Soundtrack: Wrecking Ball by Miley Cyrus.
There comes a time in every relationship where fun, flirtation, and fucking gives way to something else: baggage. Little things creep into the conversation: name drops of the ex, half-conversations that involved them, bits n’ pieces of stories, you get the drift. And before you know it, you’re spilling the beans on past relationships whilst still trying to keep the trauma and heartbreak a secret.
It seems, friends, that Jock and I have reached that point.
First, I fanny farted.
Then, I accidentally told him I loved him.
Now, he’s talking about meeting the step-daughter.
So much for not dating seriously.
Baggage Background
We’ve stopped counting dates. It doesn’t make sense to keep doing it now that the boyfriend-girlfriend label is well and truly in place. (Love that for me, by the way.) Going out to the arcades and other date-like stuff has been replaced with something more down to earth: nights at home, curled up on the couch, watching some shitty film and eating take out food.
On those nights, when it’s just us and we’re just hanging out, fucking around, talking shit, I genuinely think that he’s the perfect man for me. We fit together so well, and we seem to make each other really happy, too. He certainly makes me happy. It feels real. Like a real relationship. Not just dating; something much bigger and more important than that.
I suppose, when I think about things like that, the next stages of our relationship just feel right. The settling in and meeting the family stuff – that all comes next, doesn’t it? But meeting his child (well, step-child) feels like an enormous step… and honestly, I don’t know if I’m ready for that. We’ve only known each other for eight weeks, and that’s not a very long time at all, is it?
Baggage
“I think I need to tell my ex about you now,” Jock said, totally out of the blue.
“I beg your pardon?” I got very mad, very quickly… but just about managed to keep things under wraps.
Why would he need to tell his ex that? And why now? After eight weeks? Why can’t we just keep things as they are for a little bit longer before we start inviting his ex-girlfriend into the mix? Why are we inviting his ex-girlfriend into the mix?
“What are you doing next weekend? If we can make our days work, how do you fancy meeting the ex and my step-daughter?” he asked, with the most normal expression on his face. Totally cool, totally calm, totally like he wasn’t saying the most batshit words to me.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered that he seemingly wants to shout from the rooftops about our relationship… but can’t we wait a damn minute? I don’t want to meet his step-daughter yet, and I sure as fuck don’t want to meet his hot-as-fuck ex-girlfriend. It was bad enough when she kept appearing that night we went out.
I could’ve said so many other things, and I almost did. I wanted to complain about how fast things were moving, or question why his ex-girlfriend was so important to our relationship, or grumble about how he didn’t take my feelings into account before making decisions that ultimately affected us both. I tried to think of ways to word what I wanted to say, so that they weren’t rude, abrupt, offensive, or inconsiderate to his feelings… but the only thing I wanted to say, the only thing I did actually say, was, “I don’t want to do that yet, but thank you.”
He looked so shocked, like I’d slapped him around the face, or something. (Not today, thankfully.) It baffled me, honestly. It’s not like I haven’t been offensively honest about how much kids irritate me, how much I don’t want them, and how much I’d rather date someone who didn’t already have kids. Had he not listened? Not remembered? Not given a shit? Maybe he thought he could change my mind?
It all came out after that – the whole sordid story. I learned that his ex-girlfriend had cancer, he supported her throughout all of it, then she dumped him as soon as she got the all-clear. I’m not stupid, of course; I’m guessing that there are other parts to the story that he didn’t tell me, that probably wouldn’t paint him in the best light. He’s hardly going to tell me about those things.
“I don’t want her to find out that I’m dating you from someone else,” Jock explained… like we hadn’t all been out in the pubs together (ish) just a short while ago. “I’d much rather tell her myself.”
I can understand that at least. Not that I want to. Jock is my man now. Not hers. Not anyone else’s. Mine. I don’t give a shit how many of his ex-girlfriends I upset. They’re not my problem.
I just wanted to live in my happy little bubble with Jock for a little while longer; that’s all. I’m not quite ready to shout about it from the rooftops. Not yet. And the more he pushes, the more I pull.
I have a feeling that this won’t be the last time I talk about Jock and his ex-girlfriend.
The next blog post in the dating timeline is this one: Make An Afternoon of It.
Thank you so much for reading my blog today! 🖤
Would you like to read all about Jock’s story, right from the very beginning? You’ll find that right here.
You can also read all about my disastrous dating history, right from the beginning, right here: Table of Dating Contents.
Alternatively, why not have a little peek around here: