at all but I like him. I smile when I read his messages. The thought of meeting him makes me nervous but good nervous – butterflies nervous. I like it. He’s invited me out for tea and cake on Saturday. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna say yes. I’ve told him I’ll let him know, of course. Firstly, we have this joke going on that I’m gonna leave him hanging for ages and secondly, because I don’t wanna seem too keen even though I genuinely am.
I have been busy the last few weeks being ill, getting shit shoved up my ass (colonoscopy, not a penis), fighting with the ex and repairing various parts of my home that appear to be breaking around me – boiler, leaking shower, short-circuited plug sockets, etc. Well, not me but arranging for guys that know what they’re doing to fix them. There have been long periods where I’ve not messaged him back. There have also been long periods I’ve not messaged him back. It’s not because I’ve lost interest. It’s not because I’m messaging a whole bunch of other guys. It’s because I’m busy and I don’t always remember to message back. Or I leave the app open , put the phone on the table and I go off into another room, getting lost in whatever I’m doing for twenty minutes. I’m pretty sure I turned the auto-sleep / lock thing off when I was playing around with some settings the other day so it looks like I’m online even though I’m off in the kitchen doing laundry or whatever. She’s not always talking to other guys. Don’t jump to conclusions.
In the same way that you wouldn’t like girls to tar all guys with the same brush, don’t tar all girls with the same brush. We aren’t all something out of Catfish. We aren’t all ignoring you. We aren’t all leading you on. Those girls are out there, I know that. In fact, I know a few. But we aren’t all like that.
You can be the juiciest peach in the world and you’ll always find someone that doesn’t like peaches. I’ve messaged a whole bunch of guys that never messaged me back. I’ve also not responded to a fair few of my own, although I do try to message back the ones that are at least respectful enough to send a decent message. The “Hi, wuu2?” guys get blocked immediately. If you can’t be bothered to spend two seconds longer spelling an actual word out in a text message, you probably won’t bother with foreplay either. Not interested.
Not everyone is going to like me and that’s just fine. I wouldn’t want to be everyone’s cup of tea. Out of about ten messages I’ve sent to guys over the last week – guys that I genuinely think I could get along with (actually reading the profile, not just their pictures), I’ve probably only had a couple back. It’s fine. Sometimes you just gotta take rejection on the chin.
At the same time, are you actually ASKING for a date? Are you actually ASKING to take things to the next level if you think they should be heading that way? What’s the point in having the privacy behind your mobile phone or laptop if you’re not going to use it. Sometimes you just gotta bite the bullet and be brave. If you don’t ask, you don’t get. It’s as simple as that. Plus everyone knows rejection isn’t actually that bad when it’s not face to face.
I do get what you’re saying though. I’ve probably let the nicest guys slip through my fingers because of one thing or another, normally something ridiculously stupid. Thanks for the reality check. Maybe I need to give more guys a chance? Maybe you need to grow some balls? Hopefully we helped each other?
Let me know & cheers CT123! xo
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Didn’t expect my comment would inspire such a lengthy post! I appreciate you taking the effort to respond to me as well.
I’d love to know why I’ve been ignored, pretty much the million dollar question! Maybe I’m THAT fugly, even having a nice personality cannot compensate for it? On a side note, I think this will be my answer whenever I get asked why am I still single from now on though.
I honesty have no idea why I’ve been ignored. Maybe I’m completely useless at breaking the ice, I’ve tried different messaging “strategies”; long, short, funny, complimentary etc, none of them worked. The girl I was texting (note the past tense) didn’t really count because I knew her from many years ago and she wasn’t an ex.
My profile was filled out properly, in fact a couple of female friends came across my profile and both said it was fine. I would say my pictures represented me and who I am, although one of the pictures was a cartoon taking the piss out of duck faces and if a girl found that picture offence then clearly she isn’t for me. None of my pictures were remotely sloshed and definitely no selfies.
I have no idea whether the girl I was talking to was chatting to other guys and she did admit she was slow at replying but the last time I heard from her was last Friday night and her replies were very short. That was the first obvious hint that she has lost interest, that was nearly a week ago and I still haven’t heard back from her so it’s safe I’ve reached the end of the road with her!
I do get girls who message me but nearly all of them simply says “hi” so I don’t bother replying back to them. I do appreciate I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but if I exclude the most recent girl I was talking to on the grounds that we knew each from the past, I have sent messages to 50+ girls and I have literally received zero reply. Not one. Zilch. However I did reply to a couple of girls who put a bit more effort with their initial message and we eventually exchanged numbers/Facebook then I asked them for a date. Both said yes at the time and both said they were looking forward to it leading up to the day but those dates never happened.
I don’t have the skin of a rhino and after being rejected (or ignored in my case) so many times, it’s difficult not to tar all the girls with the same brush especially when I constantly see “are there any normal guys left?”. That and wonder if I have “f**k off” written across my face which is invisible to me.
Despite my friends telling me not to, I’ve deleted my profile and gave up on dating sites now. Like I said at the beginning, I appreciate your reply and insight into your dating world. If I decide to try online dating again, maybe you can help me along the way?