Questions and No Answers
Things have been so up in the air between me and Grey, so I figured it was time to bite the bullet and actually ask him – outright – what’s going on between us. There have been many questions and no answers, and I’m frustrated as fuck.
I huffed, puffed, and paced the room one-hundred times or more as I tapped out a message, deleted it, then re-tapped it… on repeat.
It has been so fucking nerve-wracking. I almost wish I hadn’t told Grey how I feel.
What a girl wants
I want to ask Grey for commitment – proper commitment. Something’s stopping me, though. I can’t pinpoint what, but something is. Maybe I’m scared that he’ll hurt me, or tell me, I’m not what he wants?
The fear of rejection is real, but I don’t think that’s it.
I sent him a text:
“I want you. I just want you. I adore everything about you. There is nothing about you that I complain about or want to change. What are we doing here? Are we together? As in, just together, not doing anything with anybody else?”
I know I told him that there wasn’t a thing I wanted to change about him, but that was a lie. I’d change one thing: I’d make it so Grey could answer a simple question with a simple answer, because that fucker is absolutely incapable of it.
He dropped jokes. Reminisced about times gone by. Skirted around the subject. Told me that he felt the same about me, isn’t fucking anyone else right now, doesn’t want anyone else right now, distance is a big factor for us, is scared…
In essence, he said everything but an answer.
“Are we together, together, though?” I pressed in a later call.
“Umm, well…” he trailed off.
Next came thirty seconds of the most awkward silence in the universe.
The Wedding
Rather than answering my question with a yes or no answer, he invited me to a wedding. Does that make me his girlfriend? Is that his answer? A wedding feels like a very ‘couple’ thing to do, doesn’t it?
All I wanted was a little commitment. A yes. Or, you know, a no with a reason. He’s known me for more than a decade, and we’ve been fucking on-and-off for most of that. Shouldn’t he know by now whether or not he wants to be in a relationship with me?
Why can’t he say that I’m his girlfriend out loud?
I asked him exactly that, and he answered with the following:
- I’m “too good” for him
- He doesn’t think he can give me the life I want
- He’s not sure that he can make me as happy as I deserve
- He worries that we want different things
What? That’s a crock of shit, right? Those are some big-ass excuses that aren’t even attempting to dress up as reasoning.
Those answers feel like such cop-outs. Too good for me? Who the fuck gets to decide that on my behalf? Shouldn’t *I* get to decide that? And how does he even know about the life I want? He’s never asked me about it. I know about his life dreams, and I absolutely adore the sound of them… which I’m sure I’ve said on multiple occasions.
Those life dreams are my life dreams – being in love with someone, then living happily ever after. I could live in a cardboard box for the right person. (I probably couldn’t, but you get the idea.)
Questions and No Answers: What’s Next?
I have absolutely no clue what to do right now. I’ve worn my heart on my sleeve for him. I’ve told him everything I felt, exactly as I felt it. His answers aren’t enough. They aren’t even answers at all. I don’t want to back him into a corner, but I also don’t want to get strung along by a man who’s not that interested.
What do I do now? What should I do next?
Relationship status: It’s still fucking complicated.
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
You can read all about My Mr. Grey, from start to finish, right here.
If you’re in the market for something else to read, why not take a peek here:
He’s a guy. If you don’t spell it out, he won’t get it. He’s scared…has he had a relationship go bad too. Has HE ever cheated on anyone? He might be afraid he’ll F-up again and lose you like your husband did.
And he did answer the question…in guy speak. Here, let me translate.
1. He’s not sleeping with anyone at the moment…”But i’ve been known to be wrong before.” (either he is skirting the definition of ‘sleeping with’ or he misunderstood the question, classic guy.)
2. He hates the long distance and does not feel you can properly call yourselves a couple because of it.
3.He wants to have sex with you all the time…obvious one really.
4. He has either been told he’s not good enough by another woman or doesn’t know you well enough to know your wants/needs/goals in life to know if you two will match.
5. Re-stating three and four with the added…I would lasso the moon for you and because I feel that deeply, I’m afraid anything that goes wrong in the relationship could be devastating and I could lose you.
6. He likes you more than toast…but less than bacon. Once you pass Bacon, you’re golden.
7. His penis…another obvious one.
I hope this helps. Sounds like you two are off to a great start…for a relationship with a guy. Try texting less and skyping more. You can get the answers you want faster with less distraction…unless it’s video skype then all bets are off.
I loved reading this. Very insightful thank you! Hopefully (fingers crossed) going to a wedding together at the end if the month! Yes I’m his plus one at a wedding! That’s good news, right?
He wants you on his arm to show to his friends? very good news!
That’s what I thought! And hope!