I’m going to start this BuzzPinky Licking Palm Shaped Vibrator review by saying, in no uncertain terms, that we are not a match made in heaven. In fact, we are mortal enemies. I hate the toy, and I think the toy hates me just as much. We’ve got beef. Big beef. The beefiest beef there ever was.
Allow me to tell you why.
A Little Background
I went on the Buzz Pinky website to look for a new sex toy. I wasn’t looking for something specific; just hoping that something would catch my eye, you know? Something did, too: the Satisfyer 2 Pro… and it was on sale. I love a sale.
The Licking Palm Shaped Vibrator was also on special offer. If you’re a regular around these parts, you’ll already know that I haven’t had oral sex (or any kind of sex) for a really long time, so the faux-licking aspect interested me. I’d thrown the pulse-style vibe in my basket (Satisfyer 2 Pro,) so I figured that it wouldn’t hurt to try another kind of clitoral stimulation. I threw it in my basket to get free delivery, and now here we are.
BuzzPinky Licking Palm Shaped Vibrator Review
The website says this about the BuzzPinky Lucking Palm Shaped Vibrator:
“Indulge in the lifelike sensation of a tongue with the Sensuous Licks Licking Vibrator.”
You can forgive a girl for getting excited about the prospect of oral at home without the need for a man, right? It sounded exciting. I was excited!
Sadly, just like most men (not all men, don’t worry,) the prospect was better than the reality.
Pffft.
As a side note, I’ve noticed that BuzzPinky has since shut down/closed their website/something similar. I’ll add appropriate links if they ever come back.
Specs
Here’s a rundown of the BuzzPinky Licking Palm Shaped Vibrator’s specs:
- Usually £25
- I bought it in the sale
- From BuzzPinky (obvs)
- 10 vibrations types/speeds
- Silicone and ABS material
- Palm-shaped and sized
- USB rechargeable
- Waterproof IPX6 (shower safe)
- Pale pink colour
As value for money goes, even at £25, the toy isn’t bad value for money… if only it worked as expected. But again, we’ll get to that.
Packaging
I didn’t like the packaging that the BuzzPinky Licking Palm Shaped Vibrator came in: a foil [sealed] bag, with absolutely no directions whatsoever. I basically had to guess how to use it. Thankfully, it’s not exactly the most complicated toy in the world.
Between the packaging and the horrible tongue (it’s coming,) the toy feels really cheap. Perhaps I should’ve expected that from something in the sale bin? My bad.
Design
Initially, I really liked the shape and design of this toy, but it didn’t take long for me to start hating it. Approximately five seconds of use, if you want to get exact.
It does fit in the hand quite nicely (even with my stupidly small hands,) and the one button pleases me greatly. The button is textured and easy to find against the rest of the smooth (but grooved) surface. There are no up or down buttons to worry about. No extra bits to press. I love a simple sex toy.
I had no complaints about the design of the Licking Palm Shaped Vibrator… until I started actually using it. But we’ll get to that in due time. For now, the toy gets a star for a great design.
Settings
The BuzzPinky Licking Palm Shaped Vibrator has ten different vibration settings. They are as follows:
1: constant vibration
2: faster constant vibration
3: even faster constant vibration
4: quick on-off vibration
5: longer on-off vibration, then fast tap-tap-taps, then longer on-off again
6: three quick tap-tap-taps, then a constant burst
7: very fast taps, then a constant burst
8: two short taps, then a shorter constant burst
9: on, tap-tap-tap, off
10: constant tap-tap-tap vibrations
I was most excited for settings #5 and #6. Those are my kind of settings. That’s a good number of settings!
Charger/Charging
This toy came half-charged straight out of the packaging, so I used it until the battery died, then plugged it in at exactly 16:00. Well, attached it to the charger: it’s got a two-circle magnetic thing going on.
The light on the textured button flashes all the while the toy is charging.
The light turns solid when it has finished and is all charged up, and this happened just before 18:00.
It takes a little under two hours for the toy to fully charge, from a dead battery, which feels a bit excessive to me.
Battery
I’ve used this sex toy once, straight out of the packaging (and after a quick clean,) with the half-charge it arrived with. After that, I never used it again. I’m probably not going to. I had and have absolutely no intention of using it to find out how long the battery lasts.
For the purpose of this review, I fully charged the Licking Palm Shaped Vibrator, turned it on, put it on setting number five (from the list above,) wrapped it up in a towel, placed it on the bed, then timed how long it took for the buzzing to stop. Proper professional reviewing technique right there.
I started the sex toy at 18:16.
It stopped vibrating at 19:41.
That’s actually not bad, to be fair. It gets one point for long-lasting battery at least.
Noise
This vibrator was actually pretty quiet and I wasn’t expecting that. It’s definitely a toy that I’d grab if I needed to have a wank on the down-low, you know? Well, if it worked right, I would. You could easily pop it down the front of your joggers and muffle things even further.
I could technically give it two stars here: one star for being quiet, then another star for not making me come, in turn keeping me quiet. Aside from the occasional, “Oh, for fuck’s sake,” obviously.
Ease of Use
I liked the design of the toy and initially assumed that it would be super easy to use… which in a way, I suppose it was.
But…
The edge of the tongue/flappy bit was super pointed and actually quite sharp. It felt a little bit like I was masturbating with the corner edge of a kitchen spatula instead of an actual sex toy, but hey, I guess we all enjoy getting those kitchen implements out from time to time.
Negative points.
I thought, maybe I’d been using the toy all wrong, so I tried holding the flat side of the flappy bit against my clit instead of using the faux licking action… and that didn’t really hit the spot either. Every movement dug the tip into my skin and/or flesh, and it hurt!
Next, I tried using the vibrator tip against my nipples. Now, I enjoy some heavy nipple twisting/pain/whatever, but once again, the spatula effect was back, and it was starting to hurt. Not the good kind of hurt. A WTF-is-this? kind of hurt. The edge isn’t soft enough. It’s too hard and pointed, even for me, someone who enjoys pain during sex.
Frustration turned into a vendetta. There had been a whole lot of frowning, but absolutely no orgasms. Or fun. Or even the slightest whiff of pleasure. Who the fuck did this toy think it was?
Clearly, it didn’t know who it was messing with.
Orgasmability
I’ve never met a toy that I couldn’t come with, so I twisted and contorted my body into all sorts of positions, holding the flicky spatula tongue in every which way possible, and eventually, about twenty-five minutes later, with rage flowing through my veins, I finally came.
It was not worth the trouble.
The BuzzPinky Licking Palm Shaped Vibrator takes far too much work for me to orgasm. 0/10 for orgasmability.
As a side note, I actually can’t imagine how that tongue edge would feel on a dick, balls, perineum, etc. I definitely wouldn’t not recommend buying this for a male or female partner. Just stab your house keys around there instead. It’ll probably feel softer.
As Advertised?
Who the fuck’s tongue is that? I was promised “lifelike sensation of a tongue,” wasn’t I? I didn’t realise that I was signing up for head from the Terminator – and by that, I mean, robotic, hard (in all the wrong ways,) and definitely not lifelike. Not human life, anyway.
Definitely not as advertised.
False advertising. Trading standards!
BuzzPinky Licking Palm Shaped Vibrator Review: Conclusion
Don’t buy this toy. It had the potential to be so good, and I’m genuinely baffled as to how it turned out so bad. It’s cheap, uncomfortable, and doesn’t easily do the job that it was designed for. You could probably tenderise meat with it, I suppose; but that’s not why we’re here, is it?
In all seriousness this is the most disappointing thing that I’ve ever spent my money on, even if it was in the sale. I am still on the hunt for a sex toy that emulates oral sex, so if you have any suggestions, throw them at me!
For now, the BuzzPinky Licking Palm Shaped Vibrator gets a hugely disappointing 3.8 out of 10 stars, and that’s only because the chart thing wouldn’t let me add anything less than one star. Massively disappointing. False advertising. The people who designed this have never felt a human tongue in their entire lives.
That is all.
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
I might not have liked this particular sex toy, but there are plenty of others that I did enjoy… so why not have a peek at those?
