The Admiral gave me a fairly steady supply of attention (and dick,) but if you thought I was slutty before… just wait until I got my first ever flat. Oooooft. I experienced the kind of freedom that adulthood brought, and the bills, too. But I had nobody to answer to anymore. No grandparents or parents to think about. It was just me and my Bestie, and we were living the absolute dream.
Soundtrack: Pretty Green Eyes by Ultrabeat.
The Flat
The first boy I fucked in my new flat was Number 11: Lurch. I must admit, though… I’m still not entirely convinced that we fucked that night. But let’s start at the beginning.
For the first few months of living in that flat, all Bestie and I did was party. Everyone came to ours at the weekend (and a few weekdays) and got stoned, drunk, high, fucked, or whatever. It was a free for all. Anything went. Nobody cared. Chill vibes only. Bring-your-own-bottle, obvs.
We had parties for days, that weren’t actually parties at all. A few people would come around on Thursday night, then more people would turn up on Friday night, Saturday night, and even Sunday night sometimes. There was a steady stream of people in and out, and I’m genuinely surprised that Bestie and I didn’t get evicted. Thankfully, he’d had the great idea of inviting our neighbour (downstairs) to one of our ‘events,’ which led to her finding a new pot dealer. All’s well that ends well, I suppose.
Lurch
One weekend, a friend brought some other friends back to mine after the bar, and one of those friends was Lurch. He was a huge chap, just as wide as he was tall, and I remember thinking that he was really cool because he had a lip piercing. Not too long after, I got my very own lip piercing, the first of many over the years.
That night, though, we all got so fucking drunk. Ridiculously drunk. So drunk that we actually couldn’t drink anymore if we tried. I thought Lurch and I had just fallen on the couch and conked right out there, but a few seconds after I awoke the next morning, with the hangover from hell, I saw that we were both naked from the waist down and there was a condom [empty] stuck to his thigh.
Interesting.
I popped to the loo and went through The Checks, also known as is there spunk inside me? You couldn’t just pop to the chemist for the morning after pill back in those days. A split/forgotten/unused condom was, quite literally, a disaster. And with the amount I was drinking (and consequently vomiting,) it actually would’ve been a miracle if my contraceptive pill did work.
At least we’d used a condom at some point, I suppose.
I didn’t dare ask Lurch if we’d actually had sex. We just said our goodbyes after breakfast (cooked by me, I must add,) and only saw each other a handful of times again. Always drunk, obviously. We never slept together (if we even did) again. I waited a few weeks to see if I’d missed a period, which, thankfully, I didn’t. I also got myself checked out at the clinic… just in case. Thankfully, there was nothing to report there, either.
In conclusion, I’m pretty sure that Lurch and I started to have sex, and possibly even got some minor PIV action in there, but didn’t finish. Either that, or he started having a posh wank next to me… which wouldn’t explain why I was naked from the waist down.
Oh, well. Another day, another daft drunken story. We’ll pop him on the list just in case. Can’t rule it out, can we?
The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: Number 12: Hot High School Kid.
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
You can read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
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