My Mr. Grey is Moving Away.

My Mr. Grey is moving away. I haven’t thought about him in a few weeks now, but he appeared on social media, so I commented: “I miss your face.” I shouldn’t have done that, but I did.

“I miss so much more than your face,” he replied. Then, he told me: “I’m moving away to The Other Side of the World.”

Something happened to him, apparently. Something bad. He didn’t want to talk about it, but whatever it was, it made him get a Visa sorted, then put plans in place to move as far away from me as he could possibly get. Ish.

I shouldn’t care. I have Jock now, and I’m happy. Mostly. So, why did I feel so… numb? Why do I feel so numb? Why does it feel like the ground is falling and taking me down with it? What’s making me feel so agitated and distracted? Why am I fidgeting? Why, why, why? So many questions, so few answers. Hey, at least it was consistent for Grey.

I almost want to beg him to stay, or take me with him, or try a long-distance relationship, or something… but what would be the point? As Bestie so eloquently said: “If he was meant to be with you, his timing would have been better. He wasn’t right for you. you need to let him go.” Hadn’t we tried over and over again already? Repeatedly? Every few years? I’ve ruined plenty of potentially good relationships for Grey already; I can’t do it to Jock. I almost did. I sure as fuck crossed the line. But I can’t fuck up what I have with Jock, for Grey. I’ve done that cycle far too many times already.

The girls on The Other Side of the World are going to love him. I’m going to lose him, my friends-with-benefits, Dom, fuckbuddy, whatever it is I should call him, to some hottie with a hot accent. But he wasn’t just those things, was he? He has always, right from the beginning, been so, so much more than just a fuckbuddy to me. I’ve loved him. Maybe I do still love him. The wistfulness I feel about his departure proves that he’s more than just someone I fuck, still.

This isn’t the first time we’ve done this, though. And at least I’m not disappointed that he won’t take me with him this time around. Bestie is right: Grey has chosen other women and other countries over me, more than once. It’s time for me to say goodbye.

Grey wants to say goodbye in person, but I think that’s a risky move. There’s a good chance that we’ll end up falling in bed (or elsewhere) together, and I don’t want that. I don’t want to do that to Jock. I’ll justify it by saying, “Oh, but I’m not going to see Grey again,” too. That’s just shitty of me. Unfortunately, I don’t know if my willpower around Grey is great enough to trust myself on one last ‘date.’

So, I shall say no.

Even though I really want to see him one last time, kiss him one last time, look into his eyes one more time, I will politely decline. I will be the good girlfriend that I know I can be, and choose my future instead of my past.

But fuck, I’m going to miss him.

Once again, My Mr. Grey is moving away.

😞

The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: 260 Miles of Emotion.