Soundtrack: Dry Your Eyes by The Streets.
My Mr. Grey had a really funny and interesting way of knowing exactly when I was happy or starting something new and fresh with someone new. It’s like he had a damn radar for that shit. It happened with The Lapdog, and The Fireman’s Sister. And now, it had happened again, this time with The Girl I Can’t Forget. That shit was starting to piss me off. Plus, I didn’t want to run the risk of a repeat threesome-that-wasn’t. I liked The Girl I Can’t Forget, and that meant, I didn’t want to share her with anyone, including Grey.
The last thing I needed was him & her on top of my already complicated love/sex life… you know?
Grey did send a text first, which was something, I supposed. Him turning up at the door to another girl in my house, especially so soon, was not something I relished the thought of.
“I want to see you. Driving down.”
It was the first time that I’d ever not wanted to see him. Like, ever. Even when I was mad at him I wanted to see Grey, kiss him, fuck him… but not today. I told him that, too.
“No, can’t tonight, not home,” I lied.
“No worries. Maybe tomorrow.”
I didn’t reply to that one.
Bestie and I were getting ready for another impromptu gathering. Someone’s birthday, or something like that. Honestly, it was any excuse to party and drink at that point. We’d probably have planned something even if it wasn’t someone’s birthday. The Girl I Can’t Forget turned up to “help.” The lie wasn’t even worth it; Bestie knew anyway. He knew everything. That’s the point of a bestie, isn’t it? The three of us started drinking early, mostly to make room for more drinks, that other people would inevitably bring. The economy was better then. Not that I know about that kind of thing. All I know is, people brought a lot of boozy drinks to our gatherings and they weren’t all that bothered about taking them home when they left. Drinks aplenty. Drinks for dayyyyys.
Six pm came, and the first few early birds turned up.
Seven pm brought a gaggle more.
By eight pm, the gathering-slash-party was in full swing. I suppose that’s why nobody noticed that Grey had turned up. I’m not sure how long he’d been there for, but I turned my head and there he was. There he fucking was.
Three minutes. That’s all it took for him & her to meet. She seemed to make a beeline for him, which surprised and angered me. Just ten minutes previous she had made it crystal clear that I was her choice of entertainment for the night, and I was beyond excited for it. Still, it was a party. Everyone was meeting and greeting everyone else. I shoved my jealousy down and drank, like all good party girls do.
They didn’t spend a lot of time together after their initial greeting, so I almost forgot about how pissed I’d felt. Him & her, I mean. In fact, I didn’t see them together for the rest of the night…
Until I did.
Him & Her
The gathering was basically over, and someone I didn’t know was helping me clean up the last plastic tumblers and empty bottles. Bestie had gone to bed. Two of our friends were crashed out on the couch, and another was sprawled across the floor, with “Je suis un crab” written across his forehead in thick black marker. I pottered around, trying to find The Girl I Can’t Forget. I was super drunk, and we had a very small window to fool around before I, too, crashed out. I did not want to miss that window.
The kitchen was dark, but I checked in there anyway. I heard something, and when I flicked the light on, I saw something
Him & her.
They were half-naked, tangled together, and clearly fucking on my kitchen floor.
I gasped and flicked the light back off. “Shit, I’m sorry.”
Then, I went back to my bedroom and got into bed.
It didn’t hit me at first, what had happened. It wasn’t until two or three minutes later that I realised… they were fucking. Him & her. He’d stolen her from me, or she’d stolen him. Both of them had stolen the other. Tears started against my will and I buried my face in a pillow to stifle them.
I didn’t understand my emotions. The tears were a mix of many of them. Jealousy, sure, but also a sense of betrayal, too. I didn’t want that. Him & her were the exact opposite of what I wanted, and I was angry at myself for not saying or doing something at the beginning of the night. It was out of order, I felt. Not right at all. Some kind of liberty, for sure.
But what could I do about it? She wasn’t mine, and nor was he. And if I was fucking my way through my friendship group, of course others would do the same. My sluttiness was biting me in the ass, and I didn’t like that one bit.
The next morning, after I’d forced myself to make cups of tea and bacon sandwiches for the half-dead folks in The Flat, and after The Girl I Can’t Forget left, I confronted Grey.
“How could you fucking do that to me?” I hissed. I wanted to hit him.
“What do you mean?” He seemed genuinely baffled.
“You do this every time. Every fucking time.” I couldn’t stop the tears. Not that I wanted to. I wanted him to see how hurt I was, how hurt that he’d made me. “You turn up every time I start something with someone else, and then you fuck it all up. You tried to do it with Jane, which I actually didn’t give a shit about, but now you’re doing it with her? No. Fuck off. You cannot keep doing this to me.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t realise. We’re not exclusive… and…”
His nonchalant expression ramped up my rage to the point, my hands start violently trembling. It took all I had not to throw my cup of tea at him. “Get out,” I said instead.
“What??”
“Get the fuck out of my flat, and my life. Don’t come back. Don’t text me. Don’t drive down. I don’t want you here.”
I didn’t mean a single word of it. I wanted him to fight for me, to promise to change, to make me his girlfriend, something, anything. But I also wanted and needed him to know just how betrayed I felt by him. By her, too. But he should’ve known better. Didn’t he know me enough by then?
He didn’t fight, or promise, or any of that. Grey just grabbed his rucksack from my bedroom, then quietly made his way out. He didn’t look back once. At least he didn’t see the tears now screaming down my face, I suppose.
My heart was broken. Crushed. It was a brand-new type of heartbreak that I’d not experienced until then. I sobbed for days afterwards, and I refused to speak to either of them. There were so many questions that I wanted to ask, but I also wasn’t sure that I wanted to know the answers just yet. I had to grieve a bit first, give my heart some TLC, and calm down.
Bestie definitely hated Grey after that.
The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: Number 19: The Boy On Pills.
Thanks so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
Want to read all about My Mr. Grey’s chapter, from start to finish? You’ll find that right here.
You’ll also find The Girl I Can’t Forget’s chapter right here.
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here: