My worst nightmare has happened, friends. Someone has found my blog. I’ve been outed. Everything is completely fucked. I don’t have a clue what to do now about basically anything in my life.
“I need to tell you something,” One Ball said to me.
I groaned. Those aren’t words that I’m overly fond of hearing, and they’re usually the prequel to something very, very bad. This time was no exception.
“I’ve found your sex blog,” he confessed.
Bollocks. Fuck. Shit. Bollocks.
Back when we’d first started dating, I’d admitted to OB that I wrote a little blog about my dating and sex life. I didn’t tell him everything – name, specifics, you know. But, well, I skirted around the edges.
Apparently, that’s all it took.
“I typed a few things into Google, and your blog came up,” he continued. “I’d already read a bit before I realised it was your blog.”
This fucking bloke is so much hassle.
First, he lied.
Then, he lied again.
Oh, and then there was the other lie after that.
And now, he’s actively gone looking for my blog, then lied about not knowing it was my blog when he found it.
THIS FUCKING BLOKE.
I’ve covered my tracks pretty well on this blog. Little details have been changed (but not embellished) to protect the identities of the people involved. I wouldn’t want anyone I know or ever knew to read my most innermost thoughts, so I’ve done my best to make sure that everything is anonymous as possible.
Clearly, I haven’t done a good enough job.
OB is going to read things that I don’t want him to read, if he hasn’t already done so. He’s going to read my most secret and private thoughts; although, to be fair, that’s my fault for publishing them on the internet.
He’s going to find out how many people I’ve slept with, what I like and don’t like in bed, and everything else that he should find out gradually, naturally, over the course of a relationship – like normal folk.
“How much did you read?” I demanded.
“Nothing, I promise,” he answered. “As soon as I realised that first one was yours, I didn’t read anything else. I exited the website.”
We already know that this man is a fucking liar, so am I really meant to believe that? If I found a blog that wrote about me, I’d read it. I’d probably lie about reading it afterwards, too. He went looking for it. He didn’t just come across it: he went looking.
He apologised profusely, one hundred times or more. I ended the call and ignored his texts and calls for the rest of the day. What the hell is wrong with this man? How many more chances does he want? How many more does he need???
What the hell is wrong with me?! I’m the one giving him all those chances, aren’t I? Is this really what I’m willing to settle for? A bunch of lies and constantly walking on eggshells in fear of what might come out next?
I’m actually a bit heartbroken about this. I think I’d rather he’d cheated on me than read the blog. It would be easier to deal with. Now, I’m wondering if I should close the blog down. I can’t believe he has essentially fucking outed me. I’ve been outed.
One Ball, if you’re reading this: fuck you. I hope you’re happy with yourself.
I ain’t trusting you again.
The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: Composed Enough.
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
Want to read all about One Ball’s story, right from the very beginning? You’ll find that right here.
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here:
Sucky, suck-suck, sucks! Hug to you. Our private blog spaces are so damn important. I hope you can work all this out.
Oh mayn! On the plus side, if you can forgive him and he has read it all, at least he knows everything about you and that’s always good. My friends read my blog but never the guys (least I Hope not). Im actually thinking of changing some things to make it less searchable for the people i’ve written about. I hope you sort things out, your last post sounded like things were going really well
Things WERE going really well! He has made a promise never to read it, and he swore on his kids lives. I’m wondering whether or not to believe him, but I think in my head I’m already giving him the benefit of the doubt….. I am going to make the decision to carry on writing. After all, if he doesn’t like what it says, he shouldn’t be reading it, should he?
That’s terrible. I understand the need to go to extreme lengths to hide ones personal blog. Perhaps the temptation of knowing he was being blogged about was just too great? Maybe he thought it might be some kind of ego boost or give him some kind of insight into you? But then why tell you? I don’t know, but I hope everything works out for you.
That’s what I don’t understand! He finally admitted to clicking on the link but still swears down that he didn’t read it… I’m not sure. I’ve calmed down since yesterday, and I guess we need to talk about it. I just wish he hadn’t gone looking for it. It’s made something fairly simple so damn complicated! He wouldn’t hate what I had written about him. Aside from his odd sex-face, there’s nothing bad about him… not really anyway. It’s not the point. It would be like someone going through my journal or my phone! Such a breach of privacy!
Ugh, I made à long ass comment but it didnt save. I hope you Work it out, sounded like things were going well. And who knows, if he has read it, it might not scare him off. Though it is à breach of trust. I never tell anyone I have a blog unless I want them to know and find it. Good luck!
It was a stupid comment made at the beginning of us dating. We were doing the whole “Tell me a secret” thing. Regardless of whether or not he reads it, things won’t be the same, will they? Sad face!
All I can say is I’m sorry.. X
Uh I am so sorry! There is the plus that now he knows everything, but it is also a HUGE invasion of your privacy that you told him about. *hugs* to you, I hope it works out! It sounded like it was going great!!
I would hate the guys I date to see mine …. I usually tell them because otherwise I feel that I am breaching their rights without their consent but I would never expect them to look or find it … actually maybe I should expect it! Hugs to you … may you find a positive way forward x
He’s the only guy I’ve ever told, and that was because of a flippant comment made during a “telling secrets” moment earlier on in the relationship. Dummy move!
It is a breach of trust. Plain and simple. I am so sorry. He told you he did it and the pop psychologist in me says….I have no idea what to think about that! I thought he sounded like a keeper but now he has some major repair work to start doing!
This is basically my worst nightmare. But seeing as this was written a while ago and you’re now writing about the “L word,” I guess it’s had a happy ending.
Yes – he promised he would never, ever read it and I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. Up to now, he has made no comment on the blog at all, which I feel he would if he read it, and thinks are going along swimmingly.
Let’s hope we manage to keep it this way!
You feel hurt and betrayed. Which is only proper – you have been lied to by someone you trusted. But reading your blog is not a violation of privacy. You publish. It is here in broad daylight for the world to see. This man reading your blog is no crime at all. This man feeling guilty about doing so and lying to you about it … that is hurtful. If you love him though, talk it out. Try to understand each other. It has to be worth at least that, once your anger subsides.