I did something really stupid, and now I need to admit that stupid thing to you. I’m not relishing it. You’re going to judge me, quite rightly, and as much as I need to hear it, I’m not ready for it. You see, I was feelin’ Grey, so I sent a ‘lil text message to Grey – AKA My Mr. Grey.
Why? Why did I do that?
Let’s unpack my stupid decision and see, shall we?
Pre-Text
I’ve been mulling over the final week of the two weeks I spent with One Ball. It was just a shitty few days, but it somehow feels bigger than that. It’s more than just a bad patch. It’s the beginning of the end… because I’m losing interest.
Suddenly, OB has become immature and childish, a liar, incapable of making a decision, and annoying. His presence does (and did) irritate me. It’s suffocating.
He has always been that way, though. He has always been those things. Nothing has changed. Perhaps I’ve only just started to see it for the first time? Either way, my loyal, doting, faithful girlfriend-ness is fading away fast… and it’s about to be replaced by a cheating whore. Why? Because I cannot stop thinking about Grey; that’s why.
Sex with OB is fine, sure. Playful, fun, occasionally [rarely] unpredictable. More often than not, though, I know exactly what’s coming next – where he’ll touch me, what comes out of his mouth, the lot. If I’m being completely honest, I think it’s boring the shit out of me. Once we’ve had sex once or twice, I’m bored. Fuck two is the same as fuck one, and fuck three will be same as the two before it.
But sex with Grey? That’s something else entirely. It’s a literal out of body experience – and never predictable. Ever. I never know what’s coming next, and I have no clue if he even does. I’m never bored with him. He never loses my interest. In fact, he always, every single time, leaves me wanting more and more and more…
So, I sent the text.
The Text
“Hey, you! How’s tricks? I miss your face!”
How very fuck-girl of me, right? But that’s the kind of relationship that Grey and I have – and, at some point, I’m going to need to introduce him to you fine people properly. He’s a very regular visitor in my life (and my bed.)
In minutes, Grey sent a text back:
“Hey back! I’m coming down next weekend. Do you want to see my face?”
Shit. I wasn’t expecting that. I should’ve expected it, really; that’s the kind of thing Grey does… but his timing, as always, is terribly impeccable. He has a habit of popping at just the right time, oftentimes to help me ruin my life properly and in the kinkiest way possible. Honestly, I love it.
Post-Text
What am I doing? What am I playing at? Am I deliberately finding faults with OB just so I have an excuse to see (and fuck) Grey? Or are those faults growing bigger and bigger every day, to the point where I can no longer ignore them?
I have a boyfriend. We’ve been together for like, seven or eight months now. We “love” each other, and I don’t think he’d ever hurt me. Well, deliberately, anyway.
Grey has already hurt me. Repeatedly. He has led me on; promised me the world in weird, cryptic ways that I had to decipher and rarely managed work out; and couldn’t answer a straight question with a straight answer if he tried. Like, ever.
This decision is a no-brainer: stop texting Grey and work on the relationship I already have. I know that I should do that, that I must do that.
So, why can’t I do it? Why does OB feel like… old news? Why has my mind (or cunt) moved on already? It’s like a switch has been flicked: I was obsessed with him, then I wasn’t.
Do OB and I really have anything in common? Not really.
Does he satisfy me sexually? Ish… but maybe not enough.
Do I enjoy my time with him? Yes… but only up to seven or eight days at a time.
I think that gives me my answer, don’t you? Whether I see (and fuck) Grey or not, I need to call things off with OB.
Right?
The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: No.
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
Want to read all about One Ball’s story, right from the very beginning? You’ll find that right here.
If you fancy My Mr. Grey’s story instead, that’s right here.
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here:
