Hello friends. Today I’d like to talk about fanny farts, as the title suggests. I’m going to share with you how it feels as the fanny farter, and what I would like you to do as the victim… or, as I like to call you, the fanny fartee.
And despite how natural and normal it is, I would also like you to know that I laughed the whole way through this blog post. Giggles all the way. Childish as fuck. (And quite proud, to be honest.)
Fanny Farts: The Logistics
We’re all adults here, so I think that it’s only right that we all know what a fanny fart is, and why it happens. Chances are, we’re all going to experience the dreaded queef at least once in our lives.
I think it’s super important to say that fanny farts are NOT something that anyone can control. It doesn’t happen because she has a ‘baggy fanny’ or because he has the smallest dick on the earth; it happens because air being pushed into a small space and then gets trapped only really has one place to go – and that’s out.
As Cleveland Clinic states:
“It’s an involuntary bodily function that you can’t control.”
And that’s the thing: it happens because air is being pushed into the vagina. For me, it mostly happens during doggy style sex. As he’s fucking me from behind, he’s pushing air into my vagina, which then doesn’t have a chance to escape.
When it does… boom, fanny fart.
Other names for fanny farts include:
- Vaginal flatulence
- Vaginal gas
- Vaginal wind
- And a whole bunch of slang terms that are as hilarious as they are absurd
As previously stated, fanny farts don’t happen as a result of size, space, bagginess, or anything like that. The same men that have called me “very tight,” have also made me love puff. It is not a reflection of vagina tightness.
That being said, there are times when queefs happen a bit more, such as after childbirth. It still doesn’t mean that anyone has a big ol’ vag, though.
Fanny Farter Thoughts
If I could erase every single fanny fart that I’ve done in my sexual history, I would. Immediately. I wouldn’t even think twice about it. Get rid of all of them. It doesn’t matter how many times I tell myself, it’s normal; I will always and forever be embarrassed when it happens.
Firstly, there’s always a split second where one or the other person wonders… is that a butt fart? Did they just fart? Wait… did I just fart from my asshole during sex?!
Secondly, there’s always another split second, when the queef reality hits, where one or the other person wonders, should I laugh? Are they going to laugh? Should we laugh about this together?!
Sadly, no amount of wishing, hoping, or praying makes the dreaded fanny fart go away. You can try to hold them in as tightly as you can, but eventually, those puffs of air are gonna puff right out of you. It’s just science. Plain ol’ physics. Trapped air’s gotta go somewhere.
I still wish the ground would open up and swallow me whole every time it happens, though. I don’t care what the science says. I wish my body just wouldn’t.
Fanny Fartee: How to Act
As a woman who has previously fanny farted, I would like to tell every men on the planet that there are only two options:
- laugh if and when I laugh, or;
- pretend it never happened. The queef was all in your head. Honestly, it never happened, mate.
If you go off-list and choose a third option, I likely won’t invite you back into my bed… or my big, queefing vagina.
Lols
There’s something really quite sexy about being able to laugh with a lover during sex. We all have those little mishaps. They happen to all of us. Pretty much every woman has fanny farted during sex, and almost every man has wondered what the fuck to do when it happened. Laughing about it, being close enough to laugh about it, is another level of intimacy. I yearn for that kind of intimacy.
Normalisation
On the other hand, queefing is perfectly normal. I can’t help it. You can’t help it, either. We can’t help it. If it’s a normal, natural bodily function; why would we laugh about it? It should be ignored and/or treated as normal. It’s no different from a sneeze, or even a butt fart. These things happen. Sometimes they can’t be helped. We are all but human, after all. (If you dare say “bless you,” I will punch you in the cock.)
Jock always chose the ignorance-is-bliss approach. I appreciated it… but I was also on the verge of the biggest fit of giggles. Big giggles for big fanny farts. I think I prefer the laughing option. I will always choose the laughing option over every and any other. Life is too short not to laugh about it.
What Not to Do, Fanny Fart Edition
What you shouldn’t do, ever, is mock a woman for it. If you do this, you’re an abomination and don’t deserve to have sex again. Ever. In fact, your genitals should just shrivel up and fall off.
You also shouldn’t laugh if she’s not laughing, because that’s just rude. Wait for her to lead the way. If she ignores it, you ignore it. (As best you can.) If she laughs, you laugh. That’s just the way it goes – the way it should go.
Bodies are weird, but you don’t need to make her feel weird for having a normally weird body.
A Fanny Fart Conclusion
So, to sum things up: fanny farts, queefs, love puffs, whatever you want to call them, are totally normal. They’re a totally normal thing that happens during totally normal (or otherwise) sex. Air goes in… and air must come out.
You shouldn’t feel weird for doing it. He shouldn’t feel weird for hearing (or feeling) it. Nobody should feel weird when it happens.
Got it?
Got it.
*Updated for 2026*
Thank you so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
You can find more sex tips just like this right here.
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here:
