At some point in her life, a woman must finally say no. She must understand that saying yes to that man will send her on another merry-go-round of emotional torture and choose to say no instead. And that, my darling friends, is just what this woman has done.
I said no to Grey.
I also lied about why, but we’ll get to that in a moment.
I Said No
I wanted to say yes so fucking bad. I typed the word out first, before then deleting the three little letters and replacing them with two: no. I didn’t press send right away, either; I mulled over the question, and the answer, and the possibilities. Oh, the possibilities.
But I’m not that kind of woman these days. I’m not a cheat. I was a cheat, but leopards can change their spots – because I am one of those leopards. Thinking about cheating on One Ball with Grey is one thing, but actively doing it is another.
And he’s a good man, isn’t he? One Ball, I mean. He lied, sure, but we’ve gotten past that. He hasn’t lied since (I hope,) and he hasn’t tried to hurt me. In fact, he’s done the direct opposite. He has been nothing but a good boyfriend, and he doesn’t deserve infidelity.
I’m better than that now, too… aren’t I? I’m a kinder and more patient person, and I don’t want to hurt anyone, especially my boyfriend. For all his flaws (?) he actually is a pretty decent guy.
Why would I want to throw all of that to waste for a chap who has hurt me, more than once? Led me on? Refused to answer my ‘what are we?’ questions? Our sex life is spectacular together, but Grey isn’t the right man for me. We both know it… despite my frequent protests.
Ignorance is Bliss
Grey sent messages. Many, many messages. Why can’t I see him? What’s wrong? What am I doing instead? Why didn’t I want to see him? Had he upset me? I saw them on my phone’s screen, but I didn’t open them. It took everything I had, but I didn’t open them.
I have never been prouder of myself.
Every time the phone buzzed, I ran to it, fumbling around to see what the notification was… and the temptation was almost too strong. I muted and silenced everything I could. Thankfully, it seemed to do the trick. No buzzing = no running to the phone and almost opening Grey’s messages.
You have no idea how much self-control it took, though. Memories and flashbacks of our fucks span through my mind as I typed out the rejection along with an, “I’m working and can’t get cover, sorry,” line.
But why did I lie?
Why didn’t I tell him that I couldn’t see (/fuck) him because of One Ball?
I don’t have work. My shift was covered within fifteen minutes of Grey’s reply to my text message.
Why didn’t I just tell him the truth?
We probably all know the answer to that.
(But ssshhh, don’t tell anyone.)
The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: Paranoid Prick.
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
Want to read all about One Ball’s story, right from the very beginning? You’ll find that right here.
If you fancy My Mr. Grey’s story instead, that’s right here.
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here:
