Composed Enough
I’ve had some time to think and calm down following the whole OB-found-my-fucking-blog incident, and I think I’m composed enough to try and hash out this problem. I’ve been angrily ignoring him, but also angrily missing him, too. Honestly, I didn’t think I’d miss him as much as I do. I didn’t realise I liked him as much as I clearly do.
Some thoughts
OB and I have been together for a little while now. We’ve already hashed out a few issues, mostly surrounding him being a lying twat, and I had to work really hard to wade through the river of bullshit he’d initially spouted.
But, well, I’ve got feelings for the guy now. Proper feelings. They’ve complicated things, and I can’t work out if he’s worth the hassle he’s been causing.
We’ve had a bumpy ride, but that ride has also been orgasmic, a lot of fun, and more interesting than I’d predicted. We all know that I’d be bored by now without all the drama. I’m a relationship masochist, I think. I need a little drama every now and then to keep things interesting, but this might be a little too much drama for me. I want a range of emotions in a relationship – all of them, in fact… but I didn’t ask for this.
It’s been a while since I’ve met someone as compatible with me as he is, in the bedroom. That works as a massive pro for him, and if our sex life wasn’t as enjoyable as it is, I’d have gotten rid of him already. I’ve no doubt about it.
He’s walking around on eggshells, trying to do whatever it takes to make things right between us… but can he make things right? Can you repeatedly lie to someone like he has, then still expect to fix the relationship afterwards?
I keep tapping out text messages, then deleting them again, not really sure what to say to him. There are so many thoughts and opinions whirling around in my head, I’m not even sure where I’d start. Probably with one-hundred-and-one questions that he might lie in the answers to.
OB keeps promising that he hasn’t read the blog… and I think he’d probably say something about one or more of the things I’ve said about him (and others) if he had.
So, do I give him another chance? I’m composed enough to talk about it now, but am I composed enough to make a sensible decision? What if he lies to me again? What if he continues to lie to me? What if I continue to fall for it?
Why do men have to make things so fucking difficult?
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
You can also read the entire One Ball story, from start to finish, right here.
If you fancy reading something else, here are a few places you could start:
Think I love him a little bit too.. Good man- hold onto him 🙂 x
Thank you! He is a sweetheart lol! 🙂
AWESOME!
Really like your blog… NEVER QUIT!
But I like the sound of one-ball. I do. I completely understand you though, and I am crossing my fingers for you 🙂
Excited to read what’s next…!
Good for you for carrying on with what you want to do. And good for you for letting him know how mad and disappointed you are. And good for him for trying to make amends.
I think in this situation, I too, would be cautious with him, but until he gives you a reason to think that he’s gone back to read, all you can do is trust him… cautiously. 🙂
Let’s just hope I’m not making a big mistake. I kinda trust him though…. despite everything. There’s something about him that is so innocent. I don’t think any of it has been done out of malice, I just think he is an idiot that made bad choices. I’m still smitten. I still love him a little bit. I still don’t know how to tell him…. It’s always a struggle haha!
Thanks 🙂
When you’re smitten it’s so much easier to look over the errors of ones ways…..just be careful. Your readers worry about your heart and want you to be happy. 🙂
I get the dumb choices – I’d say it must be a guy thing but women do it too. 🙂
That’s true – to all accounts. Maybe I should leave my love choices in the hands of my readers? They may do a better job than me hahaha! 🙂
Yikes, that could be dangerous. 😉
Just know that even though you don’t see us – we care. xo
And I will always be grateful! Big hearts to all you guys!!!
xoxoxo