The weirdest fucking thing has happened, folks… and if I don’t talk about it, I might actually explode. Boom. Blood n’ guts everywhere. That’s probably a slight overreaction to what’s happened, but sit down, get comfortable, and prepare to have your mind fuckin’ blown. I’m about to tell you how to make him love you in 34 days. (I think?)
Back in Time
To start this story, we first must go back in time, to a time when One Ball and I were dating. During the is-he-going-to-say-he-loves-me stage, OB drew me a little doodle (because he was always doodling something,) that basically forewarned the L-word event. Like a test I-love-you, if you like.
Why don’t I just show you the doodle? It is pretty cute.
Slightly Less Back in Time
We now need to time travel to just a few days ago, when Jock made a joke that I only liked him because he was basically a dinosaur. As a rebuttal, I sent him the doodle that OB had sent me… lying and saying that I’d found the image on Pinterest, obviously. I was hardly going to tell him that my ex-boyfriend had drawn it for me, was I?
Let me tell you, that lie has backfired in the biggest, baddest, and funniest way possible, because Jock got the doodle TATTOOED ON HIS BODY today.
I shall reiterate: my current boyfriend got a tattoo of the drawing that my ex-boyfriend doodled to tell me that he loved me, to tell me that he loves me.
Think I’m lying? Jock told me by not actually telling me but by sending a photo of said new tattoo (which he gave me full permission to share on here, btw.)
You literally could not make this shit up. You couldn’t. My bonkers love life has reached a brand-new level of bonkers, and even I can’t quite believe it happened. I keep looking at the photo like, no, you really didn’t… did you? Oh, my god, you really did.
Once the shock of the tattoo and surrounding circumstances had worn off, I realised that, actually, it probably was Jock’s way of saying the L-word for the first time. I asked him just to be on the safe side. Subtle as a brick, and all that.
“Is this your way of telling me that you love me?” Straight and to the point, just how I like things. (Mostly.)
“I’m rawr-ing at you.”
Yes, that’s super helpful, but WHAT DOES IT MEAN?
The conversation trailed off for a while because I was starting to lose my mind. Did he love me? Did he really get my ex-boyfriend’s doodle tattooed on him? Did I really lie like that? I suppose it’s just my style to back one of the cutest (and most batshit) moments of my new relationships with a big-ass lie. For fuck’s sake.
Later that night, after we’d sent our goodnight messages, he sent a text with just a single word: “Rawr.”
I think he might love me, guys.
How to Make Him Love You in 34 Days
Today, we’ve learned that the best way to make him love you in 34 days is to be a big, fat liar. The fattest, biggest, cuntiest liar there is. The kind of liar with pants like the Darvaza Gas Crater.
Alternatively, do not listen to dating advice from me. Not one word. I’m fucking things up in ways people have never heard of. To be fair, though, absolutely no one could have forethought this one, could they? Not a single fucking soul.
Rawr, I guess.
The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: Love Puff.
Thank you so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
Would you like to read all about Jock’s story, right from the very beginning? You’ll find that right here.
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here:
