Baileys & Revenge

After I’d moved into The Flat, I had a weird habit of getting drunk (and/or off my nut on other substances) and accidentally ending up at the front door of my childhood home. I have no idea why it kept happening, but it was a regular thing, even after my Mama and Pops split up.

That happened on this night.

I’d been out drinking with some friends, and I’d bumped into my High School Bully. Well, the most bullyish of the bullies, anyway. This particular one, let’s call him Adam, was the joker of our school year, so no one took what he did and said seriously. He’d eat crane flies because someone dared him, jump out of second-storey classroom windows to avoid getting detention, and on one drunken occasion, shit in a pint class and showed everyone… including me.

To put it honestly, Adam was a fucking dickhead.

I had the displeasure of sitting in front of him in class once, and he spent the whole time sticking drawing pins into my spine. I then got into trouble at home, when Mama couldn’t wash the blood stains out and had to buy me new school shirts. I never grassed on Adam. Even back then I knew that grassing wasn’t cool. Nobody likes a rat, and all that.

Adam was responsible for the second cracking of my coccyx. He pulled me off a table and I landed straight on my ass on the hard technology class floor. The first coccyx crack was thanks to another lad, Adam’s friend, who kicked my feet from under me just a few months earlier. Once again, I landed right on my ass. Once again, I’d cracked my coccyx. Those lads made my life hell at school, and I never really understood why.

On this night, though, Adam double-took when he saw me. “NOTSO! Is that you?” he said, throwing his arms wide and… hugging me.

Weird.

He spent the rest of the night telling me how pretty I looked and buying me drinks, and I’m not proud to admit that I started to warm to him. He made me laugh. A lot. Before I knew it, we were flirting. And kissing. And then going back to his place.

We started to fuck on the couch in the living room, but we woke up his step-father, who then threw us out in a rage.

“Let’s go back to mine!” I said, not wanting the night to finish yet. Yeah, Adam had been a dick to me at school… but we had chemistry now. I wanted to fuck him. I wanted to use sex and get my revenge on him. Sort of. I think?

We grabbed a bottle of Baileys, then left his. For some strange reason, though, I didn’t drunkenly lead him to The Flat: I took him back to my childhood home, where my Pops still lived alone.

I used my key and let us in, then took Adam straight to my old bedroom, where my old single bed still sat. It didn’t really matter; we’d be on top of each other before long. We started messing around with the bottle of Baileys, drinking it out of each other’s mouths, stripping all the way. I straddled him, poured Baileys into his now bare belly button, and drank it out, kissing further down…

“What the fuck are you doing?” a voice said, and I span around to see my poor Pops in the doorway. “Why are you here?!?!”

I was mortified, but for some reason, one that I’ll never be able to explain, I said, “Payback for shagging my boyfriend’s mum.”

WHY? Why did those words fall out of my mouth? I was so drunk that night, but I can remember exactly how those words sounded out loud to this day.

My Pops didn’t say a word. His eyes did, though. They told me that he was both raging mad and totally dumbfounded, all at the same time. What was he meant to say back to that? Eventually, he turned and went back to his bedroom, slamming my door, then his door loudly.

For Adam and I, the mood had well and truly disappeared. His once erect dick was now sadly limp. All I could do was laugh, but what I wanted to do, was disappear into a hole in the floor.

It was daylight when we stepped back out into the street. Adam went his way. I went back to The Flat… where I actually lived.

My Pops never mentioned that night again. (Thank fuck.)

So much for revenge. The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: Number 14: Hip High School Kid.