Soundtrack: Soldier by Destiny’s Child.
He was the most beautiful boy in the world. That’s what I thought when I saw the boy that would become my husband, for the first time. He caught my eye immediately, and from that very glance I was obsessed. Unhealthily so, probably. I could never have known how much that boy would end up changing my life. Honestly, perhaps I still would’ve done everything I did regardless.
It’s time for us to talk about my ex-husband, also known as Number 28: Whisky, or the most beautiful boy in the world.
Number 28: Whisky
I’d been out drinking with Bestie when I saw him for the first time, and for once, we weren’t in The Admiral.
“You like that guy, huh?” Bestie had asked, and I nodded my agreement.
For some reason, Bestie decided to go over to the most beautiful boy in the world and asked for his number. Unbeknownst to all of us, that one moment would change the trajectory of my life forever.
“I’m not gay,” the boy said in response.
Bestie laughed. “It’s for her,” he said, pointing at me.
I was mortified, even in my slightly drunken state. It did the trick, though; I got the beautiful boy’s number. Let’s call that beautiful boy Whisky to keep things simple. Whisky was the same age as me, a soldier, smarter than I’d assumed, and oh, so funny. He’d funny’d his way into my pants in the way that those funny boys do, and I thought I’d hit the jackpot. I couldn’t believe my luck. Was that beautiful boy really interested in me?
I took him home with every intention of sleeping with him… but we both fell asleep on the couch, then didn’t move until the sun rose, at which point he had to go to work.
My disappointment was off the charts.
The Second First Date
We decided to have a proper first date after that. A second first date if you will. We got all dressed up, went to a local pub-restaurant place… then got drunk again. Properly drunk. Hammered. Woke the neighbours up by singing the Macarena loudly on the way home-type stuff. Apparently. I don’t remember a thing.
The next thing I do remember is waking up beside him in my bed. We were both naked. Did we sleep together? I hoped so, but at the same time I hoped not. I was too drunk to remember a thing. Did we use a condom? There were no wrappers scattered around the place, so I assumed not. Well, shit. If we had sex, it was unsafe sex. I was always (mostly) careful, and there was a stack of condoms in my nightstand… but there wasn’t even a tiny, ripped corner of a condom wrapper around. Trust me, I checked.
Whisky hung around for breakfast, then left to go back to camp. Because of course he was another soldier. It’s a recurring theme at this point. Ya girl goes feral for a military uniform, and especially the army. FERAL! That became apparent very early on in my dating life, and nothing much has changed over the years. Like, at all, actually.
The Most Beautiful Boy In the World
On our third attempt at a first date, Whisky and I didn’t get so hammered that we couldn’t remember a thing… and we finally, definitely fucked. Maybe we already did and couldn’t remember it, but I class our third first date as our first fuck. It’s the first one that I remember, so I suppose that’s all that’s important, really.
It was awkward and clumsy as those first fucks usually are, but he won me over by laughing at the mishaps. We’d gotten so carried away that there was no condom involved. But in that bed, on our third first date, I knew that I wanted to keep him forever. I could barely understand a single word he said, with his thick Scottish accent, but it didn’t matter. I’d have happily listened to him read the phone book to me.
I suppose I was smitten from the very first moment I clapped eyes on him, but that third date sealed the deal. It was more than a crush. Much more. Bigger and better than that. I wanted to make the most beautiful boy in the world, my next boyfriend. Not just a lover; someone and something much, much more than that.
It wasn’t love at first sight, but he pretty much had me from the very first look…
And he knew it.
The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: An Eater.
Thank you so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
Would you like to read all about The Ex-Husband’s story, right from the very beginning? You’ll find that right here.
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here: