One Ball keeps pushing forward. I keep pushing back. Something’s happening between us, and it’s making me question everything I thought I wanted with him. Am I creating drama for the sake of creating drama? Or is there something really behind this tug of war?
I’m not sure, folks… but things aren’t right. They’re not right at all.
Let me explain.
Two Days
We spent a really great couple of days together, but there was an underlying hint of tension that seemed to follow us wherever we went and whatever we did. Everything was so bright, breezy, and easy… but it’s not as easy now. We feel stunted and disconnected, never on the same page at the same time.
Our time was spent playing Xbox games together, eating pizza, drinking beer (him,) and smoking spliffs (me.) There were silences that weren’t awkward. I worked while he played. It felt like we were a proper couple – one that had been going for a lot longer than we actually had.
The whole time, though, there was a niggling feeling in the back of my mind, and it acted like a brick wall between us. He’d pull me in close for a cuddle, then I’d get too hot and need to pull away, and it happened every single time he tried to get close. It’s like my body is rejecting him. It physically doesn’t want to get close to him, to be close to him.
What’s happening?
I honestly felt like the whole room was closing in on me. Perhaps I was in an odd mindset? Maybe something was wrong in my head rather than with our relationship? We fucked and kissed and laughed and had fun… but that niggling feeling was still there, gnawing away at me, threatening to erupt and ruin the entire trip.
The Tug Of War
One Ball makes me feel a million bucks, literally. He looks at me like I’m the absolute hottest woman he’s ever seen, and he tries really hard in the bedroom. I can’t deny that we’re well-matched in that department.
But is that enough?
I feel higher than the clouds in one moment, then he leaves to go see his kids and the missing piece seems more obvious than ever. I want him to stay longer, but when he does, I want him to leave. Up, then down. Delirious, then annoyed. Good, then bad. Rinse and repeat.
We had a bumpy start to things, what with his serial lies… but weren’t we past that? Didn’t we successfully get past that? If things are right, why do I always feel like things are all wrong? Why do I feel like he’s about to confess something… or should confess something?
What do I do about this? Let it run the course and see what happens? Call it quits now before one or both of us gets hurt?
Answers on a postcard, please. (Or… you know, in the comments below.)
The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: I Can’t Make Him Come In My Mouth.
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
Want to read all about One Ball’s story, right from the very beginning? You’ll find that right here.
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here:
