Soundtrack: Buttons by The Pussycat Dolls.
Today, friends, I’d like to tell you about the time I got a cherry stuck in my vagina. It sounds bad (and it was,) but I started out with the very best of intentions… and, as always, things went slightly (completely) awry.
Please, allow me to explain.
How It Started
Whisky had been away for a few weeks for soldier-related work stuff, and it was going to be the very first night we’d spent together in a while. I paid my roommate (and Bestie) to leave our joint flat for the night, so Whisky and I could have a night of filthy debauchery.
Filthy debauchery it was… but not quite in the way that I’d planned.
I wanted to surprise him, so I closed the curtains, put some of his favourite music on in the background, and placed one of the dining room chairs in the middle of the living room.
Then, I got myself ready. Bath, hair wash, makeup, lingerie, clothes, fragrance, etc. He loved the whole sexy secretary look, so I wore a black button-up shirt, a black secretary-style skirt, and the highest black heels I could find. I completed the look with stockings that had the seams up the backs.
I’d gone shopping for the occasion: bottles of flavoured and sensation-inducing lubricants, squirty cream, handcuffs, some cherries (his favourite,) and whatever else I thought we could use.
He rang the doorbell, and I opened one more button on my shirt.
The Middle
“Hey, you,” I said, kissing him in that way that always meant business.
His clothes came off before we’d even made it up the stairs of my upstairs flat.
“Get on the chair,” I said, in my bossiest voice… trying to stifle a giggle. I’ve never been the greatest at roleplay.
I cuffed him to the chair, wrapped a blindfold around his head, then kissed, sucked, and tickled my way around his body, using every tool in my arsenal. Hadn’t he once told me that he wanted exactly that? Who was I to deny him a fantasy?
Eventually, I got down on my knees and finished him off, leaving him then free to fuck me in any way he wanted.
He didn’t want to fuck me yet, though. Oh, no. I had awoken his playful side, and now he wanted to give me the same treatment. He played around with the squirty cream and the cherries, and I popped one at the entrance of my cunt. Just the entrance. Not in. Not pushed. Just stuck there with my own arousal.
He leant into me, ready to pull the cherry out, then do what he did best with his tongue around my clit.
Except, that didn’t happen.
The Ending
He leant into me, his nose pushed the cherry, and the cherry went fully inside me.
Ooops.
He laughed. I laughed. Then, he tried to pull it out. The cherry still had the stalk attached, so it shouldn’t be too much trouble, right?
Right?
WRONG.
The stalk popped off the cherry. The cherry was still inside me. There was no cause for concern just yet though.
I worked away, curling and looping my fingers inside myself, trying to get behind the damn fruit. I don’t think I’m a particularly un-tight women down there, but you’d think I was rooting around in Wembley Stadium. I could not get to grips with the damn thing. Every time I thought I had it, it moved to another spot that I was sure I already had covered.
Whisky had a go next. There was a moment of sucking, some fingering that wasn’t sexy, and he even mentioned grabbing some tools at one point.
Grabbing some fucking tools? You what, mate?
That put the fear of God into me, quite frankly, so I went to the bathroom, squatted over the loo, and coughed, blaaaaaaahed, and pushed so hard that I thought I was going to give myself a prolapse.
Thankfully, eventually, about ten minutes after I’d started trying to give birth to a cherry, it popped out, making a resounding splash in the toilet.
“Yaaaaaaay,” I heard him call from the living room.
I could’ve cried with relief. Imagine having to go to Accident and Emergency at my local hospital, then explaining that I’ve got a fucking cherry stuck in my vagina.
Cherry Stuck In My Vagina: Lesson Learned
I learned a very important lesson that day, my friends, and now I’m going to share it with you:
Don’t put cherries anywhere close to your vagina.
The fuckers will end up right in there before you know it… and they’re almost impossible to retrieve.
That is all.
Moving on…
The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.
Thank you so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
Would you like to read all about The Ex-Husband’s story, right from the very beginning? You’ll find that right here.
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here: